The Cellar
by iambeagle
Summary: Boy meets Girl. Girl's friend throws up on Boy's shoes. A story about wannabe hipsters, awkward moments, and soul mates.
1. November 11 9:08 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
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><p><strong>November 11<br>9:08 p.m.  
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"Sup, fucker? You're out of beer!" Ben hollered from the kitchen.

"That's because you drank it all last night. You owe me," I groaned as I rubbed my eyes, cursing the fact that I fell asleep. Blinking a few times, I walked into the kitchen and opened a cabinet to grab a bottle of cheap scotch. "Here."

"Nice," he commended. "You know tonight has to be epic, right?"

"The last time you said that you wound up in jail and Jasper broke his arm. Maybe reaching levels of epicness for your last night in Austin is a stretch."

Ben scoffed, borderline pouted. "You want my last night to be a failure? I have to leave my mark, man."

"You've lived here your entire life, dude. You choose _tonight_ to leave your mark?" I questioned with a laugh.

"Better late than never." He shrugged, giving me a devious grin and...fuck, I hated that grin. It was the same grin he shot my way before we snuck out of the house to get high when we were sixteen. The same grin that lit up his face when he handed Jasper and me our fake ID's freshman year in college. The same stupid grin he had when he was sitting in the back of a cop car last year after trying to buy coke from, as he puts it, an "unreliable source".

"I'm legitimately nervous right now." I ran a hand over my face, noting that I needed to shave, then glanced at the clock. "Where's Jasper? Are we meeting him somewhere?"

"Nah," Ben replied before chugging the scotch straight from the bottle. "He's not answering, but I think we need to start the night off at The Cellar."

"Jasper hates that place."

"Jasper's a fag."

"Good one," I snorted and resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"He doesn't like it because there aren't enough gay dudes there for him."

"But," I pointed out, "there are plenty of straight girls for you at the gay bars he likes to hang out at. Compromise, my friend."

Ben handed me the bottle of scotch and I took a lengthy swig as he whined. "I can't go to Rain anymore."

"Because?"

"Because the gays love me. I get hit on nonstop. And that place is too fucking upscale."

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Right."

"I'm a hipster, Edward," Ben said with a dramatic sigh. "I need canned beer, sarcasm and preferably an outdoor patio."

"Hipsters generally don't refer to themselves as 'hipsters', do they?"

Ben shrugged. "Can I borrow one of your ties?"

"Yeah, but it's not from a thrift store. Won't that go against your hipster ways?"

"It's fine. This cardigan is from J Crew, anyway," he yelled as he walked down the hall towards my room. "After I figure out how to tie this fucker, we're doing shots then heading out!"

I sat back on the couch and dropped my head into my hands. A few minutes later, I grabbed my hooded jacket and keys and waited for Ben by the front door.

"On a scale from one to Michael Cera, how hipster do I look?" Ben asked seriously.

"Don't ever ask me that again."

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><p><strong>AN: This story has no real point and zero angst. However, it will have banter & awkward moments. It will take place over a 12-hour period. My apologies if I offend any hipsters.  
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**KitKat681 created a nice ole banner for this story. It's located on my profile & on my FB page. Check out her mad skills & be sure to check out her stories!  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. 9:56 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
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><p><strong>9:56 p.m.<br>**

On our walk to the bar, I sent Jasper a text to let him know where we'd be. I could already imagine the grimace on his face once he read our whereabouts.

"Jasper's not gonna show. He's been all MIA ever since he started dating that new dude," Ben slurred.

"What the hell? How are you already slurring your words?"

"Ah." He laughed and pulled out a pack of American Spirits. "I met up with Alec and Heidi for happy hour earlier."

I was pretty sure I had hardly winced as he mentioned Heidi's name, but that didn't mean he didn't catch it.

"She didn't mention you," he explained in a low voice. "Besides, whatever, you were busy napping like an infant when I called you."

"Yeah. Sorry I have a job that requires me to wake up before noon," I drawled sarcastically.

"Dude. You're a blogger for Gorilla vs. Bear. You don't have brush your teeth or even leave your fucking house."

Okay, so that was all true. I still brushed my teeth though and sometimes, when I was feeling adventurous, I'd even floss.

"I'll meet you down there," I said, pulling my hood over my head. I nodded once at the bouncer and Ben struck up a conversation with him as he leaned against the brick to finish his cigarette.

Checking my phone once more, I shoved it in my pocket before taking the stairs down into the bar. I somehow maneuvered around a small group of people that decided the best place to stand was at the bottom of the stairs. My eyes were very close to rolling as I bumped into a blonde I'd seen around here a few times. In the midst of our collision, she managed to drop her phone_ and_ choke on her gum at the same time.

"Fuck." Her laugh was...sloppy. That was the most disgusting way I've ever described someone's laugh, but it was true. She reached down to grab her iPhone and examined the damage.

"Shit," I muttered when I saw the cracked screen.

"You owe me a new fucking phone, buddy," she said and cocked an eyebrow.

"She's lying." A burly dude interrupted, grabbing his friend's arm.

"No!" The blonde managed to slur the lone word, stumble and drop her phone again within five seconds.

"She cracked her screen last week, so...don't worry about it." The guy let out an exasperated laugh before pulling his friend away.

I watched them disappear near the bathrooms before I settled myself at the bar. Ben appeared next to me a few minutes later and after he ordered a beer I decided to tell him all about the little collision.

"Hey, there's a girl here whose drunk enough to hook up with you," I joked. "She was already slurring and tried to tell me I broke her phone."

"What the fuck?" he snorted, but I knew he wasn't opposed to it at all.

"Yeah. I don't know. It was weird." I shrugged and swiveled on the stool to face the ever-growing crowd.

I took in my surroundings: a sea of deep V-neck shirts, brightly colored lace-up Vans and canned PBR. In other words, I was in Hipster Hell. I turned back around to face the bar. Fucking hipsters.

I had muttered some or maybe all of this out loud to Ben before I looked up and caught her eye. It was quick; so quick that it could've been shrugged off as nothing. But something was bugging me. Hadn't I seen or met her before?

"Blue Scarf looks familiar," I mumbled to Ben, nodding in her general direction.

His eyes scanned the bar searching for a blue scarf before popping open his second can of PBR. I refrained from rolling my eyes as he affirmed that Blue Scarf was a mutual friend of a friend of a girl he once fucked. Doggie style. On a couch.

Therefore, Blue Scarf and I were practically friends.

"That's a great way to start a conversation, huh? 'Hey, I think my friend fucked your friend on a couch'," I said loudly and stared down into my beer.

"Doggie style. Don't forget; that's the best part," Ben reminded me.

"I'm amazed that you've never had a successful relationship," I mused and looked back up to see Blue Scarf was no longer in sight.

"I'm amazed that you're amazed," Ben said, interrupting my thoughts.

I ordered another Blue Moon and attempted to reach Jasper again.

"Jasper better fucking show up," I muttered to myself.

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><p><strong>AN: iPhones break too easily. Just saying. I definitely haven't broken 3 in my lifetime. Not at all *hangs head***

****Thank you so very much for reading this silly story. I'm not sure what the update schedule will be. And honestly, I kind of suck at sticking to schedules, so...meh. For now I will say once a day.****


	3. 10:38 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>10:38 p.m.<br>**

"I can't wait to live in Brooklyn and become ultimate hipster status," Ben droned on. Or, okay, he didn't actually say those exact words, but he might as well have.

"Yeah, man," I agreed with whatever he said.

"Sweet, hey. Alec just texted and said he's heading over with Heidi," Ben said excitedly as the bartender set two whiskey shots in front of us.

"Sweet," I mocked him. "I'm super excited."

"Hey. You know what? You sound like you're super excited," he deadpanned.

"That's because I am. I can't contain it," I mumbled before laughing into my beer.

Ben pushed the whiskey shot my way and I gladly accepted. He mentioned a few bars we'd go to closer to midnight because 'that's when the interesting people are out'. He slid off the stool, winked at the bartender and said he was going outside for a smoke.

"Benjamin!" I yelled loudly, causing him to pause by the stairs. I picked up the pack of cigarettes he'd forgotten on the bar and threw them his way. He flipped me off for, I'm assuming, calling him 'Benjamin' then walked up the stairs.

Before I turned back around, someone caught my eye. I realized Blue Scarf hadn't left; she'd magically reappeared and was walking with a few people to the other side of the bar, which happened to be in my direct line of sight. I pulled the hood off my head and, in a feeble attempt, ran a hand through my disastrous hair.

It still bugged me that I couldn't put my finger on how I knew her. It was possible I'd met or seen her here before. Very fucking possible. But I was pretty sure I would've remembered meeting her.

Setting my elbows on the bar, I let my forehead rest against my palms so I could sneak a glance her way. I was caught off guard when I realized she was staring directly at me. Quickly, we both looked away and I picked up my pint to chug the remaining beer.

Ten minutes later, I was bored and Ben was still outside, so I started making a mental list of the things I already knew about Blue Scarf.

I knew she drank beer that wasn't PBR. I knew she wore a blue scarf that complemented her skin, even in the shitty dim lighting of the basement turned bar. I knew she was just as bad as I was with trying to being discreet with her staring. I knew she had an easy smile, the alcohol was making me warm and I wanted to talk to her, even if only for stimulating conversation.

Turning my attention to the bartender, I kept the conversation light as I ordered another Blue Moon. I swiveled on the stool, grabbed my pint and took one step in her direction. I gauged the situation and realized she was surrounded by two guys and one girl; one of the guys being the burly dude who helped me save a couple hundred bucks on an already broken iPhone.

Momentarily hesitating, I wondered if one of the guys was her boyfriend. I definitely wanted to avoid as many awkward moments tonight if possible. But, if anything, I could say I came over to ask where she bought her scarf. I knew the chances of her questioning my sexuality would be high, but it was a chance I was willing to take.

I confidently walked over to where she was standing and cleared my throat. Neither of the guys she was standing with noticed me right away which led me to believe neither were her boyfriend. Or maybe they didn't see me as a threat. Or maybe they just hadn't seen me yet.

My eyes were immediately focused on her lips and I involuntarily smiled as I watched her smile at her friend. She hadn't turned to look at me yet, but I knew she could feel my presence. She knew I was standing next to her, watching her.

"I think I've met you before," I yelled a little too loud, needing to grab her attention. Now that I stood a mere two feet away from her, I realized it wasn't a lie or even a line. This couldn't have been the first time she and I had met, but definitely the first time we would remember.

She finally flicked her eyes towards me with narrowed curiosity. "You do look familiar. I think you fucked my friend on a couch last month," she replied seriously.

"Yeah." I paused to shake my head. "Wait, what?"

Handing her drink to Blondie AKA the iPhone destroyer, she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and looked questioningly at her friend. "I'm pretty sure Jane said it was doggie style, right Kate?"

Blondie AKA Kate shrugged, wobbled and gave me a devious grin. "She did say it was doggie style, yeah. But she also said he came too soon."

I choked on my beer. "Whoa. So, apparently there's been a huge misunderstanding."

"Huge, huh?" Blue Scarf asked with a tilt of her head. "What's the misunderstanding? It wasn't doggie style?"

"Oh, it was definitely doggie style," I explained with a sarcastic grin, "But it wasn't me. You have the wrong guy."

"I apologize. How embarrassing," Blue Scarf said, not sounding the least bit embarrassed.

"Prematurely ejaculating is very embarrassing." Blondie pointed in my direction, let out an awful burp then promptly puked on my shoes.

It was going to be a long night.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm going to bet he still looks good even with puke on his shoes. I'm disgusting, but you know you agree. Thanks for reading.**


	4. 10:59 pm

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><p><strong>10:59 p.m.<br>**

"Hi. I'm Bella and my friend likes to puke on people's shoes. Nice to meet you," Blue Scarf, Bella, said and handed me her drink so she could tend to her friend.

"Again? Bella, I thought you cut her off," the burly dude said in exasperation, helping Blondie AKA Shoe Destroyer to her feet.

"Emmett? Not now. We need your assistance not your attitude," Bella groaned. "Riley, help your girlfriend, please?"

"Ex-girlfriend. And that's so sucky, but I feel so much better," Kate assured everyone as the two guys held on to both of her arms.

I stared incredulously at Bella, my shoes, then Bella again before I tossed the drinks into a nearby trashcan and nearly ran to the bathroom.

"Bro, you got puke on your shoes." Some random guy in the bathroom felt the need to state the obvious.

"Holy crap!" I stared down at my shoes before reaching for the paper towels. "I didn't even notice. Thanks for that."

"No prob," he replied before walking out of the bathroom.

Hopping onto the counter, I pulled off my shoes and attempted to clean them. Minutes later, the bathroom door flung open and a very amused Blue Scarf Bella walked in and shut the door behind her.

"I'm pretty sure you're not allowed in here," I claimed as I held my shoe under the faucet.

"Damn. Kate really got you good, huh?"

"I'm very impressed with her aim, less impressed with her tolerance."

"At least she didn't puke in your purse." She sighed and handed me more paper towels. "Yeah. That's happened before and I didn't find it until the next day. But, anyway, I'm sorry."

"Hey, you know, it's cool," I began with a smirk and watched her cross her arms. "These shoes were new and I wanted to wear them in. They were missing a little puke stench and stain, anyway."

She raised her eyebrows. "Right. That's actually disgusting."

"That's actually my job," I said before I could stop myself from blurting out the ridiculousness.

"What is?"

"I buy new shoes, wear them out to bars, make sure they get puked on, step on a few cigarettes then sell them to thrift stores. Hipsters love 'em."

"I bet you make a lot of money doing that," she snorted with laughter.

"Not to brag but, yeah, I do. Millions upon millions."

"I'd also bet you're a liar."

"What? No way." I smiled and held her gaze for a beat too long. "I bet you want to buy me a drink now. You know, to make up for the whole puke thing."

"Fine. Finish cleaning up and meet me out there. But if you order any of that shitty PBR, I'm going to make fun of you the rest of the night."

"I'd hope you'd make fun of me. That stuff is the worst," I agreed before genuinely laughing at the face she made.

"See you out there, Premature Ejaculator."

I groaned as she slammed the door. Worst nickname ever.

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><p><strong>AN: Romance is blooming in the presence of puke shoes & urinals. Precious. Thanks for reading.  
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	5. 11:16 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>11:16 p.m.<br>**

"I'm not sure I appreciate the nickname you've given me," was the first thing I said as I sat next to Bella at the bar.

Swiveling on the stool so she could face me, her knees fit between the space of my open thighs. "You don't like the nickname? Well, I mean, if the _shoe_ fits..." she trailed off and gave me a small smile. "Okay, fine. Too soon for pukey shoe jokes?"

"If my shoes are still wet then yes, extremely too soon for jokes." I nervously drummed my fingers on the bar. "I'm Edward, by the way."

"Hi, Edward. My name is Bella, as you already know. Here, this is for you." She pushed a Coors Light my way accompanied with a whiskey shot. "I was going to buy you a more expensive beer, but then I remembered you're a millionaire and can purchase the expensive alcohol yourself."

"Psh, what? Don't skimp on me. Pukey shoes, remember? Take pity." I took a swig of the beer as she glanced down between us, staring at my shoes.

"Yeah, but those pukey shoes help you acquire millions so, really, you should be thanking me. Actually, you should be thanking Kate."

"Damn," I hissed out laughter. "You got me there."

Bella's look was one of satisfaction as she lifted her shot glass. "To pukey shoes."

"God," I groaned. "Fine. To pukey shoes." I clinked my shot glass against hers then brought it to my lips, keeping my eyes on her the entire time. "So."

She winced. "So."

"I'm pretty sure we've met before," I started, because I still wasn't going to let that shit go. "And I really didn't sleep with your friend, just so you know."

"Yeah, yeah. I believe you. You're not Jane's type, anyway."

"Oh, I'm not?" I leaned a little closer. "Maybe she's not _my_ type."

"She goes for guys with great hair and," she sipped her beer, "your locks definitely don't fall into that category."

"I'm wounded," I insisted, running a hand through my hair. "First you call me a premature ejaculator and now you're dissing my hair?"

"You're just sensitive. And you still use the word 'diss'. That's three strikes against you already," Bella scolded and scanned the bar, laughing when her eyes landed on her friend Kate grinding against some guy I hadn't seen before.

"Three strikes? No. Premature ejaculation cannot be a strike because it's not true."

Bella hummed and thew her head back with laughter.

"I'm serious," I insisted. "And if it weren't entirely inappropriate, I'd go and show you just how much of a premature ejaculator I am not."

"Maybe we should just start over," Bella suggested. And yes, that sounded like a great fucking idea.

"Hi, I'm Edward," I reached out my hand to shake hers, "and I don't have any issues such as doing anything prematurely. Except maybe the punchline for jokes."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Bella and, heads up, my friend likes to puke on shoes. Oh, and I lied."

"About?"

"Your hair." Bella stared at me for a moment before pulling her hand out of mine.

"I lied, too."

"So then you really are a premature-"

"God. No." I laughed and pushed her knee. "I'm not a millionaire."

"What!" Bella shrieked, feigning shock. "Well, I'm glad everything is out in the open then."

"Me too."

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><p><strong>AN: I vote for him showing her that he isn't a PE. Thank you for reading!  
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	6. 11:34 pm

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><p><strong>11:34 p.m.<strong>

"So, what's your story?" I asked, still trying to place how and if I knew her. You know, other than Ben's rendezvous with her friend who was follicularly judgmental.

"My real story or the one I use to impress people?"

Tilting my head back, I brought the longneck to my lips and finished off my beer, setting the empty bottle on the bar. "Whichever is more interesting," I quipped with a sly smile.

"Okay, then." She sighed dramatically before blurting out, "I'm a drug dealer."

I thought for a moment. "Is that the real story or the impressive story?"

"It's the interesting story, per your request."

"Oh," I answered, pretty certain she wasn't actually a drug dealer. "I guess that _is _pretty interesting, but also highly dangerous. How did you become a drug dealer, anyway?" I played along for nothing other than the fact that I liked listening to her speak, even if she was being all weird and cute.

"I decided to take over the family business. It has its perks," Bella explained in a serious manner.

"Perks? Like free drugs," I deadpanned.

"Yes, like free drugs."

"Like crack? I bet you deal with a lot of crack," I said, emphasizing the the word 'crack'.

"Tons of crack is involved, yes. I wouldn't have it any other way," she replied, barely blinking. I narrowed my eyes to stare her down in an unofficial staring contest until she looked away with a chuckle. "Okay, fine. You caught me. I'm not a drug dealer." She paused. "I knit."

"You knit?" I tapped the bar and motioned for two more beers but never took my eyes away from hers.

"Yep. Scarves, actually. And mittens. And sometimes really warm, wool socks."

"That actually sounds more interesting than being a drug dealer," I said, genuinely interested. "And I guess living in Texas, there's a high demand in winter accessories, so you have that going for you."

"Ugh, I knew it. You're one of those mockers, aren't you?" She accused, poking my shoulder. "Yeah, I know, it's not very cold here. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I actually sell most of my stuff online and ship it to people who live in places that actually have a season called 'winter'."

"Winter?" I asked, feigning confusion. "What is that?"

"It's this really obscure season, I think. I've only read about it in books."

"Ah. Okay. Well, now that that's cleared up." I laughed as she rolled her eyes. "So, is this one of your products?" I asked, tugging on the scarf around her neck.

"It is, in fact."

"I like it," I admitted, nodding a 'thanks' to the bartender and sliding a beer in front of Bella. "You should knit me something someday."

"I have the perfect idea for you," said said animatedly. "I'll knit you a beanie to hide that hair of yours. It will be a gift for you _and _others. A twofer."

"You're very thoughtful," I paused, "and talented."

Bella cleared her throat and looked away. "Well, thanks. My grandmother thought it necessary for me to learn the essentials of being a lady, or something like that, and it turned out I wasn't so bad with a needle in my hand."

"And is that how you also found your calling to become a drug dealer?" I asked and mimed shooting up, causing her to shake with laughter.

"No, stop. Drugs are bad and that was silly of me to even joke about."

"Dude's outside with coke if you want a bump." Ben suddenly appeared out of no where, reaching between Bella and me to grab my beer. "Oh, hey, you reeled Blue Scarf in. Nice."

"Bella, this is Ben. Ben, this is Bella," I said in a low voice.

"I know your friend Jane," he explained with a cheesy smile. "And by 'know' I mean 'fucked'."

Bella pursed her lips, staring at Ben with deep concentration. "Ah. So_ you're_ the pre-"

"Pretty cool guy," I interrupted, fully knowing exactly which nickname she was about to call him.

"Yep. Exactly. That's me," he beamed, handing me my beer.

"Good to know," Bella mused, flicking her eyes in my direction. "Good to know."

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><p><strong>AN: Uh, yes. It is good to know, but it's also good to SHOW...uh, what? Thanks for reading.  
><strong>


	7. 11:47 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>11:47 p.m.<strong>

"Your friend is...charming," Bella mused as Ben walked away to '_find the drunkest girl here to take home_'.

I laughed at her deliberate lie. "He's harmless, I assure you."

"Harmless?" She laughed a little too high-pitched for my ears' liking, causing me and every dog around town to wince. "I love how you say that as if he's...he's a spider or something. '_Oh, it's okay you've been bitten; he's harmless, you'll still live_!'."

"Can you not use spiders to prove your point, please?" I shuddered and wiped all traces of condensation from my glass.

"I'm just saying if Ben tries to _charm_ Kate I will have to interfere," Bella warned, trying her hardest to look intimidating.

"But what if they're," I gasped, "soul mates. You really want to have that on your conscience?"

"The shoe puker and the premature ejaculator? Doesn't exactly sound like a fairy tale. Besides, I'd rather not spend all tomorrow listening to Kate wallow about how she thought she found 'The One' only to find 'The One' missing when she wakes up in the morning. Last week, she went home with a guy who hip thrusted his way into her pants. She was drunk and thought it was romantic."

"Hip thrusting is my favorite romance tactic," I added, receiving an eye roll and shoulder bump from Bella.

"Yeah, well. Ever since her breakup with Riley, she's been out of control. I've had to shorten the umbilical cord she's attached to."

I choked on my beer at the disgusting mental image she'd provided me with. "Okay, so, what is all of this about? Did you get fucked over by a guy or something?"

Bella looked taken aback by my nonchalance. "Actually, no."

"Your parents divorced, each remarried three times and cheated on their current spouse with each other?" I questioned.

She released a small laugh and I reveled at the sound. "That was a very detailed guess, but no. My parents are still married."

"Okay, so then they they're still married but cheat on each other all the time. I smell a loveless marriage," I joked, but was genuinely interested in why she seemed so guarded.

"They're happily married, as far as I can _smell_," she drawled before side eying me.

I raised my eyebrows in awe. "That's impressive. My folks are still happily married as well."

"Cheers to impressive parents." She clinked her pint glass against mine.

It was quiet for a full minute before I turned to her and shook her thigh. "I'm intrigued. You're cynical for no good reason?"

Her eyes softened for half a second before I removed my hand. "Who said I'm cynical?"

"Your words did. They strolled over here, tapped me on the shoulder and were like 'hey man, this chick is cynical, yo'..." I trailed off with a blank stare because, really, I had no idea what I was saying. Regardless, it seemed to make her laugh.

"Apparently my words have very hip lingo."

"Not exactly." I clicked my tongue. "I was using creative license to describe what your words conveyed."

Bella scoffed. "So..._your_ words have very hip lingo?"

"I really want to keep this going, but now I'm just extremely confused."

"That's a shame," she hummed.

I watched her for a second as she wrapped her lips around the rim of the glass. "You're not getting off this easy," I whispered. "What's the story behind the cynicism?"

"Fine. I'll indulge you for a second and pretend I was somehow cynical during our conversation," she explained and turned her body to face mine. "My cynicism is more or less just concern for my friend. I don't want her to get hurt, especially since we all know about Ben's rendezvous with Jane, and more than likely half of the females in this bar. I'd rather Kate leave tonight with some self respect intact," Bella finished with a sigh and I pointed in Kate's direction.

"You might want to start yanking that umbilical cord then," I suggested as some beefy guy turned Kate around, bent her over at the waist and proceeded to grind against her ass.

"All of her clothes are still on, so she's fine. For now."

"I'll keep my eye on the beefy guy," I promised. "He looks like one of those pesky romantic hip thrusters."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Bella suddenly asked, which caused me to laugh. I'd spent the past hour flirting with her and here she was questioning if I had a girlfriend.

"Nope," I said emphatically.

"But you've had a serious relationship before, right?"

"Well, yeah. I guess." My thoughts drifted to Heidi and I shifted uncomfortably as I felt Bella's gaze burn into me.

"So, you've had a serious relationship which obviously didn't work out," Bella stated. "I'm just wondering why you're not cynical. Or maybe you are and you're just better at hiding it."

"I'm not cynical because there are things in life, other than relationships, to be cynical about."

"Like...what?"

"Like..." I thought for a moment. "Like the shelf life of canned goods. And...every movie Zac Efron is in."

"Please don't tell me you've seen every Zac Efron movie," she pleaded, dramatically dropping her head in her hands.

"I've never seen every Zac Efron movie," I answered and watched her head lift as she visibly relaxed. "I put my foot down before being forced to watch High School Musical 3. So, no, I've never seen every Zac Efron movie."

"Gah! The torture," she shrieked, patting my shoulder as some sort of comfort. "Who did that to you?"

"My friend Jasper, who happens to be a huge Zac Efron fan."

Bella whistled before saying, "Do you want me to shank him for you?"

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course! You deserve justice."

"Justice in the form of shanking my friend?" My lips curled into a smirk and I added, "Was shanking one of the tests you had to pass before becoming a drug dealer?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"No. What I really want to know is why you said I'm better at hiding being cynical. Was that you owning up to your cynicism?"

"I'm not cynical," she insisted. "I'm realistic. I don't buy into all of that Hollywood bullshit. See, if tonight were a movie or even one of those horribly written fan fiction stories, you and I would be expected to fall in love."

I watched her cheeks slightly flush at her last statement. With a smirk, I leaned over, pressed my lips against her ear and whispered, "Jasper reads Zac Efron fan fiction and it legitimately scares me."

"Then it's surprising he hasn't already been shanked," she replied with a shaky voice.

"I completely agree."

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><p><strong>AN:** **I hope I didn't offend any Zac Efron fanfiction readers or writers!** **I'm sure your stories are lovely. Thanks for reading.**


	8. 11:58 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>11:58 p.m.<br>**

"No prospects, huh?" I questioned Ben as he stalked back over to the bar wearing a pair of plastic neon green glasses. He ignored the open seat next to me and sat on the other side of Bella.

"I don't really see anyone here that's boneworthy." He let out a dramatic sigh and ordered three Jägerbombs. "Maybe I'll see someone I like at the next bar. Or maybe..." he trailed off, lifted his glasses and gave Bella a once-over.

"Don't look at me like that," she quipped with attitude. "You just used 'boneworthy' as an adjective. There's definitely no way I'm interested, especially now."

Ben shrugged, not the least bit affected, and distributed the Jägerbombs between the three of us. "To worthy boning," he said loudly before drinking his shot.

I gave Bella an_ I know he's an ass but go along with it_ look, to which she shrugged and drank the shot.

"So, where the fuck are Heidi and Alec?" Ben asked as he stacked our empty shot glasses. "I thought their asses would be here by now."

"Maybe they're boning," Bella offered jokingly, all pink cheeks and slightly rocking on her bar stool. We'd been drinking for a while, but this was the first time she resembled anything that made me assume she was drunk.

"We're not allowed to joke like that," Ben scolded, leaning a little too close to Bella for my liking. "Heidi is ole Eddie's ex."

Bella tilted her head towards me with narrowed eyes. "Is that so?"

"It is so." I shrugged.

"Do tell. What happened? I want details, please," Bella pushed forward, resting her elbows on the bar.

"Heidi dumped his ass," Ben spoke up.

"Thanks, man." I coughed, ignoring Bella's curious stare. "We dated and it ended. No epic love story and no scandalous break up."

"That's not exactly true," Ben spoke again and I really wanted him to shut the fuck up.

Bella turned back to Ben since he was apparently one gossipy motherfucker. "So, it _was_ an epic love story?"

"Hardly," he snorted. "Heidi was so fucking needy and she whined for 'attention, more attention!' and when E couldn't give it to her-"

"She said she wanted to take a break," I interrupted because it was my break up story to tell, wasn't it?

"And then she started fucking our buddy Alec while they were 'on a break', which loosely translates to 'I wanna fuck around but not get in trouble'," Ben finished.

"Wow. She sounds like a super nice person. A real keeper," Bella said in an overly nice tone.

Ben stared incredulously, not catching on to Bella's sarcasm. "Not exactly, no."

"How are you _not_ cynical after that?" Bella asked me quietly, pushing her bangs out of her face. "I mean, she pretty much fucked you over."

"Like I said, there are other things to be cynical about. I'm not going to change my views or waste my time because someone wanted to treat me like shit, you know?"

I noticed her eyebrows disappear into her hairline. "When did all of this happen?"

"Oh, like, a month ago," Ben revealed to Bella, vying for her attention again. "The wounds are still fresh, if you will. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go drain the snake then we can head the fuck out, Ed."

I watched Ben disappear before I groaned loudly. "That was awkward."

"That's actually really shitty," Bella mumbled, staring down into her drink before meeting my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"As you should be," I teased, hitting her shoe with mine. "It's totally all your fault."

"Ha, ha. But, really, I'm sorry about my '_they're boning_' comment. I didn't know..."

"Bella, really," I assured her, "it's fine."

"Yeah, I guess. But it doesn't help when your friend is such a douche about it all. Like, really? He invites them to hang out with you? Isn't that weird?"

"Ah, he's-"

"Harmless?" Bella interrupted.

"I was actually going to say 'moving'. He's moving tomorrow, so they want to say bye or...something. But he's harmless, too."

"Smile for the camera!" Someone called out.

We both turned on our stools to look behind us as a stranger snapped a photo of us with a classic instant Polaroid camera. The girl eyed us and waited for the photo to develop before handing it to Bella and telling us to enjoy our night. Faint silhouettes of our bodies came into focus and Bella began shaking the photo before I immediately snatched it from her hands.

"Despite what OutKast claims, you aren't supposed to shake a Polaroid picture," I explained as I dried the bar with my sleeve and set the photo on the wood so we could wait for it to fully develop.

"Well, look at that. It's a real picture," she pointed out with a giggle.

"It is." I smiled down at the photo, staring at her flushed cheeks and my lazy smile. "So," I cleared my throat, "we're going to some bar a few blocks over. Would you wanna come with us?"

Bella stared at me, down at the photo, then back at me. "Sure, I'll go. I mean, we had our photo taken together. I'm invested now," she teased and safely placed the photo in her wallet.

I popped my knuckles before rubbing the back of my neck because, teasing or not, I think I was invested, too.

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><p><strong>AN: So, this little story was nominated for The Short 'N Sweet Awards! Voting starts November 17 and it'd be very sweet if you voted! Tons of great authors & drabble stories were nominated, so please check it out! shortnsweetawards . blogspot . com/p/voting . html  
><strong>

**E & B's photo- img202 . imageshack . us/img202/6796/cellar . jpg  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading!  
><strong>


	9. 12:08 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>12:08 a.m.<br>**

After Ben returned from the bathroom, he closed out his tab and I closed mine as well, adding the drinks Bella had ordered earlier to my tab.

"No you don't, buddy. I'm paying for those, remember? Puke shoes?" she reminded me, as if I could forget. My shoes were still fucking damp.

"Yeah, yeah. It's not a big deal, really," I promised and handed the bartender my card, ignoring her protests.

"Fine, but I'm getting the drinks at the next bar."

"Sure," I patronized with a smile. Like I'd actually make her pay for my drinks.

"Bella. Bella," Kate whined as she stumbled over to us. "Riley got mad and left because I let some guy grind his bulging peen against my ass."

"Hi." Ben raised his eyebrows and waved.

"Well, did you expect him not to get mad?" Bella questioned and steadied her friend by grabbing onto her shoulders.

"He's not my boyfriend! He's not allowed to care! I should be able to rub all the peen in my face and he shouldn't be allowed to care!"

"Hi," Ben said again, trying to grab her attention.

"Why do you do that, especially when he's here? Do you really have to rub all the peen that's in your face in his face?" Bella questioned before scrunching her face up. "That came out wrong. I think."

"It sounded pretty right to me," Ben said quickly.

"What the fuck?" Kate suddenly blurted out, staring at me expectantly. "You," she jabbed my chest with her finger, "smell like puke."

I swatted her hand away and asked Bella, "Is she serious?"

"Unfortunately," Bella replied with a small shrug. "So, Riley left and Emmett is...where is Emmett?"

"Outside trying to talk Riley into staying. Whatever, let him go home and watch his shitty shows on shitty USA." Kate cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "Shitty USA! Not the country, but the television station. Nobody likes Monk! Nobody likes-"

"A hot mess." Bella laughed and pulled Kate's purse from her shoulder.

"I'm drunk," Kate burped, causing me to jump about ten feet backward.

"Nice. At least you learned your lesson," Bella appraised me then pointed towards the bathrooms. "We'll be right back. Wait for me?" she asked and I smiled an 'okay'.

"She's hot, right?" Ben asked while we watched Bella to wrangle Kate into the bathroom.

"Uh, yeah, I guess in that sloppy drunk sort of way..." I trailed off, checking the time on my cell.

"Huh? No, I'm talking about Bella," he snorted, slapping my chest. "But her friend is hot, too. And you really do kind of smell like puke, man."

"Yeah. Thanks." I cleared my throat and scanned the bar, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Finally, you fuckers show up!" Ben screamed, staring over my shoulder.

"Sorry we're_ not_ sorry because we didn't want to spend most of our night in a basement," Heidi replied with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Shut the fuck up. We're leaving now," Ben spat.

Heidi smirked. "Thank God."

"I'll meet y'all there," I said as they turned and stared questioningly at me. "I'm waiting on someone."

Ben shrugged and pulled out his cigarettes, Heidi narrowed her eyes my way and Alec, well, he didn't really respond at all.

"The night's just beginning, my friends," Ben announced before walking up the stairs.

The scary thing was, he was right.

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><p><strong>AN: The new format for my author's note will be: "I hope I didn't offend anyone who _", and then I'll list whatever I made fun of in the chapter. So, in this case, the blank would read "watches Monk".  
><strong>

**Now I run & hide & hope you all know that I'm joking, & that I thank you & squeeze your cheeks for reading this! O.o  
><strong>


	10. 12:15 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>12:15 a.m.<br>**

A few minutes after Ben, Alec and Heidi left, Bella and Kate finally exited the bathroom. Kate looked a little more put together so, if I had to guess, I'd say she puked yet again. The amusing thing was that Bella somehow looked slightly more drunk.

"Hello, Edward." Kate addressed me, holding out her hand. "I'm Kate. I sincerely apologize for puking on your shoes earlier. Please forgive me," she said, sounding a little too rehearsed. I flicked my eyes towards Bella, the proud stage mother.

"Ah, so you remember?" I asked and very carefully shook her hand.

"No," she admitted before yawning. "But Bella told me what I did to you earlier and that I needed to apologize because you're cute."

I turned to Bella, noting how I towered over her. Cue the full on grin. "You called me cute?"

"No," Bella scoffed and I almost believed her until she very ungracefully changed the subject. "Hey, Kate, remember that one time I sliced my tongue while licking peanut butter off a butter knife? That was hilarious, huh?"

"Ah, ha! You definitely think I'm cute," I accused with a satisfied grin.

"_Kittens_ are cute," Bella countered. "Week old puppies with closed eyes are cute. _You_ are not cute."

"Oh, wait, that's right. She said you were _sexy_ and that your scruff was borderline lickable," Kate said, all too pleased with herself. "Bummer she already has a soul mate though. Hey, can we grab some food on the way to the next bar? I'm going to need something in my stomach for the next time I puke."

"Holy crap. I've never heard you speak so much in my life," Bella muttered before sneaking a glance up at me.

"It seems your friend has been infected not only with real vomit, but also word vomit," I quickly blurted out, trying to lighten the mood because, really? Cynical Cindy had a soul mate? This quirky, funny, weirdly cute girl who completely got me had a soul mate? _Bella_ had a soul mate?

I cleared my head and tried to look unaffected as the three of us walked up the stairs and into the cool night. I started in the direction of the next bar we were heading to and Kate trailed behind us while yapping on her phone.

"Where'd Ben go?" Bella asked quietly.

"He's actually, uh," I wiped a hand over my mouth, "already at the bar with Heidi and Alec. I said we'd meet them there."

"Oh. That works. I called Emmett when we were in the bathroom and he's dropping Riley off at their apartment. I'll text him the address of the bar we're going to so he can stop by and pick up this one," she explained and pointed back at Kate.

"Okay. That's cool." I shrugged about five times in the matter of ten seconds. "I mean, if you want."

"If I want?" Bella stopped walking and stared up at me in confusion. "Didn't you invite me?"

"Yeah, but I mean," I let out a humorless chuckle, "you don't have to come with if you don't want to. I don't want your soul mate or whatever to be upset with you."

Bella's eyes lowered in understanding. "It's fine. I want to go. I want to hang out with you. And..."

"You guys, this sucks. How much further?" Kate whined and walked between Bella and me, linking their arms together.

"Two more blocks. You can do it. I have faith in you," I joked.

Walking over to east sixth, I pointed out The Jackalope and we crossed the street which was blocked off from traffic. A few people bumped into us, causing Kate to curse loudly at one guy and claim he had a small dick. The east sixth crowd was always a little rowdier than west sixth but, by this point, I was pretty sure none of us cared. I mean, fuck it. I was the guy with puke shoes.

We showed the bouncer our ID's and walked into the overcrowded bar. Since I knew which area of the bar Ben would be in, I led the way and maneuvered myself through the crowd, feeling Bella's hand slide up under my hoodie and grab onto the lower hem of my shirt. I looked back, just to ensure it really was her, then gave her a small smile before reaching back and entwining our fingers.

Once Ben saw we'd arrived, he noticed Bella's hand in mine and immediately began talking up Kate. Not that it really mattered since Bella apparently already had a soul mate. Yeah, I was still confused about that, especially when her hand was still in mine.

Ben and Kate walked over to the nearest pool table and that's when I saw Alec and Heidi standing near the pool cues. Alec waved us over with a beer in his hand and Heidi immediately gave Bella and me a small, seemingly genuine smile.

"Hey, what's up? We got a table over there," Alec pointed to a booth in the corner.

"You made it," Heidi greeted, her eyes slightly landing on our hands. "This is who you were waiting for?"

"Yeah. Heidi, this is Bella," I said casually and felt Bella's hand squeeze mine.

Bella nodded in agreement before saying, "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Bella. His fiancee."

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><p><strong>AN: The whole butter knife thing was completely made up for this story. Has definitely never happened before, especially not to me. Nope.  
><strong>

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading (and for not making fun of me for slicing my tongue with a freaking butter knife).**


	11. 12:37 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>12:37 a.m.<strong>

"I'm sorry," Heidi's laugh was a little too animated, "you're his what, now?"

Bella mocked her laugh and squeezed my hand twice before explaining. "I'm sorry. That must be the summer I spent abroad shining though. I sometimes forget most people don't know how to speak french. _Fiancée _means we're engaged. To be married."

I was pretty sure that was the exact moment Heidi stopped breathing, but I couldn't be sure since I couldn't tear my eyes away from Bella. She looked up at me and met my eyes, fucking beaming and...you know, looking exactly how a fiancée would look. I mean, fake fiancées can beam, right?

"I didn't even know you were dating anyone, Edward," Alec replied, letting his hand on Heidi's shoulder.

"Yeah, honestly...it's just all so new. It feels like we met just a few hours ago," I admitted with a shaky laugh. "I'm kind of speechless."

"I know you didn't want to say anything yet, Baby, but now or never, right? The wedding is in a month so we kind of need to start telling people," Bella went on to say, never once faltering.

"Wow. Shotgun wedding or what?" Alec chuckled and Bella glanced down at her stomach and smirked. Before she could announce that we were having twins or something as ridiculous as a demon child, I stepped in.

"No, no, no. Nothing like that. It's just...our love is so strong. We...can't wait any longer?" I offered lamely. Because, yeah, I still had no idea what the hell Bella was doing, but fuck if it wasn't entertaining.

"Let's move this conversation to the booth before Mullet Fucker over there tries to steal it again," Alec suggested while tugging on Heidi's elbow.

We passed by where Ben and Kate were doing a horrible job at playing pool, and overheard Ben saying, "That's it, slide it in just like that. You're a natural."

Bella leaned into me and I moved my hand to the small of her back as she whispered, "She definitely regrets fucking you over."

I laughed a little too loud before ushering Bella into the booth, noting how both Alec and Heidi couldn't tear their eyes away. I guess this was a pretty awkward situation but, for some reason, _I_ didn't feel like it was awkward. It was pretty fucking amusing. Bella unwrapped the scarf around her neck and set it next to her in the booth.

"Y'all want a drink? I think I'm gonna go get a pitcher. Any preferences?" Alec asked.

"Nah, I'm fine with whatever," I replied.

"Yeah, whatever," Bella easily agreed.

Alec drummed his hands on the table and looked over at Heidi. "Vodka tonic, right?"

"Right," she said with a sigh. Once he walked away, she pounced. "So, how did you two meet, anyway?" she asked with a wide smile plastered on her face.

"You want to answer this one, Baby Honey Puffer...nuts?" Bella asked in a sickeningly sweet tone.

"Ah, uh," I coughed out a laugh, "maybe you can start it. I know how much you love telling stories, Sugar Belly Bottom...Love?"

Okay, it's not like Bella was much better than I was with the pet names.

"You're the sweetest lover ever," Bella said, laying it on a little thick. "We actually met three weeks ago."

"Three weeks ago," Heidi repeated and stared intently.

"Yeah," I chimed in as Alec set the pitcher of beer on the table and handed Bella and me each a glass. "Thanks."

"So?" Heidi pushed for information while squeezing a lemon slice into her glass.

"It doesn't matter so much where we met, but what matters is what was said," Bella explained as I poured her a glass of beer.

"It all happened very organically. I mean, I walked over to her and the first thing I said was..." I trailed off, stared at Bella and waited for her to take the lead.

"I remember exactly what he said," she began seriously. "He was like, 'Now I'm not tryin' to be rude, but hey pretty girl I'm feelin' you. The way you do the things you do reminds me of my Lexus coup'," she said conversationally.

The lack of reaction from Heidi and Alec gave me time to wrack my brain to figure out why the hell what Bella had just said sounded so familiar. I watched her lips twitch and she bumped my shoe with hers. Then it hit me: lyrics. She was fucking quoting an R Kelly song. An extremely catchy R Kelly song.

"That's why I was all up in her grill tryin' to get her to a hotel?" I asked with a grin, causing Bella to nod animatedly. "I thought she was a football coach the way she had me playing the field."

"We were sippin' on coke and rum and I was like 'so what? I'm drunk'..."

"It was the freaking weekend and we had fun. Then we bounced," I added.

"Bounced. Bounced. Bounced," Bella finished, looking entirely too pleased with herself.

"You said all of that? To her? The first time y'all met?" Heidi asked, staring at me then Bella.

"Pretty much." I let out a sigh. "Yeah."

Bella nuzzled into my side. "What can I say? Dude's got good game."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** **Are y'all creeped out yet? Thanks for reading.**


	12. 12:59 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>12:59 a.m.<br>**

Heidi and Alec didn't get a word in edgewise during the twenty minutes Bella and I spent spewing bullshit. It was probably rude of me to play along like this in front of Heidi, but this wasn't for her anymore and maybe it never was to begin with. I wasn't trying to make her jealous or angry. I realized this was about seeing how much bullshit Bella and I could come up with to amuse ourselves. She'd ask ridiculous questions and I'd come up with even more ridiculous answers.

"Do you remember the first time you knew I was The One?" Bella asked, petting my cheek twice before she dropped her hand to sip her beer.

"Yeah. It was right after you sliced your tongue while licking a butter knife," I replied instantly, causing her to snort beer out of her nose. "Oh, and I love it when you do that." I pointed at her while she wiped her nose and mouth. "It's very attractive."

"I ooze sex appeal," Bella directed towards Heidi. "I can't help it."

I leaned back and let my arm rest across the back of the booth as I asked, "When was the first time you fell in love with me?"

Bella pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. "I think it was when you stuck your key in my ignition," she said, sounding choked up.

"Really? Shouldn't you have known you loved me before revving the engine?"

"Probably, yeah, but I needed to test out the ride beforehand." Bella shrugged then smiled at Heidi. "Definitely not a premature ejaculator, if ya know what I mean."

"I do know what you mean," Heidi replied coolly. "We did used to date."

Alec shifted uncomfortably and it was silent before Bella gasped rather loudly.

"You two used to date? Peanut Brittle, you never told me that! Oh my God, how awkward is this? I apologize, I really didn't...wait a second." Bella pressed her finger to my lips despite the fact that I wasn't speaking. "Do you hear that, Puffy Nuts? They're playing our song."

"Your song is 'You Make My Dreams'?" Heidi deadpanned and shot a glance at Alec who was being entertained by his phone.

I listened for a second and couldn't help but laugh as she removed her finger from my lips. "That is most definitely our song."

"Let's dance," Bella insisted and practically crawled over me to get out of the booth.

"You know I'm a horrible dancer, Belly Bottom," I snickered before playfully smacking her ass.

"You know that I don't care. C'mon," she pleaded and pulled my hand.

"Let me finish this beer."

"But then the song will be over! You can't _not_ dance to our song! It's blasphemous!"

"Strong choice of words while speaking about Hall & Oates," I groaned and chugged the rest of my beer before sliding out of the booth with a scowl. "No one else is dancing."

"So?"

I followed a persistent Bella over to the jukebox and stared blankly as she broke out into a dance. And I use the term 'dance' very loosely.

"What the hell are you doing?" I blurted out and ran a hand through my hair.

"I'm doin' 'The Toothbrush'," she explained while shaking her hips and miming squirting toothpaste on a toothbrush.

"No way in hell I'm letting my_ fiancee_ do a dance based on oral hygiene." I stepped forward, grabbed her arm and pulled her against me.

"I didn't even get to the good part yet! Besides, this isn't a slow dancing type of song," Bella said, as if I didn't already know that.

"Who cares? This will keep you from embarrassing yourself," I explained in a low voice as she grudgingly wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Fine. I could use a break from embarrassing myself anyway, _Puffy Nuts._"

"Yeah, those pet names were a bit much. I'm really hoping Heidi didn't believe any of what just happened."

"Why? You gonna try to win her back or what?" Bella asked while trying to sound casual.

"Ha. No, but if she believed all of that, what does that say about my choice in women?"

"Well, you have nothing to worry about. I'm pretty sure the look on her face held more of shock than belief," Bella pointed out.

"Thanks for doing that," I mumbled as she played with the back of my hair. "Not that it really matters. I'm kind of over all of that shit, but still. Thanks."

"Whatever. You may be over it but it's still shitty. Besides, you would've done the same for me."

"Probably not, actually." I laughed as she narrowed her eyes. "If it were me, I would've stayed out of it."

"Well. It was fun."

"It was fun but," I paused and pulled her closer to my body, "you're drunk."

"You're fun."

"You're weird. Like, the weirdest person I've ever met," I murmured while staring down at her.

"I know," she replied with a grin.

"How can you take that as a compliment?" I asked in awe.

"Because coming from _you_, it feels like one."

"Ah. Well, then," I breathed out and gave her a small smile.

"Is she staring over here?" Bella asked before resting her head against my chest. I snuck a glance over at the booth and realized Heidi and Alec had left.

"Actually, they-"

"Cause if she is, we should totally kiss. You know, go all out."

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "Yeah."

"Besides, I'm a really good kisser so it's win/win for you."

"Oh, is it? You're very kind. You offered to shank my best friend and now offering to use your kissing skills to make my ex jealous."

"I do what I can. I don't really do a lot of volunteer work, so this is kind of like my way of giving back to the community," Bella explained in a serious tone, but I had a feeling she was holding back laughter.

"Kissing in a bar is considered giving back to the community?"

"_French_ kissing in a bar. It's a little more work than just puckering your lips."

"You want to french kiss me?" I asked, knowing she could hear the smirk in my voice.

"The french kissing is more for your benefit, I promise."

I scoffed and tightened my grip around her waist. "Oh, and you'd get absolutely nothing from kissing me?"

"Exactly."

"Yeah, right. You told Kate you want to lick my scruff. You can't fool me."

"First, you have no proof I actually said that. Second, I said that your scruff was borderline lickable, not that I wanted to lick it."

"Oh, alright. Now that that's cleared up..." I chuckled before trailing off. "I want to tell you something."

"Go for it."

"You're the funniest scarf knitter I know," I said quickly.

"Hilarious."

"Yeah, I know. You are," I promised.

Bella lifted her head from my chest and stared up at me. "Seriously?" I nodded furiously. "I'm not that funny," she disagreed with a sigh. "I think I feed off your energy. We work well together, you know? Maybe we should become con artists. That'd be so fun, right?"

"Is your definition of 'fun' the same as 'illegal'?"

"Point taken. So, about that kiss."

"Yeah," I dropped my hands from her waist, "I think I'll pass."

"What? Why?"

"You just stated that being a con artist would be fun. What if you're conning me into thinking you're a good kisser and then all of a sudden, mid-kiss, I find out that you're really awful."

"You're just going to have to take my word, I guess."

"Taking your word could be ultimately scarring," I continued to say while running a hand over the scruff on my jaw. You know, just to really fuck with her. "I don't know if that's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Stop being so frugal with your kisses, _Edward_," she demanded.

"Stop being so demanding, _Bella_."

"You're really not going to kiss me?" she asked in exasperation. "Oh, wait. I see what you're doing. You're a terrible kisser so you're trying to spare me, right?"

"Wrong."

Bella crossed her arms with a huff. "I don't even want to kiss you anyway."

"Reverse psychology?" I asked while breaking out into a grin. "Nice. Because that always works out."

"Fine. You know what? Fine."

"Ooh, burn," I joked as she stalked over to the booth to grab her purse and scarf.

"Who still says 'burn'? You're kind of annoying."

"Annoying in a sexy kind of way, right?" I goaded.

"Wrong," she said this time as she wrapped the scarf around her neck.

"You're just mad I won't kiss you."

"And you're just...being all dumb over there with your dumb face," Bella sputtered.

I lifted my brows in response before saying, "You're really killin' me with the comebacks."

"Hey, fuckface," Ben interrupted as he tripped over to us. "Blondie just got kicked out of the bar. Y'all wanna go grab a bite to eat?"

Bella sighed and turned her glare on Ben before pushing past me.

"So...is that a 'no'?" Ben asked as I groaned and walked after Bella. "No, seriously, is that a 'no'?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**** I don't know what Edward is talking about- reverse psychology always works.  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading! Make sure to check out Livie79's new story A Beautiful Mess. It's real and good and lovely, just like she is! :)  
><strong>


	13. 1:27 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>1:27 a.m.<br>**

"Where is she?" Bella asked Ben once we were outside the bar.

"She was right here, I swear," he replied and pointed down at the sidewalk.

"It's fine, we'll find her," I said evenly, grabbing Bella's shoulder. "Hey, call her cell."

Bella nodded, dialed a number and we heard a ringtone before she brought the phone to her ear. I walked around the corner to find Kate sitting on the ground against the building with her knees pulled up to her chest.

"Come on, get up," Bella demanded as she reached down to help Kate up on her feet. I stepped around Bella and grabbed onto Kate's other arm. "Thanks," Bella murmured before giving me a tiny smile.

"You still smell like puke, man." Kate breathed in my face and I refrained from replying with 'so does your breath'.

"Kate," Bella scolded and mouthed 'sorry' to me.

"It's true though. I probably do smell like puke," I agreed with a laugh as we walked closer to the curb.

"I called Emmett and he has a sausage in his mouth right now." Kate half said, half cried. I may have said a silent prayer that she not be one of those weeping drunks. "That's why he isn't here. But he always drops me off at home and makes me frozen pizza and now he's not here because he loves sausage and I just want my frozen pizza."

"Dude's got a sausage in his mouth," Ben repeated Kate's words.

"Shut the fuck up, Ben," I snapped as Kate held on to my shoulder.

"What?" Ben had the audacity to look shocked. "I'm just saying it'd be nice to have a sausage in my mouth as well. I'm starving."

"She's referring to the bratwurst stand," Bella said to Ben who snickered in response.

"Food. Everything in my life would be perfect if I had a pancake in my face right now. Please, Bella. Eat a pancake with me," Kate pleaded.

"I can walk with y'all or whatever," I offered with a small smile.

"Okay, yeah. She probably does need to eat. So, the nearest place with pancakes would be..."

"Actually, we should take a cab to Kerbey Lane," I suggested and everyone agreed, meaning Bella nodded, Kate burped and Ben fist-pumped.

It took about five minutes for an empty cab to drive by. Ben called shotgun and I helped Kate into the backseat of the car. I refused to be blamed for her hitting her head while getting in after I mentioned twice for her to watch her head. Bella crawled in next, putting her in the middle seat.

"Kerbey Lane and step on it sucka," Ben told the cab driver who didn't react whatsoever.

"I'm going to nap and then wake me up when my pancakes are here, okay?" Kate yawned and let her head fall against the window.

"Is she going to live?" I jokingly asked as Kate immediately began to snore softly.

"Oh, this is nothing. Trust me," Bella said, finally turning towards me. I stared at her lips before licking mine. "I'm used to it."

"That's kind of shitty, huh?"

"She's not so bad," Bella insisted before looking away. "When she's sober."

"You mean she doesn't normally use the word 'peen' when she's sober?"

"Excuse me, but your pal Ben used the word 'boneworthy' in a sentence and I'd bet money that word is in his vocabulary while sober," Bella countered and bumped my shoulder.

"Touche."

"Someone say my name?" Ben asked and struggled to turn around in his seat.

"No," Bella and I lied simultaneously, causing us to both laugh. I squeezed her thigh before turning to look out the window, keeping my hand on her leg.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that back there," she whispered. "I was just joking around. It's actually a shame you're a terrible kisser and I feel sorry for you."

"There you go again, being hilarious," I said with half a smirk. "Maybe I just don't want to kiss you."

"If that's true then stop staring at my lips while you talk to me," she said quietly looking all too amused.

"No." I leaned closer.

Bella laughed and leaned away. "You had your chance, you blew it."

"Why are you quoting Kelly Clarkson?" I questioned seriously.

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm not."

"Yeah you are. 'Since U Been Gone'," I answered as she burst out laughing. "Quality song, I tell you. Quality."

"Aw, shit," she muttered, covering her face. "Of course, I'd want to kiss the guy who is a Kelly Clarkson fan. Why me, God? Why me?"

"I'm not a Kelly Clarkson fan, but I know the song. Everyone knows the song. So, do you still want to kiss me?"

"Well, I did until you brought Kelly Clarkson into this. Now all I can think about is American Idol and that doesn't exactly put me in the mood to kiss."

I sighed dramatically. "I see your dilemma."

"Yeah. So. Good job with that."

"Maybe next time I want to kiss you, I'll keep Kelly Clarkson out of it."

"I think that'd be best," she replied evenly while staring straight ahead.

"Duly noted. By the way, I did want to kiss you," I whispered in her ear. "Back in the bar, before Ben walked over."

"French kiss?"

"Of course. Lots of tongue. Really sloppy, just the way you like it, Belly Bottom." I smiled as she turned her head to stare at my expression, breathing on my face. She smelled of barley and mint and Bella and I did want to kiss her, I really did. Just not in the middle of a crowded bar and not in the back of a cab with Shoe Puker.

"I think it's safe to say you've surpassed my level of weirdness. Oh, and that silly nickname better not stick, you hear me, Puffy Nuts?"

"I hear you," I told her as I entwined our fingers.

A few minutes later, the cab driver dropped us off in front of Kerbey Lane. Surprisingly, Ben paid the driver as Bella and I attempted to help a groggy Kate out of the cab.

"Pancake face time?" She asked as I shut the door behind her.

"Yes. Exactly." Bella laughed and walked ahead with Kate before looking around. "Shit, her purse."

I looked back as the cab pulled away from the curb then ran the few feet after the cab before pounding my fist on the back window to catch his attention. He didn't like that very much and used a few choice words, but I grabbed the purse and jogged back over to the parking lot.

"God. That was very heroic of me and no one saw?" I asked as I noticed Bella standing alone.

"They just walked inside. I'll be sure to announce to the restaurant that you're brave and deserve a medal though."

"You'd do that for me?" I teased and handed her Kate's purse.

"Of course I would. Just add it to the list, right after shanking your friend," she shook with laughter as I stepped closer, towering over her.

"Hey," I whispered and brought both hands to her face.

"Is this the part when you kiss me?" she asked as I leaned down closer to her mouth.

"Yes," I laughed quietly, lips hovering over hers. "If that's okay. I'm already here so I might as well follow through. And I remembered not to mention Kelly Clarkson, so that's good."

"Yeah, that is good," she said as her chest heaved with anticipation.

"Alright. Here goes," I said and pushed my lips against hers. We stayed still for a moment before our lips began to move together frantically. Her hands suddenly found my hair and I groaned as I moved one hand down to her hip, bringing her closer to me. Her lips were soft, chapstick soft, and she pulled on my hoodie, releasing a small moan. She was the first to pull away and I stared down at her with hooded eyes, smiling at the redness around her mouth and chin from my scruff.

"I can't even lie right now. You're not terrible at all," she admitted and I kissed her once more.

"So, the tongue was good?"

"The tongue was amazing."

"So...pancake face time?" I asked, grabbed her hand and pointed towards the restaurant.

"Yeah. Pancake face time."

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><p><strong>AN:** **French kiss for the win. Now maybe they'll order french toast and then later Bella can french braid his belly hair... O.o Just keeping with the theme here, people. Thanks for reading.  
><strong>


	14. 1:53 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>1:53 a.m.<br>**

"Why are you humming a Kelly Clarkson song?" Kate asked in disgust.

"Quality," I replied cryptically, receiving a knowing smile from Bella.

Kate sighed and grabbed a piece of pancake with her hand. "I guess it's better than humming Taylor Swift."

"Dude. After the shit they've been playing recently at The Cellar, it's no wonder you've resorted to singing Kelly Clarkson," Ben snorted while pouring half the bottle of syrup over everything on his plate.

"Right. Like you pay attention to the music played. You're usually too busy spitting game to notice things like that," I replied with a roll of my eyes.

"That," he said, forking pancakes into his mouth, "is actually true."

"To be honest, I don't think they've ever played shit at The Cellar," Bella added seriously.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that," I said with a nod. "Just because most people are ignorant of the music played there doesn't mean it's all shit. Earlier they played Devendra Banhart and he's not shit. He's fucking quality in my book."

"Stop saying 'quality'," Kate ordered before resting her head on the table.

"Yes! Exactly," Bella agreed while staring at me with the faintest of smiles. "All of those wannabe hipsters pretend to love obscure music, but when an artist they've never heard of is played it's automatically considered shit to them!"

"I don't know what the fuck y'all are saying," Ben scoffed. "What's a Devendra?"

"Just...never mind," I groaned, rubbing my hands over my face.

"I swear to god if I hear 'Pumped Up Kicks' one more time I'm going to puke in someone's face," Bella said as she pushed the food around on her plate with her fork. "It's so ridiculous. 'Oh, hey, I'm such a hipster because I love Foster The People'. Uh, no you're not and please comb your hair. Thanks."

"Whats wrong with Foster The People?" Ben questioned.

"What _isn't_ wrong with Foster The People?" I exclaimed as Bella fist-bumped me.

"See? Edward understands." She laughed and pushed her plate towards me. "For that, you can have a piece of my bacon."

"Sweet."

"Ew. Aren't y'all cute. If you didn't already have a soul mate, I'd say he's The One, Bell," Kate mumbled while slightly lifting her head before dropping it against the table again.

"What the fuck is a soul mate and can I have her hash browns?" Ben asked and reached over to grab Kate's plate.

"Bella's in love with this dorky blogger on some stupid website," Kate explained, cheek still pressed against the dirty table. "It's so lame and creepy. She even has a file on her laptop with most of the articles he's written. Sometimes I feel sorry for her."

"I think I prefer your real vomit to your word vomit," Bella groaned before staring down at her hands. I watcher her for a second, trying to work out what Kate had just said. "Whatever. You know what? I don't care. It might sound weird, but he gets me."

"You mean he gets you...wet," Kate snorted.

"Now you're just being obnoxious." Bella crossed her arms before looking up at me. "I literally agree with everything he says about the bands he writes about. He's so spot on and passionate and witty and..." she trailed off before letting out a half laugh, half scoff. "I'm pretty sure he lives in Dallas because that's where the site started up. And, God, you're looking at me like I'm a freak," Bella muttered as my jaw went slack.

"What website?" I recovered quickly.

"Huh?"

"The blogger. Which website does he write for?" I asked again as my pulse raced.

"Gorilla vs. Bear," Bella replied casually and holy shit.

"Holy shit, that's-" Ben began to say.

"A quality blog," I interrupted, hoping Ben would keep his mouth shut for once. "Who's the blogger? Maybe I've read some of his stuff."

"Anthony Masen," Kate blurted out before closing her eyes. I broke out into a grin before reining it in. "Bella looked him up on Facebook but couldn't find him."

"Well, there were a few Anthony Masens on Facebook, but I refuse to believe that my music soul mate is four-hundred pounds and makes a pouty face for the camera."

"Yeah, but he is a blogger. Those guys can be weird," I said with a smirk. I ran both hands through my hair and added, "He might even be four hundred pounds."

"I guess I'll never know." Bella sighed.

"I bet he has an ugly goatee," Kate mumbled.

"I bet he doesn't brush his teeth," Ben added with a sly smile.

"I bet he likes R Kelly," I offered, gauging Bella's reaction.

"Some soul mate, huh?" Bella grumbled.

"I also bet he'd really like you if he ever met you," I said softly before Bella excused herself to the bathroom with Kate stumbling behind her.

"Holy fuck," Ben breathed out. "That's some funny shit, right?"

"I guess so. Yeah," I replied in shock.

"Why didn't you just tell Blue Scarf it's you?"

"I don't know...fuck," I mumbled. "Maybe that's not something I should mention around your scrub ass and Kate's vomit breath."

"That's respectable, man."

I was thinking of a way to tell Bella it was me, that I was the dorky blogger on the stupid website, when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and scoffed as I looked at the screen.

"It's Jasper," I said to Ben who yelled 'faggot fuck' as I answered and put it on speakerphone.

"Open bar. Get your asses over here now," Jasper yelled then hung up.

"Fuck yes!" Ben exclaimed before throwing a few dollar bills on the table. "Let's go."

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing and being pretty.  
><strong>

**Voting is now open for The Short 'N Sweet awards! I'd be extremely heart happy if you voted for The Cellar!  
><strong>

**shortnsweetawards . blogspot . com  
><strong>


	15. 2:02 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>2:02 a.m.<br>**

"Gonna piss, smoke, then meet y'all out front," Ben mumbled as he left the table.

I nodded and dialed Jasper's number as I watched Ben stroll towards the back of the diner.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I questioned before Jasper even answered with 'hello'.

"Coworkers wedding. Open bar. Drunk bitches," he explained in exasperation. "The last part doesn't really pertain to you and me, but I know Ben will appreciate it."

Standing from the table, I grabbed Bella's scarf from the back of her chair and walked closer to the exit. "Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?" I asked, digging through my pockets for two quarters.

"Nope. Just get your asses over here," Jasper demanded. "I'm at the Hilton. Walk in, take the escalator to the second floor, and the eighties music should lead you to the correct ballroom."

"You realize it's past two in the morning, right?"

"Yes, and what _you_ don't realize is that this reception is rockin'."

"God," I groaned, staring at the selection of candy in front of me before using one quarter for a handful of M&M's and the other for Reese's Pieces. "You just said 'rockin'', didn't you? How much jäger have you consumed?"

"Not enough if I'm still able to stand and speak," Jasper admitted with a chuckle. "Hurry the hell up, bromosexual."

"Okay. But I don't know how I feel about crashing a wedding reception."

"Open bar," Jasper blurted out.

"Okay. But I don't even know the couple that just got married," I argued, fully knowing I wasn't going to win this.

"Open bar."

"Okay. But I don't know-"

"Listen," Jasper said in his 'what I'm about to say will force you into changing your mind' voice. "The bride just attempted to be lifted a la _Dirty Dancing_ and face planted on the ballroom floor. No one gives a fuck if you're here, no one will even notice y'all."

I hesitated and glanced up the same moment Bella and Kate walked out of the bathroom. Bella caught my eye and smiled before Kate walked to an empty table and grabbed a piece of leftover bacon from a random plate.

"I'm bringing someone, is that cool?" I asked in a low voice.

Jasper whistled. "Female?"

I choked out a laugh. "Gross. I hope not," I joked before hanging up.

Kate attempted to moonwalk past me and I stepped in front of Bella, blocking her path.

"M&M's or Reeses Pieces?" I asked and held out both hands.

Bella's face broke out into a grin as she pointed to the handful she wanted. "Reese's Pieces, of course. Thanks."

I popped the handful of M&M's into my mouth and stared down at her, laughing when she tugged on her scarf resting around my neck.

"So..." I trailed off, wrapping the scarf around her neck. "Are you busy?"

"When?"

I glanced at my non-existent watch. "Right now."

"Oh. Hm." Bella thought for a moment. "What did you have in mind?"

"Wedding reception," I answered and watched her face go from playful to confused.

"I hate to break your heart, but you realize I was joking about all of that fiancée stuff, right?" she asked, poking my side.

"Yes." I chuckled and wrapped my fingers around her wrist. "I realize that. I wasn't talking about _our_ wedding reception."

"Whose wedding?"

"You remember the Zac Efron fan fiction reader?" I asked, raising my eyebrows when she started choking on her candy from laughter.

"The friend who is supposed to get shanked," Bella stated after she recovered.

"Exactly. Well, it's one of his coworkers. They're at the Hilton right now and the, I quote, 'reception is rockin''."

"No!" Bella gasped in feigned shock. "He used that word?"

"Blame it on the alcohol," I deadpanned.

Bella eyed me for a second. "Blame it on the Goose, got him feeling loose?"

"You're cute."

"You're biased because I'm a great kisser," she snipped.

"So, do you want to go? To the reception? With me?" I asked in a choppy sentence, just to really get my point across.

"Hm. It could be fun, but it's a bit weird showing up to a reception when you don't even know the bride or groom, right?"

"Right, that's what I thought, too. But then I was informed that the bride just face planted on the ballroom floor. Oh, and there's an open bar."

"Say no more," Bella replied, covering my lips with a finger. "You had me at 'the bride just face planted'."

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you all have "Blame It On The Alcohol" stuck in your heads all day, because I know I will. Thanks for reading.  
><strong>


	16. 2:14 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>2:14 a.m.<br>**

"Do you think they'll play_ Shout_?" Kate asked, stumbling as we exited the cab. "It's not a wedding if you don't dance to _Shout_."

"You aren't coming with us," Bella said, hooking their arms together.

I ducked back into the cab to let the driver and Ben know we'd be right back.

"Hurry the hell up," I heard Ben yell after I slammed the door shut.

Kate hiccuped. "Where are we going?"

"We're dropping you off with the babysitter," Bella told her, causing her to pout. "There he is." She pointed to Emmett who was sitting on the curb, devouring a bratwurst.

"This is so good. This is so good. This is so good," I heard him chanting over and over again, completely disregarding the fact we were standing in front of him.

"Emmett, this is Edward," Bella said, kicking his shoe with hers. "We like him because he didn't yell at Kate for throwing up on his shoes."

"Yo, Puke Shoes," Emmett replied, not looking up from the bratwurst.

I waved while Kate sat on the curb next to him, eyeing the sausage.

Bella crossed her arms as she said, "We're going to the Hilton, so it's your turn to babysit Kate."

Emmett raised his eyebrows and gave me a look. "The Hilton, huh? Y'all move fast."

"Well, we _are_ engaged," I answered, draping my arm over Bella's shoulder, pulling her into my side.

Bella laughed and wrapped her arm around my waist before saying, "He's the sweetest fiancé I've ever had."

"Right," Emmett said, not reacting to our claims of being engaged. "So, the Hilton?"

"Yes," Bella answered.

"Why?"

"Gonna crash a wedding reception," I answered this time.

Emmett let out a sigh. "You trust him?" he asked, looking at Bella.

"Yep." She nodded furiously and added, "He hasn't drugged me yet, so that's good."

"Do you get a serial killer vibe from him?" Emmett asked seriously.

"Well, I'd hope he's a serial killer!" Bella gasped. "You know I only tend to hang out with serial killers and rapists."

"I have a sausage in my mouth, Bella. Now's not the time to joke with me," he scolded, taking another large bite.

"I promise not to kill or rape," I butted in. "If that makes you feel any better about her leaving with me."

"I don't know. I get a serial killer vibe, Bell," Emmett said while eyeing me. "He has a creepy smile."

"Does he?" Bella asked and looked up at me. "Smile," she instructed and I gave her my best grin. "Nah, I think he's okay."

"Thanks," I said, resting my hand on her head.

"Well, if he tries to rape you, use the 'bows. Those things are killer."

"Will do." Bella sighed and walked closer to Kate. "Watch her."

"Will do," he said, pointing at his elbow before waving goodbye.

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter is short because Livie79 just poured alcohol in my coffee. Happy 'eat everything with your face' Day! And no, that isn't supposed to make sense.  
><strong>


	17. 2:33 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>2:33 a.m.<strong>

"Can I borrow a condom?" Ben asked me the moment we pulled in front of the hotel.

I laughed loudly as I leaned over Bella to open the door for her before paying the driver.

Ben waited outside the cab and stared expectantly, and I'm pretty sure he was about to hold out his hand. As if I were going to just pull out a condom right here and place it in his palm.

"Oh." I paused and looked over at Bella who shrugged. "You were being serious?"

"Well, yeah. Safe sex is serious," Ben explained, causing Bella to jokingly gasp at his statement. "So, you got one I can borrow?"

I shuddered as we walked through the sliding doors of the hotel. "That word is making me cringe."

"What word would you rather me use other than 'condom'?" he asked with a grin. "Cock sock? Love glove? Willy wrap?"

"I was talking about 'borrow' when used in front of 'condom', you moron," I groaned. "I'd prefer if you didn't have the intention of returning a condom to me."

"Whatever. You know what I meant. Don't be such a stickler for my choice of words," he replied as we stepped onto the escalator. "And don't hold out on me. It's not like you need a condom, anyway. I'm pretty sure Blue Scarf isn't going to put out."

"He's right," Bella began with a nod. "I'm a virgin and refuse to let you take my virtue. So, cough up the cock sock for your pal."

"Good to know because I only like to hang out with virgins," I joked and stared at Bella's blank expression. "So, did that sound as creepy as I think it did?"

"Pretty much," she answered.

"Stop with the back and forth shit y'all do." Ben pouted. "What am I supposed to if I'm propositioned to bone in the bathroom?"

"You tell him you aren't that kind of guy and you need to get to know him first," I replied, eliciting a 'fuck you' from Ben as he stormed off the escalator, walking ahead of us.

We made our way down the hall towards the music, and I bobbed my head as we walked into the ballroom.

"This song is a bit cliché, huh?" Bella said loudly over the music.

"It's mandatory for _Celebration_ to be played at weddings," I argued, still bobbing my head. "We're gonna have a good time tonight. Let's celebrate. It's alright, Bella."

She stared incredulously at me before cracking a smile. "Quote it all you want. We definitely aren't going to play this song at our wedding."

"We definitely _are_ playing it at our wedding," I said in both amusement and shock. "What's next? No cake allowed at our wedding?"

"Cake is fine," she mused with a smirk. "Especially when I shove it in your face."

"I'll refrain from saying _I have something I'll shove in your face_ because that's just not something you say to a virgin," I teased as she snorted. "Aren't you glad you don't have a drink yet? You know you would've snorted it through your nose."

"You know me so well," she said, patting my cheek.

I smiled down at her before nodding towards the bar, pointing out Jasper. I danced my way over in his direction and kicked the back of his leg, interrupting his conversation with Ben.

"Shit," Jasper yelled, turning around to flip me off. "I'm wearing a suit. Keep your puke smelling shoes away from me."

I groaned as Bella laughed next to me. The smell really wasn't getting any better.

"Is this the _someone_ you mentioned on the phone?" he asked, noticing Bella.

"Yes, this is the someone," I concurred as Bella waved. "We like her because she knits, shoves pancakes in her face, and hates PBR."

"Hi. I'm Jasper, Edward's favorite friend," he greeted.

"Hey. I'm Bella, Edward's favorite fiancée," Bella replied. "Can I just say your hair looks better than I imagined."

"How did you imagine it'd look?" Jasper asked with an amused smirk.

"Awful," she admitted. "I've never met anyone named Jasper before and I wasn't sure what to expect, but I am impressed."

"I use conditioner like a motherfucker," Jasper explained and I gave him a _what the fuck are you talking about_ face.

"Uh. So, do you want some champagne?" I asked, nudging Bella's shoulder. She nodded and I ordered two glasses from the bartender while she made small talk with Jasper. Ben walked away when he saw someone he wanted to 'get to know'.

"Do you hear that, Belly?" I leaned down to whisper in her ear, eliciting an eye roll "They're playing our song."

Bella gave me a tiny smile before draining her champagne glass. "Really? _At Last_ is our song? Cliché," she coughed out.

"Hey, you deemed _You Make My Dreams_ our song earlier. Let me have my fun."

"Fine, fine."

"Let's go impress all these fuckers," I suggested with a nod towards the dance floor.

"I'm good with not face planting like the bride. Thanks, though."

"C'mon. You can't _not_ dance," I argued, tugging on her arm. "It's blasphemous not to dance to our song."

Bella playfully narrowed her eyes at me and dropped her head. "Fine, you win. Come on. Seduce me with your moves."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said, holding my hands out in front of my chest. "Don't get ahead of yourself here. I said nothing about seducing."

"You don't have faith that your moves are seductive?"

"Oh, I have faith in my moves," I responded, pulling her against me in one fluid move. "You ready to get your dip on?" I asked, feeling her body shake with laughter.

"Dip away."

"Don't you worry, I won't let you face plant," I promised before tightening my grip on her waist, then leaning over to dip her. She let her head fall back with a squeal and I pulled her back up. "See? I got skills."

"You've definitely got _something,_" she laughed before we fell silent.

"I also have something I want to ask you," I whispered against her temple.

"So do I," she replied softly.

"You go first."

"Okay." She took a deep breath. "Do I still have to shank Jasper? Because I really don't want to. He's nice and I can't let myself shank someone who conditions their hair like a motherfucker."

"Oh." We stopped swaying and I pulled back, laughing at how serious she sounded. "Fine. You're off the hook. You don't have to shank him."

"Thank you. So, what were you going to ask?" she questioned, staring up at me.

"We need to discuss..." I trailed off and stopped myself, wondering how exactly I should tell her I was the blogger.

Could I just straight up say 'hey, yo, I'm the blogger and you're probably in love with me'?. Or maybe I could just drop hints because that seemed like the best way to not embarrass myself. She was pretty smart, maybe she would figure it out. Or maybe I could just... put it off for a little longer because my plans were shit.

"What's going on in there?" she asked in confusion.

"We need to discuss the music that will be played at our wedding," I began, searching her face, watching it fall for a second. "I need to make sure you know what you're doing since you claim you'll be in charge."

"Okay..."

"Do you have a favorite singer or band?"

"Besides R Kelly and Hall & Oates?" she joked, then fell silent as she thought. "I really like Of Montreal. You probably don't know that band, but..."

"Yeah, no, I do. Kevin Barnes is a genius," I agreed with a sly smile

"He really is."

"What do you think about the latest album?"

"I'm still deciding. I mean, all of the albums are so different, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. What about you?"

"The new album is bit more esoteric," I spoke lowly, quoting one of my latest blogs about the album. Maybe she'd catch on, maybe she wouldn't. "It's probably not something everyone is going to like and the songs are definitely more intimate and confessional," I finished.

Bella was silent as she searched my face. I cleared my throat, feeling self conscious at the way she was staring at me.

"What was that?" she asked quietly.

"What was what?"

"I don't know. That sounded familiar," she replied, shaking her head.

I shrugged and smiled at the ground just as Ben slid over to us a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Except he was wearing pants and for that, I was thankful.

"Breaking into the pool, bitches," Ben interrupted. "And I'm skinny dipping. You're welcome, Bella."

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter was a bit longer to make up for not posting over the past 2 days! Hope everyone had a great time stuffing their faces with tear-inducing turkey**.** I KNOW I DID.** **Thanks for reading and being sweet with the reviews!**


	18. 2:58 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>2:58 a.m.<strong>

"Have you ever been kicked out of a hotel before?" I asked Bella before she sighed and pushed my shoulder "What? I'm just saying we're probably going to get in trouble for coming up here. I can't afford to be arrested."

"Be adventurous. Try new things."

"I'm going to have to think that way once I get hauled off to jail," I whined.

We took the elevator to the roof and walked down the eerily silent hall. Bella ignored my comments about The Shining and pointed to the door at the end of the hall, which was slightly ajar thanks to Ben's shoe. I pushed the door open and kicked his shoe along with us as we walked out to find Jasper and Ben standing off to the side, looking like fucking idiots.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, kicking Ben's shoe towards him.

"This is everyone," he scoffed. "Lame, but whatever. Bella, you can strip first."

"Screw that," she argued. "I thought there'd be more people up here. Besides, I never said I'd skinny dip."

"You have to," Ben pouted. "Shit. It can't just be me, Edward and Jas swimming around naked in a pool."

I rubbed my face and laughed humorlessly at his effort to get Bella naked.

Jasper looked between Bella and me before turning to Ben and ushering him away. "Dude, let's go back to the reception. I'm not about to skinny dip with you two fuckers while Bella watches. Even _I_ know this is gay."

I gave Jasper an appreciative look as he and Ben walked back inside the hotel.

"Let's get down to business," Bella said once they were gone.

"What?" I asked with a confused smirk.

She removed her scarf and tossed it on the plastic chair. "Would you rather jump in or have me push you in?"

"I appreciate the offer, really, but I'm think I'm going to pass," I said and took a step away from her as she gave me an evil smirk.

"Okay...but then I'm going to have to trip you to make you fall into the pool and that might be a little awkward."

"That _might_ be awkward?"

"Come on, just get in. Jasper was obviously doing us a favor by taking Ben back to the reception. Get in," she said again, pulling off her shoes.

I watched with raised eyebrows as she pulled her long sleeved shirt over her head to reveal a tank top, then began unbuttoning her jeans to reveal a tiny pair of boy shorts. I looked away then immediately looked back as she walked over to the edge of the pool and slowly dipped herself in.

"It's warm. Come on," she pushed as she swam backward towards the middle of the pool.

"I don't know." I shook my head. "As much as these jeans do need to be washed, and probably with chlorine, I don't exactly feel like walking around with wet clothes later."

"Then take them off. I took mine off."

"Would you be doing this if were you sober?" I questioned. She dipped her head underwater and disappeared for a second before breaking the surface.

"Yes," she gasped, wiping her eyes. "I would be doing this if I were sober."

"Oh, so you like to do illegal things?"

"Swimming isn't illegal," she pointed out before grabbing onto the rail to get out of the pool.

"The pool is closed," I argued, stepping back as she walked closer to me.

"We aren't going to go to jail for swimming in a pool, Edward. Take off your jeans," she ordered and reached for my belt as I pulled back. "What? Are you wearing some really embarrassing underwear right now or something?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

She stood there, dripping wet and crossed her arms over the tank top that was clinging to her chest. "Boxers or briefs?"

I dropped my head. "Listen," I started as she doubled over in laughter, realizing I was embarrassed of my boxers. "Keep in mind if I would've known I was going to be swimming, I would've chosen some sexier boxers to wear tonight."

"What do you have on?" she asked through a fit of laughter.

"They may or may not have Batman on them." I paused. "And they may or may not have, like, ten holes in them."

"Alright, now _this_ I gotta see."

"You won't want to be my friend anymore."

"Whatever. 'For better or worse'," she teased. "This might fall under the 'worse' category, but I'll stick around."

I tried to give her my best blank stare before I failed and laughed.

"Edward. I'm not going to kiss you again unless you get into the pool."

"Don't threaten me with your kisses," I scolded her as I stared at her lips.

"It's a compromise. You get into the pool, you'll get a kiss."

"Coercion," I said with a shake of my head.

"I won't laugh at your stupid boxers, I promise. In fact, I'll turn around or something until you get into the pool if you don't want me to look."

"No, just...it's fine," I conceded with a sigh. "But now you owe me a kiss."

I pulled off my shoes, unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my jeans before letting them fall to the ground. And then Bella frowned in confusion.

"Dammit," she cursed lowly.

"What?" I asked as I pulled my shirt over my head.

"How the hell do you make Batman boxers look good? Holey Batman boxers, at that!"

"Shut up," I laughed and kicked my clothes over to where hers were. "Go ahead, you can laugh."

"No, really. I _want_ to laugh, so bad. But I can't. I actually just want to cry now."

"My holey Batman boxers are about to make you cry? That's a first." I laughed at her annoyed glare then proceeded to cannonball myself into the pool.

I stayed underwater longer than necessary, waiting for her to get back in and rescue me. I opened my eyes underwater and saw her swimming towards me before I felt her hands in my hair. She pulled me up by my shoulders and I gasped, pretending to be out of breath before she dunked my head underwater.

I shot back up and playfully narrowed my eyes as I grabbed her waist before she tried swimming away. "So, thanks for not letting me drown."

She smiled and wrapped her legs around my waist and arms around my neck. "You're too cute to not save."

"It was the Batman boxers, right? Once you saw those you knew you just couldn't live another day without me."

"Right." She laughed and I leaned my head back, dipping my hair in the water. "You had me at holey Batman boxers."

I lifted my head and shook my hair out, causing her to shriek as water hit her face.

"Well, you had me at..." I thought back to the ridiculous conversations we had tonight. "You had me at 'you fucked my friend on a couch'."

"Oh, God!" she groaned in embarrassment. "I did say that to you, didn't I?"

"Don't be embarrassed. It worked."

"Yeah? How so?"

"Well...you have me half naked in a pool right now."

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"And I'm about to kiss you again, so there's that," I said and watched her try so hard not to react to my words.

"Dang, I did well tonight, huh? Two kisses and a half naked guy in a pool. I wonder how well I'll do next weekend."

"Shut up," I laughed and splashed her face with water.

"Uncalled for splashage!" she shrieked.

"That's not a word," I argued, grabbing her ass to lift her higher against my chest.

"If Ben can say boneworthy, I can say splashage."

"Fine." I sighed.

"Can we kiss now so I'll stop making up words?"

"Fine," I said again with a grin.

Her fingers played with the back of my hair as I closed the short distance between us, planting my lips softly onto hers. Our lips moved together slowly at first until she pushed her hips against me and tightened her legs around my waist. I pulled back, staring at her before she leaned in again, covering my mouth with hers. I walked us backward toward the edge of the pool and stopped when the back of my heels hit the bottom stair.

I sat my ass down on one of the stairs, keeping her legs around me. "Fuck," I moaned.

"I know," she panted as I moved my lips to her neck. "I know. Your boxers turn me on so much," she breathed.

I groaned out a laugh. "Stop making fun of me," I whispered, grazing my teeth across her neck, causing her to grind her hips against me.

My hands moved to her ass, her hands moved to my hair. Water splashed between us and she joked about me getting her wet as I laughed against her lips. She moaned and frantically kissed my neck and my chest and I pushed her wet, tangled hair out of her face just as a security guard busted us.

We pulled apart and smiled sheepishly as we did as we were told and got out of the pool. I tried my best to block his view of Bella as I handed her my shirt to pull on over her wet clothes.

"Uh, sorry," I started as Bella gathered our things. "We're with the wedding party," I lied.

"So, we'll just go back down there and tell our friends we're leaving," Bella finished for me and nodded towards the exit.

The security guard eyed my boxers and said nothing more.

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><p><strong>AN: Manips of (wet) Rob in (wet) Batman boxers are better than reviews. JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE. Thanks for reading.  
><strong>

**Make sure to check out A Beautiful Mess by Livie79. great story & she's nice because she kept me drunk for four days.  
><strong>


	19. 3:23 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>3:23 a.m.<strong>

"Nice. You got her wet," Ben snickered as we stood in front of him in our wet clothes.

I glanced down at our damp clothing. We had managed to somehow pull our jeans on over our wet legs, then changed into our respective shirts before walking into the ballroom. We ignored Ben's comment and began walking over towards Jasper until Bella grabbed my arm, stopping me in place.

"Jasper's talking to the bride," Bella whispered loudly and I stared blankly at her statement. "She's the one in white."

"No shit, that's the bride?"

"Hey, I was just trying to help. You looked confused." Bella dropped her hand from my arm before saying, "Should we really go over there? She'll know we weren't invited to the wedding."

I broke out into a grin. "You're nervous about the bride finding out we crashed her reception? You just swam in a closed pool, risking jail and my asshole!"

She crossed her arms and gave me a once-over. "Yeah, you're too pretty."

I glared, refusing to thank her even if that was some kind of backhanded compliment. No one ever wants to hear that they'd be a bitch in jail. No one.

"Why don't you go tell Jasper we're leaving and I'll go use the bathroom in the lobby."

"Okay," I agreed, "I'll meet you downstairs in a second." She nodded and slipped out of the ballroom.

Jasper tried convincing me to stay when he didn't see Bella nearby, then practically shooed me away once I told him she was waiting for me downstairs. I thanked him for distracting Ben earlier and he gave me a look of understanding. We were both ready for Ben to be in New York, it went without saying.

Taking the escalator down to the lobby, I spotted Bella in one of the chairs off to the side, looking incredibly up to no good with the smile that was playing with her lips.

"You ready to go?" I asked, feeling exhaustion taking over.

"Yep," she said emphatically, standing and kissing my cheek.

"Okay. What's with the smile and the kiss?"

"Just playing the part," she giggled, linking our arms together.

"'The part' being..."

"Blushing bride."

"Alright. What did you do?" I questioned, glancing around the lobby.

"I may or may not have just booked the honeymoon suite," she blurted out, holding out a card key.

"Are you fucking serious?" I half laughed, half choked. "Aren't the bride and groom staying in the honeymoon suite?"

"Maybe the hotel has more than one honeymoon suite. Or maybe bride and groom are staying somewhere else. Or maybe they are immediately flying out to some private island after the reception. Or maybe-"

"Hey. Focus."

"Right." Bella shook her head and started over as I watched in amusement. "Anyway, I walked to the front desk like I owned the place and booked the room."

"And they just...let you do that?" I stared at her wet clothes and damp hair and smeared makeup. "To put it nicely, you look like a scrub."

"Whatever! A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly, and is also known as a buster. _I_ do not look like a scrub."

"Come on. Spill. How'd you get the room?" I pushed, shaking her hip.

"Yeah, so there were these drunk ladies in the restroom and I may or may not have stolen one of their hats. I looked super sophisticated, not going to lie."

"And that worked," I stated with a smirk, fully knowing she was bullshitting.

Bella bit the inside of her cheek. "Okay, fuck, you detail pusher! I flashed the guy at the front desk some side boob because he got pissy when I requested chilled champagne, going on about how I needed to reserve the room in advance."

Draping my arm over her shoulder, I pulled her closer and mumbled, "You, my_ bride_, flashed the front desk dude side boob?"

She shrugged. "Apparently I give good side boob."

"I wanna see," I murmured, letting my hand slide down her shoulder.

"What! No. You have nothing I want. You'll get the side boob when I want something from you."

"I think I have some Tic Tacs in my pocket." I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Mr. and Mrs. Wayne? Your room is ready," a voice called out and we turned around.

"Thank you, kind sir," Bella started with...an English accent. "Your services have been superb. Cheerio...ole chap."

I nodded towards the man and speed walked my ass to the elevators before I pissed my pants or had to hear the accent again. Whichever would come first, I wasn't sure. We stepped into the elevator and I waited until the doors closed to cover my face.

"You...the accent...and then, really? Bruce Wayne?"

"I was channeling his butler," she noted, pressing the button to the floor we needed. "That's where the accent came from."

"Seriously, don't freak out because we're in a very confined space, but I think I love you."

Bella smiled at the floor. "Uh, well I'd hope so. You did marry me."

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><p><strong>AN: I'm such a bloke. Posting the second part of this chapter in, like, ten minutes once I finish it. Thanks for reading, mate.**

**Props to Livie79 for inspiring the TLC lyrics. And also for indulging me (with minimal side eye) as we spoke with British accents** **to strangers.**


	20. 3:36 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>3:36 a.m.<strong>

I followed her down the hall to the room and she handed me the card key to open the door.

"Wait a second," she said, staring expectantly.

"What? Don't back out on me now, I need that side boob."

"You need to carry me over the threshold," she said, tapping her foot.

"Right. What the hell was I thinking?" I laughed and held the door open with my foot. She stepped closer and I reached out, grabbing her waist and lifting her in my arms. She squealed and wrapped her arms around my neck as I walked through the doorway.

"You're really good at this," she commented. "I bet you do this all the time, huh?"

"Of course. Carrying women over thresholds is my big move."

"Let's hope not," she mumbled as the door slammed behind us.

I set her on her feet and we had a moment of silence as we looked around the room.

"So...do you want to jump on the bed now or later?" I asked seriously.

She looked over at me, smiled and started running towards the bed. I chased after her and threw myself on the bed then kicked off my shoes. Bella jumped around me, throwing her scarf and wet shirt onto the floor.

"I'd like some side boob now," I announced, eying the tank top that clung to her chest. She hissed in response and threw her shoes across the room.

"Oh my God," she said between bounces, "this bed. Heaven. Heaven, I tell you."

I laid with my arms under my head, smiling as she bounced around me singing 'Ignition'.

"Jump," she commanded.

"Boobs," I retorted. "You're making me all jealous with the front desk dude getting to sneak a peek."

"Yeah, but I bet that accent I used killed the attraction for him."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I sighed then yelped when she hit my shin with her heel.

"Jump, you know you want to."

"And get decapitated by the ceiling fan? Uh, no thanks. I'll pass."

"Understandable."

I spotted the bottle of chilled champagne across the room and left the bed.

"Do you actually want any of this?" I eyed her, breathlessly dropping herself against the mattress.

"No, not really. I had another idea for it..." She paused. "But you might think it's weird."

"Oh, trust me. I'm pretty sure there's nothing you can say that would weird me out."

Bella hesitated for a moment. "Wanna make it rain?"

"Come again?" I asked, eying the bottle in my hand.

"You know, pop the cork and spray it around the room. Make it champagne rain." When I didn't react, she started begging. "Please. I flashed side boob to get that shit and I want you to make. it. rain."

"This marriage isn't going to work if you keep holding the side boob over my head. I'm just saying."

She grinned widely and hopped off the bed as I popped the cork and...absolutely nothing happened.

"That was a little anticlimactic," I mused.

"No joke."

"Sorry, I mean, in school they don't teach you how to make it champagne rain." I shrugged and set the bottle on the table. "I have some Tic Tacs in my pocket," I said again. "I can throw those in the air for you."

"No, I have a different request." I walked back over towards the bed and sat down, moving back to rest against the headboard. "I want to lick it," she said once I was comfortable.

I glanced down at my crotch then back up at her.

"No! I want to lick your scruffy jaw, you perv!" she shrieked with laughter.

"Okay, and how exactly am _I_ the perv?"

"Don't question it," she commanded and hopped over my legs. "Come on. Just one lick"

"Are you sure you'll be able to stop yourself?" I teased, causing her to narrow her eyes. "Fine. Lick away," I said, throwing my hands in the air.

"You're nice," she mumbled and straddled me on the bed, leaning down, breathing warm air on my neck. "Are you ready?"

"Uh." I swallowed and nodded then felt her tongue glide across my jaw. She pulled back looking all too satisfied and I couldn't help the laughter that escaped. "You know I'm never going to let you live that down, right?"

"Yeah, I figured," she complained, keeping her spot in my lap.

"Lowest of lows," I teased, running my hands down her back.

"Yeah, well...you...don't know how to make it rain. So."

"You got me." I sighed. "Would you have done that if you were sober?"

"What, lick your jaw?" she questioned and I gave her a nod. "God, I hope not. That'd be embarrassing."

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><p><strong>AN: Yeahhh. I have no words right now**. **OH WAIT, YES I DO. You know you'd ask to lick the jaw. Thanks for reading.**


	21. 3:51 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>3:51 a.m.<strong>

My face immediately broke out into a grin when Bella pulled back after licking my jaw for a second time.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to stop yourself."

"It's just sitting there, begging me to lick it," she said in a serious tone, making no apology.

I couldn't let myself care that the jaw licking might have been considered odd. Because nothing tonight had been weird. Maybe for our friends and the poor, unsuspecting strangers we involved with our antics, but not weird for us. Not weird for me.

There'd been puke shoes and talk of drug dealers, claims of being engaged and holey Batman boxers. But not once was there an awkward silence. She didn't cease to one up my banter, and that'd never happened before with anyone. Not with an attractive female that snorted every beverage out her nose and gave amazing side boob to strangers.

"Okay. My turn." My voice was strained as my hands ran down her back, teasing and taunting with my statement.

She glared for a split second. "I don't have a scruffy jaw for you to lick."

I let out a soft chuckle as my hands moved down to her waist and up her stomach, stopping too short and causing her to shiver in response.

"You owe me side boob since I let you lick my jaw," I whispered, gauging her reaction.

"Oh, do I, now?" she asked with snark.

"Yes, you do. _Tit_," I squeezed her side, below her breast, "for tat."

She tried so hard not to roll her eyes and laugh at my joke, but in the end she did.

"I can see it written all over your face, Bella. Don't hold back. Give in to your urge to flash the side boob."

"That's not the only urge I want to give into," she said quietly and vaguely, although I'm pretty sure I got the message.

Bella adjusted herself on my lap, causing me to groan in response. She stared at me knowingly, playfully, like she had a secret and found something all too amusing. Or maybe not, maybe it was the alcohol screwing with my head. She leaned closer to kiss me, just a peck, but I leaned in for more and grabbed the back of her head with one hand.

"We should get out of these wet clothes," she suggested, somehow managing to pull away from my lips and hop off the bed.

"Ah, ha." I let out a breath and hit my palms against the mattress. "There might be some robes in the bathroom."

"Perfect, because what's a honeymoon without a little terrycloth?" she asked and I stared at her ass before she disappeared into the bathroom.

"The same as one without jaw licking: boring." I joked and smiled to myself.

She walked out of the bathroom and tossed one of the robes on my face.

"I also found this in the bathroom," she said, and I felt a bottle hit my stomach.

Pulling the robe off my face, I inspected the bottle of bubble bath she'd tossed on my stomach and stared questioningly at her.

"I refuse to make it rain with this, just letting you know that right now," I deadpanned, swinging my legs off the bed.

"What's a honeymoon without a bubble bath?"

I tossed it back to her. "So, what am I supposed to do while you're bathing?" I asked, not knowing if she was inviting me to join her, and not wanting to assume that was the case.

"Don't be silly," she replied with heavy eyes. "The Batman boxers could've been a hoax. I need to make sure you're still hot, even with a bubble mohawk."

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><p><strong>AN: Manips of Rob with a bubble mohawk are greatly appreciated.**** One more update later tonight.  
><strong>

**Spoiler alert: THERE WILL BE BUBBLE BEARDS. Thanks for rec'ing and tweeting and not booking me a room at the asylum. And thanks to Livie79 for prereading this & telling me she'll shank me.  
><strong>


	22. 4:01 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>4:01 a.m.<strong>

"So, how is this going to work?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

Bella pulled off her jeans, leaving them on the floor before I followed her into the bathroom. She set both robes on the counter and stared rather blankly.

"How is what going to work?"

"What am I doing?" I asked, pointing towards the tub. "Am I in charge of turning on the faucet? Testing the water temperature? Maybe I can pour the bubbles. Or-"

She cut me off with, "I know exactly what you're doing."

"What?"

"You're over thinking this!" she accused, poking my side.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

And, okay, maybe she was right. I was totally over thinking it and I couldn't help it. The remnants of the alcohol were slowly wearing off and I still had yet to tell Bella about my identity. She'd distracted me with the swimming and the side boob and the speaking in English accents. There hadn't be a good time to tell her, but maybe now was a good time. Maybe I should tell her before she takes off her clothes-

She pulled her tank top over her head, tossing it to the floor. And maybe I'll just tell her when she's already in the tub.

"It's not a science." She smirked, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You pour the bubbles into the water, and voila. Bubble bath."

"Whatever," I scoffed and lowered my eyes from her chest. "So, you do your thing and I'm going to go get us a drink. Of water. And then bring said water in here, and then you'll already be in the tub-"

"Yes, please do your over thinking out there," she teased, leaning over to turn on the faucet.

I took my time raiding the mini bar, deciding on two bottles of overpriced fucking water. I shuffled into the bathroom and noticed she was already in the tub, bubbles covering her - I glanced at her boy shorts and bra on the floor - already naked body.

"I brought you some water," I mumbled, tossing her the bottle. Except she wasn't looking my way and the bottle hit her in the face before creating a splash. "Shit! Uh. Sorry."

"Smooth," she laughed and reached underwater for the bottle. "Thanks though."

We locked eyes and I unbuttoned my jeans. "So, I'll just...get out of these clothes now."

"You're being awkward," she said bluntly. "It's kind of cute."

"Am I?" I chuckled, which then turned into me choking on my spit, causing me to cough. And then she tossed me her bottle of water so I could take a sip.

"Yeah, you are being awkwardly cute. You just hit me in the face with an eight dollar bottle of water. So."

"That did happen, yeah..." I kicked off my jeans and pulled my shirt over my head, thankfully managing not to trip over my own fucking feet in the process.

"I won't look," she said, eying my boxers before closing her eyes.

I slipped them off and stepped into the tub before sitting closest to the running faucet. It was silent for a few minutes as we just stared and smiled and let the tub fill with water. Her hand rubbed against my foot, causing me to hiss out laughter.

"I totally peeked, by the way," she blurted out. "Nice, hairy ass."

"Figures. You would. And after you gave me such a hard time about not showing me any side boob," I scoffed, splashing her face with water.

"And now I'm naked in the tub. You did well," she admitted, wiping her face.

"The bubble bath was your idea," I pointed out, wondering why it wasn't my idea. "Speaking of, how much of that bubble bath did you use?" I questioned and realized the bubbles kept growing higher, some now spilling over the tub. When I didn't hear Bella reply, I knew I had my answer. "Seriously? The entire bottle?"

"That may have happened," she deadpanned.

"May have?" I yelled, turning off the faucet once the bubbles were so high I could hardly see her. "I thought it was a science. _Voila_," I repeated her words with a chuckle.

"Accidents happen." She sighed and, if I could see her face, I'd bet she was rolling her eyes.

It was quiet and I felt like a fucking schmuck for not telling her about the blogger thing before she got naked. Not that her body was visible- fuck, she wasn't even visible thanks to the bubbles- but just the fact of knowing she was naked was making it hard for me to think, so I did what I did best.

"Is there anyone alive out there? Can anyone hear me?" I mock yelled.

And then there was more silence.

"Did you just... quote Titanic?" she asked, swatting the bubbles away and onto the floor so she could see my face.

"Uh. Maybe," I admitted sheepishly.

"That's good because Titanic quotes really turn me on."

"As do holey Batman boxers," I added, remembering her words from earlier when she was straddling me in the pool.

"Yes and this." She gathered a handful of bubbles and moved closer to me, our slick bodies touching, and placed a bubble beard on my face.

"Bubble beards turn you on, huh?"

She covered her mouth, shaking with laughter, adding more bubbles. "Bubble beards are an aphrodisiac. Didn't you know?"

"I do now," I mumbled as bubbles fell off my face. "What about this?" I grabbed bubbles of my own and placed them on top of my head, creating some type of mohawk. "You wanted to see me with a mohawk. How do I look?"

"You're super fine," she teased, knocking the bubbles off my head and began to move back to her side of the tub, until I grabbed her shoulder.

"You don't have to go back over there," I told her quietly, wiping a hand over my mouth to rid the bubbles.

She nodded and said nothing and smiled and moved her body so she was leaning against my chest and, fuck, maybe she_ should_ move back to her side of the tub.

"What are you over thinking now?" she whispered, gauging my expression. Her breaths were labored and her fingers tangled with the back of my hair and I knew she could feel me growing against her stomach.

"Just. Fuck," I groaned, dropping my head against the back of the tub, fully knowing I needed to tell her. Now.

Because, fuck, if I was going to do anything with her without her knowing everything. I wasn't that big of an asshole and, yeah, I liked her. And since I definitely fucking liked the way her body felt against mine, I knew it had to be now.

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><p><strong>AN: And this is when I hide.**

**(I'm still hiding, but I wanted to thank Livie79 for prereading & Mshavisham79 for letting me tell her shit.)**


	23. 4:17 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p><strong>4:17 a.m<strong>

"Are you about to puke or something?"

"No," I replied and opened my eyes, staring at the bathroom ceiling.

"You look kind of sick." Bella poked my cheek and, for some reason, it made me smile.

"Maybe it's the fluorescent lighting," I answered lamely.

"What was with all the groaning?" she asked, sounding alert and partially amused. My only reply was to finally lift my head to meet her eyes. "Hey," she whispered, a little too close to my mouth and-

"I have to tell you something," I blurted out louder than necessary, causing her to flinch.

"Can it wait?" She pushed herself closer, skin on skin, forcing me to move my hand further down her back. She stared at me through her lashes and-

"No. It can't," I managed to say in a strained voice. "It can't wait."

Her gaze lingered, fingers tangled in my hair again, eliciting another groan from me. And then her lips were on my neck and her soft breasts were still pressed against my skin and she was making it so hard, pun intended because I had to keep my sanity somehow and puns seemed like the way to go. Then, suddenly, I found a minuscule amount of strength and I was pushing her away like a seventeen year old virgin who enjoyed wearing a peacoat.

"Does this have to do with the premature ejaculation thing?" she asked bluntly, and I laughed humorlessly, wishing I could prove her wrong, so wrong.

Instead, I gave her a look. "No."

"Girlfriend?"

I gave her a look that said_ are you kidding me?_. "No, Bella."

"Serial killer," she stated, yet kept her body against mine, the skin of a maybe killer.

I gave her a look that said _are you _fucking_ kidding me?_. "Come on. No, just-"

"Rapist?"

"Not to completely freak you the hell out, but I'm pretty sure I would've raped you by now, don't you think?"

And, I swear to God, I couldn't have said anything more creepy. But that didn't seem to deter her because she cracked a smile and opened her mouth to speak as I cut her off.

"I'm the dorky blogger who writes for Gorilla vs. Bear," I blurted out, wanting to look away from her eyes, but not letting myself. "I know that sounds crazy, but it's fucking true. And maybe I should've told you earlier, but you were being cute and quirky and distracted me. I also didn't want to completely freak you the fuck out. And now you're naked and I really do like you, even though your friend puked on my shoes. And despite the fact that I'm rambling and have never talked this fast before in my life, I am not drunk nor making this up," I affirmed, using one breath.

Bella blinked, pulled her fingers from my hair, and moved from her position against my chest to sit up, but keeping her spot between my legs. She eyed me for a long second, most likely replaying my rambling admittance.

"You should also know that I've never made a pouty face for the camera, never had an ugly goatee and, despite what Ben says, I do brush my teeth every day." I paused. "Most days. And...I seriously am sorry for hitting you in the face with the water bottle. That wasn't cool."

"Yeah, that really...wasn't cool," she agreed in a tone I couldn't quite figure out. "But it's okay. I have a really hard head and I don't bruise easily."

"That's good," I nodded furiously, "because anemia is really awful. My cousin is anemic and, funny story, her boss once called her into his office because he thought her husband was beating her, and-"

"Edward. Shut up."

I swallowed and looked away. "Yeah. Thank you."

"So." Bella fidgeted and looked down until, I'm guessing, she realized she was staring at my bare chest. Well, my chest was bare yet covered in hair, and I was fucking thinking in rhymes because she still hadn't looked up at me.

"So..." I trailed off, pushing bubbles off her shoulder to focus on something. And then I had a brilliant idea to crack a joke, because this couldn't have been awkward enough. "I didn't tell you about this earlier because, after the soul mate thing, I didn't want you to get all crazy-eyed fan on me."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You didn't want me to bug you for an autograph, right? I bet you get that all the time," she deadpanned, and I'm pretty sure her cheeks weren't flushed because of the warm water.

"_All_ the time," I emphasized with a small smile. "I just want to live my life in peace, you know?"

"I'm over this joke. Let's go back to the part where you claim you're the blogger and didn't tell me until now."

"Good idea," I agreed easily. "To be honest, I find it hard to believe that you didn't have any idea it was me."

She scoffed and may have glared, just a little. "I knew _something_ was up. You were quoting him-"

"I was quoting myself," I interrupted.

"...and for a second there I was going to call your ass out, claiming plagiarism."

"I was quoting myself in hopes that you'd catch on," I cut her off again. "Since Kate said you have a file of my-"

"I know what Kate said." She sighed. "What you quoted sounded familiar, but then I had a sneaking suspicion that maybe you were a fan of the blogger as well."

"Not 'the blogger'," I said seriously, trying to get her to understand and accept what I was saying. "Me. I read me." I made a face because my eloquence had been knocked down a notch or two.

"What? Is that grammatically correct?" she questioned, half smiling. "That just sounds weird."

I sighed and tried not to laugh because, even when we were both agitated and naked, now sitting in lukewarm water, I still, somehow, found her unbearably cute.

"Don't hate on my grammar," I chastised, pulling my knees up a little to lock her in place. Because now that she knew the truth, she wasn't going anywhere. Although, I would never admit that out loud because I had a feeling the serial killer thought was still in the back of her mind.

"This is just...I don't know..." she trailed off and bit her thumb nail before glancing at me.

"Is that...are you side eying me?" I accused, pointing at her face. "You're giving me side eye! Do you really not believe me?"

"Coincidences like this don't happen outside of Zac Efron fan fiction," she explained in a very factual tone. "They just don't."

And then I was shaking with laughter. Her side eye never faltered, until my laughter mixed with her laughter, and we were both probably losing our minds. Because maybe she was right. Maybe coincidences like this don't happen outside of fan fiction. But, for some reason, it did happen. I wouldn't go so far as to call it fate, but that's what it kind of felt like. That's what this entire night felt like. And then Bella opened her mouth and the moment was gone.

"How do I know you're not just fucking with me to get into my pants?"

"Spoiler alert: your pants are already on the floor," I joked, receiving a nice splash of water to the face. "I deserved that," I mumbled, rubbing a hand over my eyes.

"Yes. You did," she agreed, but her gaze was soft and I had to fight my urge to kiss her.

"Okay. Look," I said, dropping my voice, placing both hands on either side of her face and trying to ignore the fact that I could see her breasts. "I should have told you earlier, back in the diner when half your face was covered in syrup. But I didn't because, I don't know, I was having fun with you. And maybe I'm not so great with my words."

"Words are your job. They're your life," she said softly, and I realized that maybe she did believe me after all.

"They kind of are," I agreed, rubbing my thumb over her cheek.

"So. Anthony Masen, is it?"

"Anthony is my middle name and Masen is my mother's maiden name."

"Ah. Neat. Strong...name."

"Hey. Don't get awkward on me now," I whispered, keeping our eyes locked. "At least wait until we're clothed," I teased.

"Me? Awkward? Never," she snorted. "So, you're the soul mate," she mused with the tiniest smirk. "Honestly, I thought you'd be taller."

"Really? I'm actually really tall..."

"And maybe a tad more pretentious? Anthony's writing is a little pretentious, in a good way, but you're actually kind of down to earth."

"Thank...you?" I asked, confused at how to answer that.

It was quiet for half a second before she blurted out, "This bubble bath didn't turn out how I expected."

"I know. It doesn't smell at all like strawberries," I said with feigned disgust, full knowing that's not what she meant.

She rolled her eyes, then chuckled, letting herself lean against me again. "Hi," she mumbled, resting her chin on my chest, looking up at me.

"Hey," I replied in a low voice, staring at the freckles that covered her nose.

Silence took over as we stared at one another.

"I just wanted you to know that, even if I weren't the blogger you were pining for, you can't deny there's something between us..." I trailed off and hoped this feeling wasn't just fueled by our excessive consumption of alcohol.

She was quiet and breathing erratically before blurting out, "Did you just say 'pining'?"

"I did," I said with a stiff nod. "I've never actually had a chance to use that word before and I jumped at the opportunity."

"Well, I'm glad I could help you out. There are tons of people out there every day who never get to use that word. But you were able to and-"

"Bella. Shut up." I smiled down at her and grabbed the back of her neck.

She cleared her throat and mumbled, "Thanks. That could've really gotten out of hand."

"I'm glad I could help you out," I teased, repeating her words.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks to everyone who reads, tweets, & recs this story with their pretty faces. I truly appreciate it. Next chapter will be posted tomorrow.  
><strong>

**Livie79 preread (& she updated A Beautiful Mess!)  
><strong>


	24. 4:30 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>4:30 a.m.<strong>

"You wanna tie the knot, or what?" Bella asked jokingly with her chin still on my chest, letting her lips touch my skin as she spoke.

"Well, we have been joking about that all night. I'm kind of partial to the idea now," I admitted, moving my hand from her neck slowly down her back.

"So, you're a romantic?"

"Definitely. I mean, is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice?" I asked, trying my hardest to sound sincere. "Who cares, baby? I think I want to marry you."

Bella pulled back and surveyed me for a second. "You did _not_ just quote Bruno Mars in the nude!"

"I think I just did. What's wrong with that?"

"Quoting Bruno Mars while clothed is bad enough," she accused, making a very good point.

"So, wait a second," I interrupted to call her ass out. "Are we going comment on the fact you knew I was quoting Bruno Mars?"

"Nope," she replied emphatically. "We can overlook that."

"Fine," I agreed, "but only because I want to get to the good stuff. Like, what's your last name?"

This seemed to make her laugh and I smiled, momentarily dazed at the lines that formed around her eyes and mouth. "Swan. Yo."

"Cullen. Sup?"

She made a face and ungracefully recovered. "Cullen?"

"What's wrong with my last name?" I questioned, mildly offended.

"Nothing. I've just never actually met anyone with the last name Cullen before. I don't know how it will sound with my name."

"You can hyphenate," I suggested with a feigned dramatic sigh. "We better at least agree on the cake."

"Can we stop talking now and touch each other?" she asked and, yes, best fucking idea ever.

"We'll go, go, go, go, go. If you're ready like I'm ready," I said, ducking my head to meet her lips, only to have her pull away.

"How you can quote that song and still be hard, I'll never understand," she muttered and finally kissed me.

"Fuck. I know. But now that song is stuck in my head," I groaned in annoyance, kissing her back. "But apparently your breasts affect me more than anything I'm saying right now. So, that's good."

"My breasts get you harder than Bruno Mars lyrics?" She looked down then smirked up at me. "I'll take it."

I rolled my eyes as both of her arms wrapped around my neck, and I slid my hands down, digging my thumbs into her hips.

"C'mere," I breathed, sitting upright so her knees could rest on either side of my waist. The water was lukewarm and the bubbles had mostly disintegrated, save for a few random piles that had survived, but hell if I was going to be the one who suggested we get out of this position.

"'So, I'm gonna need you to quote your blog," she explained with an infectious grin. "That's the only way I'll be able to get off."

"That's fine, yeah, I can work with that," I droned on, trying to ignore how fucking good she felt as she rubbed herself against me. "That's my big move, anyway. I quote myself while I-"

"You probably shouldn't finish that joke, and we should probably seal the deal," she insisted, kissing along my jaw and neck.

"If I'm not allowed to mention He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Quoted-Whilst-Naked, you're not allowed to say 'seal the deal'. Capiche?"

She didn't react for a moment and pulled away from my neck to stare up at me. "It's so fucking weird that I just swooned over you saying 'capiche'."

"I just made you swoon?" I asked, smiling, and she nodded furiously. "I'll take it."

We breathed out at the same time, and I smiled as she moaned from my scruff working its way across her chest.

Then I heard music playing in the other room.

"Ignore, ignore, ignore," she chanted, closing her eyes.

"What is that? Your phone?"

"Yes."

And then the phone began ringing again.

"Do you-" I dug my nails into her back, "need to answer that?"

"No," she panted. "That's Emmett's ring tone. He's probably just calling to make sure I'm still alive."

"Shit." I sighed and pulled my face away from her breasts. "You need to go answer it."

"Uh. Screw that. I'm not leaving this tub until your key is in my ignition," she muttered, placing her lips on my Adam's apple.

"C'mon. The water is getting cold anyway and, honestly, I saw the size of his biceps. I'm not risking my own death because you want a little bump n' grind. What if he thinks I've hacked you up into little pieces and distributed said pieces into different dumpsters around town?"

Bella stilled, pulled back and eyed me suspiciously. "Surprisingly, I still want to have sex with you despite that very detailed 'what if'."

"God," I groaned and pushed her away. "Go, now, answer that damn phone," I demanded, dropping my head against the back of the tub as she stepped out in a hurry.

"Fuck, it's cold," she screeched.

And then I heard the sound of her wet body making contact with the tiled floor.

I immediately sat up, peeking over the edge of the tub and tried to contain my laughter.

"Shit." She cried out and lifted her head.

I stepped out of the tub, careful not to slip in the water that was created from our splashing. Reaching down, I helped her up and grabbed both of the robes from the counter.

"Are you okay?" I asked lowly, wrapping the robe around her before covering myself.

"My ass hurts," she confessed with a soft laugh.

"Well, even if you didn't slip on the floor, your ass would be hurting at some point tonight," I joked as she blinked. "Anal. I was joking about anal, but...you just hit your head, so maybe I shouldn't make jokes."

"Yeah, I got it, thanks."

Her phone began ringing for a third time and I grabbed her elbow as we exited the bathroom to make sure she didn't slip again.

"Hi, Emmett. Yes, I'm still with Puke Shoes." She paused as I chuckled, throwing myself on the bed face first. "He hasn't done anything incriminating yet. Except quote Bruno Mars lyrics, but he has a big dick, so I'll probably forgive him. Yep, thanks. Bye."

It was quiet and I laid still on the bed, feeling the mattress dip as Bella maneuvered to lie on my back.

"Hi. Wake up," she whispered and I felt the warmth of her naked body through the robe.

"Woman, I just clothed you," I muttered into the pillow. "You're naked again?"

"I am."

"Rolling over now," I warned and she moved to the side before we faced one another.

I gazed at her body, not soaked in bubbles or dripping with water or covered with clothes, but just her and I fucking died a little. She wasn't perfect, but she was so confident that she was flawless, gorgeous, despite seconds ago she was busting her ass on the bathroom floor. Her chest was heaving as I licked my lips and watched her expression switch from nervous to certain in a matter of seconds.

She stared at my lips through her lashes, wearing a smile and nothing else. She sat up and I watched, never taking my eyes off her. Tucking her feet underneath her, she pulled at the robe I was wearing, letting me know she wanted it off. I complied and sat up, tossing the damn robe to the floor.

"Get over here." I fucking growled and she frantically straddled my lap, covering my mouth with hers. I leaned my back against the headboard and focused on how fucking good she looked straddling me, and thought of how good she'd feel under me. I grabbed the back of her hair and nipped at her neck and breathed her in as she moaned, grinding herself against my dick.

And I swear to God I could've come right then and there, but fuck if I wasn't going to prove to her that there was nothing premature about this ejaculator.

"Must. leave. bed. now. while I still have the strength," I hissed out.

"Wha-" She pulled back and stared, covered with beard burn and disappointment.

"There's something I need to grab real quick," I explained, kissing her and then laughing when she tried to deepen the kiss. "Seriously, don't move," I said as she moved off of me, allowing me to swing my legs around the bed. I ran across the room and into the bathroom to grab my jeans.

And then I busted my ass on the bathroom floor.

"Fuck," I hissed as I landed on my side.

"Are you okay?" I heard Bella call out, and I opted against answering because I'm pretty sure anything I said would've made me sound like a pussy.

I laid there for a second, then pulled myself off the floor to dig through my jeans. I angrily snatched the condom from my wallet and grabbed a towel to wipe the water from my body. Bella quietly watched as I turned off each lamp in the room before crawling onto the bed with a sigh.

"Go ahead, you can laugh," I said in defeat as Bella immediately shook with laughter.

"It hurts, right?" she asked in a sympathetic tone, running her hand through my hair. "But your ass would've hurt anyway, right?" she teased, stealing my words from earlier.

"Ha, ha. Despite what you may have heard, I'm not into that," I groaned and wrapped my arm around her, closing my eyes.

"We kind of suck at this, huh?" she whispered before pulling the blanket over us.

"I blame you," I insisted. "My game is always so on, and then you came along..."

"Oh, shut up! I don't believe that for one second."

"I was going to say you came along and I realized I didn't need game because...you were already mine? I didn't need game to get you?"

She snickered. "Nice save."

"I thought so," I agreed with a yawn. Now that I was in a bed, under a blanket with the lights off, I was drowsy and lazy and liked the way Bella felt tucked under my arm.

"It's a good thing we're not ever going to have sex." She yawned this time before adding, "I'm into some really freaky shit. I might just scare you away."

"Freaky shit, huh?"

"Yeah. Have you ever heard of a position called 'missionary'? Not many people have tried it. It's insane."

"Do you also kiss on the lips while doing this so-called missionary position?"

"Yes, I do." I felt her nod against my chest. "I told you. Freaky shit."

"I like you, weirdo," I mumbled, rubbing my hand down her arm. "Now go to sleep."

"I'm waiting for you to fall asleep first. I don't want you to watch me sleep."

"Fine. Goodnight."

Not even ten minutes later, I poked her because my arm was fucking asleep. And apparently so was she, because she didn't move nor crack a joke. I moved my arm from under her, causing her to stir and roll over on her side, facing away from me.

I laid there for a second, staring at the ceiling before I molded my front against her back, resting my arm over her hip and placing my hand on her stomach. She stirred again and slightly pushed her back against my chest, a drowsy attempt at getting closer. I lazily smiled and flexed my arms, squeezing her body to mine before relaxing back into the pillows and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know, I'm a cockblock. Looks like we've got ourselves a few h00rs in the Fandom. Surprise, surprise. Penetration will take place in the next chapter and, no, I don't regret using that word. Thanks for reading.  
><strong>


	25. 5:56 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>5:56 a.m.<strong>

I startled awake with a slight jump, taking a second to get my bearings and figure out why the fuck I was dreaming about R Kelly pissing on Bruno Mars.

I groaned, really wanting to get up to grab some water, but not really wanting to move because it seemed Bella liked to take advantage of people in their sleep. Her head was nuzzled against my neck, arm was resting a little below my waist, and legs tangled with mine. I found her sleeping position all too amusing, and maybe a little bit of a turn on.

I pushed some of her hair away that was covering my face until I realized it was a feeble attempt. Her hair wasn't going anywhere, and the way her body was wrapped around mine, neither was she. I inhaled and was immediately assaulted with some sort of cinnamon scent. Chlorine would make sense, or even strawberry from the bubble bath. But cinnamon?

All too suddenly, I wanted to know how, and why, her hair smelled like cinnamon. I wanted to know what she looked like in the morning before she got ready for the day, and, as creepy as it was, I wanted to know what she looked like while she was knitting.

Then she let out a soft sigh and I immediately wanted to know what she looked like underneath my body. And I might have been dreaming when I thought she whispered my name, but maybe she was dreaming, too. That thought alone was enough to put me back to sleep.

**6:43 a.m.**

I didn't know the hour when I woke up for the second time, and I didn't really care.

All I knew was it was freezing in the room, I was still thirsty, and Bella snored. I found the latter pretty amusing and hoped I'd remember to make fun of her about it later when we were both awake and pumped with copious amounts of caffeine.

**6:58** **a.m.  
><strong>

Bella groaned softly, causing me to wake as she slowly sat up. I kept my eyes closed and felt the mattress move when she left the bed. The curtains were still closed, so the room was still dark, and I listened to her quiet movements before seeing the soft glow of the bathroom light, even behind closed eyes. A few minutes later, I heard her trip over something and curse softly on her way back to the bed, causing me to drowsily smile.

"Do you want some water?" she whispered.

I peeked at her through one eye and grabbed the water bottle she must've retrieved from the bathroom.

"Thanks," I mumbled as some water trickled down my chin and onto my chest.

She set the bottle on the table next to the bed and laid back down, shivering her way over to the warmth of my body.

"Cold?" I asked in gravelly voice, wrapping my arms around her, along with the blanket. "What's this?" I asked, feeling material covering her lower half as I ran my hand over her hip. "Are you wearing my boxers?" I asked, because that was kind of fucking hot.

"Yes. You know I love me some holey batman," she admitted with a yawn. "More sleep."

"More sleep? We should get back to the sex," I mumbled in strained voice against her neck. Even though my eyes were closed, I could feel her cheek against mine and I knew she was smiling. "Because the first time was so awesome."

"You blew my mind," she murmured, turning her body to face mine. Her arm slipped between my elbow and waist, her hand lightly trailing over my back.

"You blew my-" Before I could crack a joke, her lips were suddenly over my mouth to shut me up.

"You're a snuggler," she teased once we pulled away.

"I'd rather be a snuggler than a snorer," I countered, breathing deep as she kissed my jaw and neck before stopping, leaving her lips in place.

It was quiet before I heard her utter, "If we wake up, and you wanna break up that's cool..."

"No! I refuse to let you do this to yourself. It's bad enough you had to watch me go through it," I pleaded, lazily shaking her before pulling her against me. "Don't quote Bruno Mars. Don't."

She let out a sigh and I closed my eyes again.

"You started it."

**7:36 a.m.**

"Hey," I mumbled, turning my head slightly, letting my lips brush against some part of her head.

"Hi," she breathed.

We were still for a moment and I thought seriously about falling back asleep, until I felt her lips on my neck. I let my hand slide down her hip and over her holey-Batman-covered ass.

"Hey," I said again, growing hard as she let out a small moan.

"Hi," she repeated, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

We didn't move, didn't speak, didn't breathe.

And then something took over.

I tugged at the boxers she was wearing, slowly slipping them down her hips and over her ass until they were halfway down her thighs. My hands were slightly shaking and I know I heard her laugh softly, so I ignored her with a kiss. I ignored her by letting my mouth cover the spot just beneath her ear, just above her collarbone.

My nerves weren't from anxiety, not really. They were fueled by something other than over thinking if we should do this or not. They were present because I was starting to wonder how long I would _really_ last. It was when Bella's hand slipped between us and wrapped around my dick that I had my answer: not fucking long. At all.

The past ten hours with her had been foreplay. Those tiny boy shorts that barely covered her ass as we made out in the pool; the way her naked body felt against mine in the tub; the moan that escaped as she licked my jaw.

Bella said my name quietly and my attention snapped back to what I had been doing before I focused on how good her hand felt. My mouth was on her shoulder, not kissing, just lingering, before I sat up to pull away. I had to fucking pull away because it was all too much.

The mattress dipped as I moved to my knees, slipping the boxers down as far and as slow as I could before she became impatient and kicked them off herself. I laughed and thought back to her persistence of wanting to be out of her clothes every chance she was presented with.

My smile was wide as I stared down at her, watching the way her chest heaved, the way her hips slightly lifted from the mattress, and, fuck, the way she was watching me watch her. There was lust, of course there was lust, but also something else that hooded her eyes. It was something that let me know that this was going to be the first time, but definitely not the last. There's definitely no way this would be the last time. I knew my expression mirrored hers because you don't look at someone like that when it's purely physical. You just don't.

I realized my grin had faded and I was just sitting there on my knees, staring at her. I swallowed and tried to refrain from running my hand through my hair because it was a nervous habit, and I _wasn't_ nervous.

Hesitantly, I leaned forward and placed a kiss on her thigh before looking up at her. She stared down at me then closed her eyes as I placed a second kiss on her body, each time higher than the last. I stopped when I reached her hipbone because she laughed when my hair brushed against her stomach. In turn, I laughed because she sounded so cute. I'd never thought anything like that before when in this position with a female and it struck me as odd while somehow making complete sense. She was cute even when she was being sexy, and that was something I could never comprehend. Until now.

I blew warm air on her stomach and she groaned, letting me know exactly what I was doing to her. And maybe I was teasing her, but she'd been teasing me all night, and I knew if I didn't pace myself that this would be over before I wanted it to be.

I let my lips linger on her stomach for longer than necessary before her fingers tangled in my hair, pulling my face up to meet hers. I finally hovered over her body, forearms on either side keeping my weight off her. I didn't lower myself down, even though I knew that's what she wanted. She was squirming and pouting, and I knew she wanted to feel my body on hers. And then I gave in because there's no way I could keep anything from her.

Bella pushed the hair away from my forehead and I searched her eyes for hesitance before this happened. I wanted her to be as certain as I was.

We couldn't be friends after this. We couldn't casually go out for drinks. We couldn't go catch a fucking matinee because I knew after this, I'd want everything. I'd want everything because I was selfish and I wanted to be the only one to make her snort beer out of her nose.

So, I kissed her and searched her eyes one last time. Then she slowly nodded and I knew what she was saying, what words couldn't convey. Her nod meant that she didn't want to be my friend, either. She didn't care for casual drinks before six p.m., and she never, ever caught a matinee.

I inhaled then exhaled, breathing on her neck. And maybe I _was_ nervous after all.

She whispered my name along with '_hey_' and '_I want you_' and '_now_'.

It was all I needed to hear and more.

I ungracefully rolled off to the side with an _oomph_ before snaking my hand over her waist, pulling her against me. My fingers dug into her skin before I let them travel across her body, down her body, finding the place they needed, wanted to be.

When I found the spot, she gasped. And when I found _the_ spot, she didn't gasp nor breathe.

Her fingernails dug into my shoulder, but I didn't care, I couldn't care. I wanted to make her feel good and I wanted to make her laugh and I wanted to make her smile. But I'd start with making her feel good.

I watched her face when I did _this_, and I watched her face when I did_ that_, trying to figure out what she liked and what she didn't like. She only peeked at me once the entire time, then placed her lips on mine in an attempt to let me know that she really,_ really_ liked when I did _that_.

My name started rolling off her lips, and that's when I knew she was close. So I added another finger. Then she grabbed the back of my neck. So I became a little more frantic when I rubbed her clit. Then she writhed against the bed. I watched in fascination as she moaned in sync with my fingers, losing and gaining her breath in a matter of seconds.

She laid there as I licked my lips, wondering how long it'd take for her to catch her breath until I could touch her again.

It wasn't long, because suddenly Bella ran her hand down my chest and grabbed my dick, stroking it a few times as she kissed my neck. I wanted to tell her to stop because, really, watching her get off was enough for me to come right there. But I couldn't speak and I couldn't tell her no.

Instead, I smiled when she let out a small giggle as I grabbed her hips and pulled her on top of me. I tightened my jaw in concentration as she tightened her thighs around my waist to reach over to grab what we needed from the bedside table.

I silently groaned and had to close my eyes as she rolled it on for me. I silently groaned and kept my eyes closed as she rubbed my head against herself. I silently groaned and opened my eyes as she slowly slid down.

And then everything stopped.

Bella leaned forward, letting her chest hit mine. It was silent, too fucking silent, and she planted small kisses along my chest. Then she moved up and down and up again, and I forgot everything_ again_.

I'd be lame if I said she was the best, and I'd be lame if I said she wasn't, but it'd never felt this right and she was all I could think of, all I wanted to think about.

I bucked my hips against hers, finally realizing that I had a part to play and I could play it well. She sat up. I grabbed both her hips, rocking us against each other, together. When she started saying my name again, I knew needed to slow down. It was too much, too soon, too good.

I was about to call her 'baby', which was cheap, but it was all I could think of until I suddenly breathed out '_Bell_'. She smiled and I reached up, grabbing her breasts and watching how the roughness of my touch made her move faster.

I grabbed her hips and slowed her to a complete stop. She caught her breath and I pushed the hair out of her face, letting my hand linger on her cheek. Her hips began moving again, ever so slowly, and I stopped her, again, ever so quickly.

Lifting my hips so she'd fall to the side, I rolled on top of her, keeping myself in the entire time. She seemed to like this move as she whispered 'good job' and I laughed against her lips, because no one had ever complimented me with a 'good job' before. It was like she was giving me a sticker with a smiley face and it was funny.

When my laughter died down and turned breathless, I pushed, pushed into her and closed my eyes because, fuck. I couldn't hold back, and maybe she didn't want me to because she lifted her knees so I'd push deeper. Her fingers trailed down my back and I opened my eyes, watching her watch me. I thrust twice more before I dropped my head against her shoulder, breathing out as I cursed lowly, losing control of all my senses.

"I don't want to be your friend," I admitted, still lying on top of her as I caught my breath and found my voice.

Bella kissed me and nodded. "At least we agree on something."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** **Thanks for patiently waiting and reading.  
><strong>

**"Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,  
>when I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well."<strong>


	26. 8:38 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>8:38 a.m.<strong>

I was sprawled out on the king-sized mattress, lying face down when I heard Bella walk out of the bathroom. She let out a small yelp as she jumped on the bed before crawling on me, straddling my bare ass. She rubbed my shoulders and I groaned at the pressure of her cold hands.

"You're wearing clothes," I muttered sadly into the pillow.

"I am."

"I don't approve."

"I didn't think you would."

I slightly lifted my head to look over my shoulder, glancing at her from my peripheral. "You're wearing my shirt, too?"

"I am."

I dropped my head and smiled against the pillow because there was no way I could explain how good it felt knowing she was wearing my clothes. But still, "That's not fair. You need to at least give up the boxers," I demanded.

"As if you'll ever get these back," she laughed.

I patted the side of her thigh to let her know I was rolling over on my back. She stood then resumed her straddling position once I was comfortable. And there was no way I could explain how good it felt _seeing_ her wearing my clothes.

But still, "C'mon. Give 'em up. I need something to wear."

"I don't know," she began to say, wiggling around on my hips, smiling when she felt me growing hard. "What's in it for me if you're clothed?"

"What's in it for _me_ if _you're_ clothed?" I asked with a loud chuckle.

She leaned down so we were chest to chest and kissed my chin, then my lips. She was trying to distract me from the boxers conversation, that much was obvious. Her sly smile let me know I'd have to retrieve them myself. I moaned as her hips slightly rolled against mine and I really fucking wished there was no clothing between us. I grabbed the back of her neck, trying to deepen the kiss before she spoke.

"Remember the time when you wouldn't kiss me?" she asked with her lips still touching mine.

"Remember the time when I didn't want to kiss you in front of a bunch of drunk strangers?"

She sighed and pecked me once more. "Fine. That was nice. You're kind of cute."

I gasped. "_Kind of_?"

"I don't want you to get a big head," she chided, covering my mouth with her hand.

"Too late for that," I quipped, tightening my grip so she couldn't pull away.

I turned my torso and rolled to the side, causing her to lie next to me. It was all too familiar as she laid on her back, waiting for me to hover over her body. My focus was locked on her eyes, lips, breasts while I grabbed the elastic of the boxers and slipped them off. I laid beside her and lifted the shirt to peek, kissing her stomach. I stared at the goosebumps that immediately covered her body as she laughed from my rough beard on her soft skin.

I knew right then I'd never want to spend my time doing anything other than making her laugh. Now that I knew her, this had to be an _always_ kind of thing. I was pretty sure she felt the same way.

"You know what's funny?" I mumbled against her stomach, noting how it made her tense then relax.

"Hm. That you quoted Kelly Clarkson and I still wanted to sleep with you?"

I frowned. "If I remember correctly, _you_ quoted Kelly Clarkson and _I_ merely brought it to your attention."

"Which is something I'll bring up and make you regret every day of your life," she promised. I placed my lips on her hip with a playful scowl, reveling at the way her body shook with laughter. "I was fine living my life unaware I was quoting Kelly Clarkson, and then _you _came along..." she trailed off with a lingering gaze.

"It's not like I _enjoy_ listening to Kelly and Bruno. I'm just aware of them and can quote their shit, that's all."

"Kelly and Bruno? Now you're on a first name basis?" she scoffed, shaking her head.

I pulled myself up and let my teeth scraped against the skin just below her breast. "You quoted Bruno Mars earlier, all on your own," I added with a satisfied grin.

"Whatever! I wasn't quoting Bruno Mars. I was quoting the cast of Glee covering a Bruno Mars song," she confessed without looking the least bit mortified.

"You know I'm going to make you regret admitting you watch Glee," I pointed out, squeezing her thigh just above her knee, causing her to squirm to the opposite side of the bed just out of my reach.

"Yeah, but I made sure to admit it _after_ I already knew you were hooked," she explained, rolling over on her stomach and resting on her elbows.

"How do you know I'm hooked?" I asked playfully, keeping the distance she'd created. She thought for a moment and I focused on how fucking sexy she was even while wearing one of my old, faded shirts.

"Because you're dying to roll your hot self over here and attack me," she stated. And yes, maybe she was right. I was hooked, but that much was obvious.

I narrowed my eyes at her lame attempt at distancing herself before I sat up on my knees and went after her. She shrieked when I grabbed her waist and she laughed when I pulled her to the middle of the bed and she sighed when I held her against me.

I slowly smiled because this felt so good and so easy and so unlike anything else. My warm breath hit the back of her neck the same time my hand ran down her hip, loving the way her ass felt against me.

"You're a great spooner," she conceded.

"You're a great," I replied softly, kissing the back of her neck, "distraction."

"That's not a bad thing. What were you going to say a minute ago?" she asked with a shaky breath. "You asked if I knew what was funny."

My chin rested over her shoulder as I deliberately lowered my voice. "It's funny that I told you I didn't want to be your friend."

"That's not funny," she whispered.

"It's funny because I said that as if being your friend was an option. I'm sure anyone else would've taken offense to that statement."

"It's a good thing I'm not just anyone," she said seriously.

"It's a great thing," I corrected her.

"I mean, if it weren't for me, who else would put up with your odd love for R Kelly?"

A grin spread across my face, but not before I rolled my eyes. "Right. And who would tolerate that awful English accent?"

"Don't hate on the accent. The accent got us this room."

"I thought it was the side boob?" I asked with a cheeky smirk, reaching around and grabbing her breast.

She squirmed and slightly pushed back against me. "Together, the accent and the side boob are an unstoppable force."

I pushed back against her, loving the way she quietly hummed; loving how her body reacted to my touch.

"Hey," I breathed out, hoping she needed this as much as I did.

She slightly opened her thighs and I reached between us, moving even closer to her body. I inhaled a shaky breath as I slowly slid into her, then hissed as I slowly pulled out. There was no medium; it was either too good or not enough. I slid back in and stayed still, afraid to move, before she hooked her calf around mine.

I looked between us, the way her back arched and the way her hips rolled against me, every movement feeling better than the last. I gripped her hip with a groan, closing my eyes and then opening them because it was too good to not watch. I kissed her shoulder as she lifted her arm, feeling her nails gliding over my neck.

"If you keep moving like that," I hissed, "I'm not going to last long."

She grabbed my hand and placed it where she needed it; where I fucking wanted it. It was her way of saying she'd forgive me for not lasting too long because she wouldn't last long either. It was her way of saying she was hooked, too.

I whispered in a strained voice that I wanted her, catching myself off guard when I almost ended the sentence with 'always'. Who the hell makes declarations like that to a person they've only known for ten hours? I tried clearing my head so I wouldn't say anything that would make me sound silly, but all I could think of was her. And maybe I'd never be able to change that; maybe I'd never want to.

"Edward," she groaned out.

I slowed my movements because, even though this felt fucking fantastic, it didn't beat being able to look at her, to watch her face.

"No," she panted, never stilling her movements, "don't stop." So I didn't. I couldn't.

I frantically thrust against her, placing my lips on the warm skin of her back as I breathed heavily, forgetting everything except her.

"I want you," she breathed out as I rubbed her clit and I knew. I knew she was holding back the 'always' that I held back earlier.

After we caught our breath and pulled apart, we laid next to each other in silence. Her head rested on my shoulder with her hand lazily pushing the hair away from my forehead.

"So..." I trailed off with a lazy smile. "Are you busy?"

"When?"

I glanced at my non-existent watch and I kissed her neck. "Oh. You know. Only for the rest of your life?" I mumbled sheepishly.

"Oh. Hm." She thought for a moment before grinning widely. "What did you have in mind?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**** Hopefully y'all had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I'm sure everyone says that, but I'm being sincere. Everyone else is a LIAR.  
><strong>

**Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, tweeted, and rec'd this silly story! Not only do you guys make me heart happy, but you make me sad to see this story end :')**

**Super thanks to Liv & Jules for pre-reading some of these chapters and for putting up with me in general.  
><strong>

**(I'd say THE END, but I'm writing a fluffy Christmas future shot of these two. Should be posted on Saturday!)**


	27. December 9 8:49 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>December 9<br>8:49 p.m.**

"You're coming with me tomorrow night."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"I'll just embarrass you," she argued, reaching for her glass of wine on the coffee table.

"That's why you need to come with. Comic relief," I teased as she shook her head.

"Busting my ass while attempting to ice skate is not comic relief," she said quickly, "it's pathetic."

"Do you not trust my strength? You know I wouldn't let you bust your ass." I pinched the side of her upper thigh, wiggling my eyebrows.

"I only trust your strength when you don't have _blades_ on the bottom of your boots," she explained with a sigh. "Go ice skating with your coworkers and I'll be here catching up on Parks and Recreation. It's best this way. Less people get hurt."

"That's not true," I scolded, running my lips along her jaw. "I'm hurting."

She cracked a smile and pulled back. "Look. I need to tell you something..." she trailed off, avoiding my eyes. "You might want to end things after I admit this, but it's best that you know."

"Okay?" I mumbled, not the least bit worried at what she was about to say. We had been together for only a month, but nothing she'd said or done had scared me in the least. And that's saying something because she was used to receiving side eye from others on the daily.

"I'm...clumsy," she whispered the word, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm aware," I said, holding out my hand to shake hers.

"Now's not the time to make jokes!"

"Now is the perfect time," I argued, poking her side. "It's going to be boring without you, and if I bring Jasper to any more work events with me, people will start to think I'm gay."

Bella blinked. "Wait. You're _not_ gay?"

"Now's not the time to make jokes," I scoffed as she giggled next to me. "It's not like we actually have to ice skate. If it changes your mind, I heard Anthony Masen is going to be there..."

She jokingly perked up, practically spilling her wine on her shirt. I grabbed the glass from her and set it on the table next to me as she squeaked. "No shit! Is he really?"

"Yes."

"He's a fine motherfucker." She nodded enthusiastically before straddling my lap.

I smirked and rest my head back against my couch. "So I've heard."

"His blog last week about Bon Iver got me all...hot and bothered," she whispered in a low, seductive voice right before she sneezed.

"Yeah? Was it the '_Vernon's voice is an instrument that feels personal and close and warm regardless of setting_' line?"

"That was good, but what really got me was the '_he evokes the mythological echoes of folk along with the grain and expression of soul music_' line."

"Yeah, that was a good line," I agreed, humming against her lips. "I bet the bloggers girlfriend helped him come up with that."

"No. He doesn't need help. He's a genius."

"Stroking his ego?" I quipped, lifting my hips.

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Stroking...something."

"So? You'll go?"

"Fine, fine." She leaned closer to kiss below my ear. "If it'll keep people from thinking you're gay, I'll go with you."

"These days, kindness like that is unheard of."

"The things I do for you." Bella sighed contently as I rubbed my warm hands up and down her back. "The skating rink on the roof of Whole Foods, right?"

"Right. This'll be the first year they rent it out, but it should be fun. Jasper's going to be pissed he's not going since there's an open bar."

"Well, Jasper can pout all he wants. I get to be the beard this year."

**December 10**  
><strong>7:28 p.m.<strong>

I schmoozed with a few of my colleagues while I waited for Bella to show up after her dinner with Emmett. He eventually dropped his claims of me being a serial killer once he realized Bella was safe with me. Although I'm pretty sure I saw him outside of my apartment once, standing on the street corner, but I decided I wouldn't bring that up. Ever. No need to make things awkward.

I ordered two beers from the bartender and stood next to one of the high top tables under the patio heater. And then I saw Bella walk through the doors and my eyes immediately locked with hers. It didn't matter if we spent only an hour apart or two days apart, I'd never not smile when seeing her. And then my smile slowly faltered when I noticed what she was wearing.

"What's with the, uh..." I trailed off, took a swig of my beer and promptly cried with laughter. "Ugly Christmas sweater?"

Bella nodded, glancing around at my coworkers who were not wearing anything close to resembling an ugly Christmas sweater. Before she could explain herself, Irina from the Dallas office walked over with her husband.

"Always good to see you, Edward," Irina said with a friendly smile. "This is my husband, James. You two met at the party last year."

"Hey, man, how's it going?" I greeted him, shaking hands while Irina stared expectantly at Bella.

"This is Bella," I said, still partially caught off guard at what she was wearing. "She's with me. Obviously. Because I'm introducing you to her."

"Hi," Bella replied, holding out her hand. "I'm with him. Obviously."

"Nice to meet you. And, oh my God, hilarious sweater. Such a riot," Irina laughed good-naturedly. "We should have worn the ugly Christmas sweaters your mom gave us last year, Jimmy."

Bella licked her lips and smiled. "Oh. Actually, this isn't my ugly Christmas sweater." She shrugged, looking unaffected, and went on to say, "Reindeer sweaters are actually coming back into style. As are sequins. And," she looked down at her sweater, "hems with tasseled fringe."

Even though I had no idea why she showed up wearing the hideous sweater, I knew she was joking. Of course I knew she was fucking joking. I stared at her calm profile and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from erupting with laughter.

"Oh. It's...not supposed to be a joke," Irina stated, glancing at James. "Actually, I think I did read in a magazine that tasseled fringe is the new thing. It's so funny how certain styles make a comeback."

"I, for one, am super happy about the tasseled fringe," I added, rubbing Bella's side.

"Well, it was nice meeting you and, yes. So. Merry Christmas." Irina smiled, James waved goodbye, and, just like that, they were gone. Utterly confused, no doubt.

"You just convinced someone that tasseled fringe was back in style. Who are you?" I asked in awe.

"Okay, shit. So, I kind of fucking hate Jasper right now!" Bella hissed, grabbing the beer I handed to her.

"How on earth are you going to blame your wardrobe choice on poor, poor Jasper?" I asked in shock, perching myself on one of the stools.

"He stopped by earlier and asked if I could knit some mittens for his dog-"

"What the fuck?" I interrupted as she kept talking.

"And he casually mentioned this was going to be an Ugly Christmas Sweater party!"

I blinked twice, gulped my beer, then died with laughter.

"Bell, you believed that?" I questioned with a wide grin, grabbing her hip and pulling her between my thighs.

"Oh, because that's_ so_ unheard of?"

"Don't you think I would've mentioned if this were an Ugly Christmas Sweater party?"

"I...don't know. Fine. You're right. That's the last time I listen to someone who wants mittens for their dog," she groaned, dropping her head against my chest.

"There shouldn't have been a first time," I pointed out, grabbing the back of her neck. "Why didn't you just admit to Irina and James this was a joke or something?" I asked seriously.

Bella pulled back and sighed. "I didn't want to feel like an idiot."

"Oh. Well, good job. She definitely doesn't think you're an idiot, just someone who has horrible taste in clothes."

"Maybe I didn't think that one through either."

"I don't know if this means anything," I said, dropping my voice, "but if anyone can rock tasseled fringe, it's you."

"That means," she paused, wiping her eye, "_everything_ to me. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I nodded, kissing the side of her head. "Alright, well. Looks like I'm going to have to get super drunk and make a fool of myself to take the attention away from you."

"Yep. Exactly what I was thinking."

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><p><strong>AN: So, hi. There will be two more little Christmas chapters. ****Thanks for reading.  
><strong>


	28. December 13 8:46 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>December 13<strong>

**8:46 a.m.**

I heard my front door open and close, knowing who had walked in before actually knowing who had walked in. My eyes flicked to the framed Polaroid on my desk and I smiled.

"I'm back here," I called out, just in case Bella somehow got lost trying to find me. Moments later, she walked into the small spare bedroom I claimed as my office and set a medium-sized box down on the floor.

"What's in the box?" was the first thing I asked. Because if_ Seven_ taught me anything it's that you always question the contents of a box. Always.

"I brought you something," she said, ignoring my question before disappearing down the hallway. I wearily eyed the box until she walked back into the room and handed me a-

"Fruitcake. Wrapped in saran wrap. You...shouldn't have?"

"Merry Christmas," she replied with an odd, forced smile. "It's your Christmas gift."

"Neat. Thanks. I would've settled for a pair of re-gifted trouser socks, but this works, too."

"Why would I have a pair of trouser socks to re-gift?"

"Why would you have a fruitcake to gift?" I quipped with a pointed stare.

Bella shrugged and my eyes flicked towards the box again.

"You just left an hour ago. Back so soon?" I asked, staring at her concerned face. "Did you miss me or something?" I grinned widely.

"Yeah, funny story. My apartment flooded," she began to say as she walked towards me.

"I need a little more information before I can crack any jokes. Was this flooding in any way your fault?"

"That's understandable, especially after the dishwasher incident," she nodded, "but no. It wasn't my fault. You know the couple who live above me, the ones that planned to have the home water birth?"

"Oh my god," I groaned, dropped my head in my hands then looked back up at her. "The placenta water flooded your apartment?"

"What? No! You're disgusting."

"_I'm_ disgusting? I'm not the one with neighbors who want to have a home water birth."

"Point taken," she agreed, scrunching her face with disgust. "A pipe burst in their apartment which flooded my apartment."

"Damn."

"The worst part is that my poor Uggs fell victim to the flooding." She sighed a little too dramatically for a sentence that dealt with Uggs. I rolled my eyes at her dilemma of wet suede.

"An act of God, I'd say. Those things needed to go."

"Hey! Asshole! Handsome, asshole."

"Well, what? Would you rather me lie and say I love your Uggs, begging for you to wear them everyday, including the times we have sex?"

"Yes. Maybe. No," she grumbled. "Can you at least pretend to like the Uggs? They're going through a really hard time right now. I should have never left them alone. They're going to resent me forever. I can't handle this."

"You're speaking about shoes as if they were a pet or a child..."

"Reel me back in please? I think I drifted away after you mentioned 'placenta water'."

"I should have known better. Come here," I mumbled, reaching out my hand and pulling her into my lap.

"I meant figuratively reel me in, conversation-wise. But this works, too."

"I knew what you meant," I chuckled, resting an arm across her lap. "What's in the box?"

"The only reason why I haven't answered your question yet is because I like seeing you get so worked up over wondering what's in the box."

"That's rude," I scoffed.

"So is speaking ill of my Uggs."

"The Uggs can handle my distaste for them, but my mind cannot handle if there is a head in that box."

She was quiet for a beat too long. "Is it probable that there's a head in the box?"

"It's possible," I nodded furiously, trying not to laugh.

"That box is entirely too large for a head. That'd be wasted space."

I kept my eyes on the box as I uttered, "Maybe there are two heads in there. I don't know."

"You think I'd be capable of beheading not one, but _two_ people?"

"Once you behead one person, I'm pretty sure you'd get the hang of it and have no problem with a second beheadment."

"But I wouldn't even know where to start with beheadding a person," she mumbled, as if not knowing how to do such a thing made her anything less than perfect in my eyes. I opened my mouth to speak and she cut me off with, "And if you proceed to tell me the most effective way to behead someone, I might have to think twice about crashing with you until after Christmas."

"Fine. I'll shut up." I paused and replayed her words. "Wait, what?"

"So, I have to move out of my place for a bit while they fix the damage that was done from the flood."

I tried not smirking. "And you want to stay here with me?"

"Hey, look. Fruitcake," Bella randomly pointed out, grabbed the cake and pushed it against my cheek.

"Wait a second..." I trailed off, pulling away from the fruitcake. "I know what that is! The fruitcake is not a Christmas gift."

She dropped her hand from my cheek and stared in confusion. "It's not?"

"Nope. It's a bribe!"

"Ha. No." She laughed all high-pitched and squeaky. "That's silly. That's just." She stopped again to laugh. "That's, no. Who bribes with fruitcake?" I tilted my head and gave her a look that said she was busted. "Okay, fine! I do! I bribe with fruitcake!"

"I knew it."

"I'm ashamed. I shouldn't have used the fruitcake like that. He deserves better."

"I would've gone with a female fruitcake rather than male, but whatever."

"I'm the briber, I can deem the fruitcake whatever sex I'd like."

"Why did you feel the need to bribe me so you can crash here? You know me better than to think I wouldn't allow you to stay unless you provided me with awful Christmas dessert."

"You see right through me. I was going to build a Gingerbread house, but there are only so many things one can do when the apartment floor is flooded with non-placenta water."

"Yet you had time to bake a fruitcake, allow it to cool, and cover it with saran wrap," I pointed out, eying her.

Bella looked down before blurting out, "I re-gifted the fruitcake."

"Who the hell gave you a fruitcake?"

"Okay, fine, so I stole the fruitcake."

I gasped with feigned shock. "You're telling me I have stolen fruitcake in my apartment?"

"It was sitting outside the door of the elderly lady who lives down the hall from me. I did the fruitcake a favor! He was being shunned. She clearly didn't want him. It had been sitting outside her door for a week."

"And the fact never crossed your mind that maybe she died? Maybe she was in the midst of making homemade eggnog before she heard a knock. Maybe halfway to the door she fell, broke her hip and then starved to death."

"Why did you have to bring eggnog into this?" Bella groaned, dropping her head against my shoulder.

"All she wanted was the fruitcake. She died for the fruitcake; the fruitcake you stole."

"I call bullshit. She didn't make it to the door, therefore she knew nothing about the fruitcake. You can't make me feel bad for taking fruitcake that she never knew existed."

And damn, she got me there.

"Maybe we should veer back on topic," I suggested, knowing this conversation could last for at least an hour. "So, you're moving in with me?" I asked with a wide smile.

Her fingers weaved through the back of my hair. "No. I'm just crashing here for an undetermined amount of time, bringing most of my things and stealing half of your closet space."

"Right. And that doesn't fit the definition of 'moving in'?"

"My definitions for words aren't generally considered common."

"You should just move in with me," I suggested, pretending like I was calm and casual and not freaking the fuck out. Normal people don't ask their girlfriend of a month to move in, do they? Normal people don't spend fifteen minutes talking about placenta water, fruitcakes and dead elderly women.

But then, what about my relationship with Bella was determined by time? What about our relationship was normal? Nothing. The answer to both of those questions was nothing.

"You don't know what you're asking."

"Yes, I do. It makes sense," I said, scratching my head. "You're here most of the time, anyway."

"So is Jasper. You're going to ask him to move in, too?"

I ignored her question. "Your shampoo is in my shower. By the way, you're out of conditioner."

"I knew you were using it!" she hissed before sniffing my hair.

"Hey, the first time we met, even though you claimed you were joking, you gave me a complex about my hair. It's only fair you allow me to use your conditioner."

"Yeah, yeah," she laughed and I patted the top of her thigh.

"Just think about it. I'll help you move some of your things over for the 'undetermined amount of time' you'll be staying here, and we'll figure it out."

"Alright," she finally said, kissing me twice. "Alright."

"If you decide you don't want to move in, you can leave once your place is ready. You can go back and live in the same building with the dead elderly lady and the placenta family."

"For future reference, when you ask a girl to move in with you, leave placenta out of it, okay?"

"Duly noted," I replied, kissing her and ignoring her bullshit.

We both knew I wouldn't need that information for future reference because she'd be the first and last girl I'd ask to move in with me. She'd be the first and last everything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** **I think I successfully covered all my bases in this chapter: placenta, Uggs, and fruitcake**.** Thanks for reading.  
><strong>

**Thanks to Julie for pre-reading this mother.  
><strong>


	29. December 13 9:12 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>December 13<br>9:12 p.m.  
><strong>

Bella let out a loud, dramatic sigh and closed the book she was reading, letting it fall to the floor with a thud. I eyed her before turning my attention back to the rival music blog that had just released their list of top fifty albums of the year.

"I don't think I can move in with you," she blurted out.

Without blinking, I shut my laptop and set it on the table next to the bed. "You didn't even take an entire day to think about it," I accused. "You could've at least waited until after my famous omelet breakfast tomorrow. I was sure you'd say yes while in a love-induced food coma."

"Don't let my decision stop you from spreading your omelet love all over me," Bella said in a serious tone, rolling to lie on her stomach. "I just can't live with you."

"Enlighten me," I pushed, rubbing my foot up and down her leg.

She smiled and propped herself up on her elbows. "Playing footsie is not going to convince me to move in with you."

"It was worth a try. C'mon, what's your deal? I know you think I'm cute," I teased as she sat up. "Uh oh. You're sitting cross-legged. This is about to get serious."

"I can't move in with you because you're a Scrooge," she announced.

I gasped and rubbed her knee. "Me? No."

"You? Yes. You don't even have a Christmas tree!"

"Lots of people don't have Christmas trees," I pointed out, rolling my eyes. "I'm thinking of your safety. So many fire hazards."

She pulled the elastic band out of her hair as she said, "Not only do you not have a tree, but you didn't give a shilling to the Salvation Army Santa yesterday when we were leaving the store."

"I...what? A shilling? Do you feel okay?" I questioned with concern.

"I feel fine! Unlike poor, crippled Tiny Tim with his vitamin D deficiency."

"What in the world?" I felt Bella's forehead with the back of my hand. "No fever, so...the only thing I can think of is that you're just losing your mind."

"I'm okay with losing my mind. Better than losing my son to renal failure," she deadpanned.

"Are you bringing up Tiny Tim for a second time?" I asked and she nodded. "Dickens was very vague regarding Tiny Tim's illness. I don't think it was ever revealed what was wrong with him. You just assumed kidney failure?"

"Whatever. The point is that I can't live with a Scrooge."

"Ah, so there's a point to all of this?" I jokingly asked before she tossed a pillow at my head.

"Yes, there is a point. Kind of."

"Look. It's not a big deal." I shrugged, resting my hands behind my head. "I just don't...do Christmas."

"It's not a choice."

I side eyed the wall before looking back at this crazy, gorgeous girl sitting on my bed, getting worked up because I didn't make a big deal over a holiday. "Uh. Yeah, I think it is a choice."

"Well, you're choosing the wrong choice!" she shrieked, causing me to laugh at her outburst. "You attended your work Christmas party. That's _doing_ Christmas," she said with crossed arms.

"I only attend those parties because there's usually an open bar...and some weirdo who shows up in an ugly Christmas sweater," I admitted before chuckling at her scowl.

"You drank eggnog last night."

"Christmas aside, eggnog is delicious and anyone who denies it is a fool."

Bella sighed, dropping her head in her hands. I tugged at the hem of her shirt and she peeked through her hands, smiling as I held out my arms. She curled next to me as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, kissing the side of her head.

"Scrooge aside, I really like your fine ass."

I let out a throaty laugh at her statement. "Fine. You know what? If Christmas is that big of a deal to you, I'm going to smother you with Christmas spirit for the next twelve days."

"Really?" she asked excitedly.

"Yep. I'm gonna rock around the Christmas tree," I grinned as she giggled, pinching my side.

"You won't regret it."

"I'm gonna deck the halls with boughs of holly."

She laughed, burying her head against my chest. "Hell yeah. That's the spirit."

"Don't even get me started on what I'm gonna do to the chestnuts that are roasting on an open fire," I said with seriousness, trying not to laugh at how fucking ridiculous this was.

"Okay, this is getting odd, but I can't wait."

"I'll do Christmas for you. You'll see, baby. You'll see."

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><p><strong>AN: I'm spreading my omelet love all over y'all for not giving me side eye because I'm clearly not done with these two yet. Blame the Christmas spirit. And who doesn't like the mental image of Edward handling roasted nuts? Sigh. Thanks for reading.  
><strong>

**(& yes, I'm going to post a few more updates of him smothering her with Christmas spirit.)  
><strong>


	30. December 14 6:37 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>December 14<br>6:37 a.m.  
><strong>

I found it entirely too funny that Bella gave me such a hard time about not being into Christmas. It's not that I was against celebrating the holiday, I just found it more of a hassle than anything. The one year I actually did buy a tree, the thing ended up dying before Christmas day. Then, to make matters worse, I was too lazy and kept it up until February. And then one day it just magically disappeared. Jasper claimed he disposed of it for me, although I wasn't sure what he did with it, and I didn't ask.

Maybe I didn't bother getting amped up for Christmas because...well, because I was usually alone. Not that I'd never had a girlfriend during the holidays, but it never seemed like a big deal to me. But since Bella so eloquently expressed her interest in Christmas by using Tiny Tim to make her point, I decided I'd indulge her and would dabble in the Christmas spirit. I could dabble. I'd be a dabbler.

I woke half an hour early, insistent on going to the store to grab a few things before Bella woke up. I slipped out of bed, hoping not to wake her, and threw on a pair of jeans, a hoodie, and my Nike's.

Walking past the box Bella brought over yesterday morning, I sent a small glare in its direction. She wasn't opening it on purpose because she knew it was bugging me. But I knew I'd eventually figure out what was in the box. Either she'd open it, or it'd start smelling. I was hoping for the former, but would be prepared for the latter. Jasper _was_ apparently good at disposing of things; I'd have to keep that in mind.

I drove to the store to grab eggs and other omelety ingredients for the breakfast I'd promised Bella. So, maybe I'd exaggerated about my omelet making skills with all the 'love-induced food coma' talk. I'd never actually tried making an omelet before, but maybe I'd learn today. Again, I'd be a dabbler.

Forty-five minutes later, I was back home and in the midst of attempting to cook breakfast when I heard Bella's early morning groans.

"What on earth is on my head?" she asked groggily as she shuffled into the kitchen .

"Oh, that old thing?" I adjusted the reindeer antlers headband that I'd put on her head while she was sleeping, then turned my attention back to the...well, I wouldn't necessarily call it an omelet. I wasn't sure what it was turning out to be.

"You had a reindeer antler headband just lying around?"

"Nah, I bought it when I went to the store a little while ago. I was going to buy a Santa hat, but I couldn't find one in the grocery store."

"Right." She yawned, leaving the headband in place while pouring herself a cup of coffee. "And the reindeer antlers are..."

"Christmas spirit," I explained, raising my eyebrows at a ridiculously enthusiastic speed. She nodded, stifling a laugh as she pulled the headband off, placing it on my head. I grabbed her waist and pulled her against me.

She smiled sleepily then kissed my chin. "Hottest reindeer ever."

"It's a little early for bestiality, isn't it?" I smirked, feigning pain as she slapped my chest.

I ignored the rolling movement of her eyes and darted over to the fridge. "Oh. Don't forget this."

"Eggnog latte creamer?" she questioned, warily grabbing the bottle I'd handed to her.

"It's like you're drinking Christmas," I nodded enthusiastically before leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Oh, and Salvation Army Santa wasn't outside the store, but I shan't refuse him a shilling when I see him on the morrow."

Bella blinked, sipped her coffee, and felt my forehead with the back of her hand. "It's a good thing you're cute. You're kind of creeping me out."

"Christmas spirit is here to stay. This is happening," I warned as she nodded in realization. "You can't stop it now, Belly. You wanted this. You're getting it."

I pulled out two plates and filled them with our, and I use this term loosely, breakfast. Bella pretended not to eye the plate of food before giving me a nice, wide grin. We walked into the living room, sat on the couch, and I watched as she hesitantly took a bite. She chewed. She looked thoughtful. Then she chewed again. I noted that she had yet to swallow.

"So? Is it...edible?" I asked, needing her to critique the food before I chanced trying it myself.

"It's like...soggy, and then it's...chewy. But then there's...I don't know why, but the word 'tire' is coming to mind."

"Rubbery?" I questioned, pulling at my hair.

"Yeah, probably. Or maybe it tastes kind of like tar..." she trailed off with her mouth still full.

"Well, that makes sense because that's my special ingredient. Tar," I deadpanned. "And stop giving me that look. I've seen you eat a bagel after dropping it in the street. You have no room to judge."

"Am I supposed to swallow?"

"You usually do," I said cheekily, raising my eyebrows. Bella poked my side and I held her plate in front of her so she could spit out the food.

"Well, how do you feel? Are you in love with me yet? Did I win you over?" I asked with a dramatic sigh, stealing her cup of coffee.

"I feel queasy," she admitted, biting her lip.

"That's a good sign. People who are in love usually feel queasy."

She grabbed the coffee cup from me, giving me a small, knowing smile.

"God, you totally love me. How could you not, especially after a breakfast like that?" I hummed against her neck before I sat back against the couch "But...tar? Seriously? Tar?" I questioned in awe that I was able to take edible ingredients and make them taste like something rather poisonous.

Bella shrugged and patted my arm. "At least you're pretty?"

"Well, apparently being filled with Christmas cheer doesn't improve culinary skills."

"Afraid not," she wholeheartedly agreed.

**December 15**  
><strong>1:06 a.m.<strong>

"I can't sleep," I groaned out loud as I felt Bella shift next to me.

"Shh."

"How do you do it?" I asked, quieter this time.

She waited a minute before giving in. "How do I do what?"

"Sleep with visions of sugarplums dancing in your head?"

Bella snorted before groaning, pulling the blanket over her head. "Only you, Edward. Only you."

"You asked for it. This is kind of fun though." I shrugged, pulling the blanket off her head. "So, do you have a color preference for the tree?"

"They usually just have the one shade," she quipped, rolling over on her side to face me.

"Nah, Jasper's tree is silver."

"Wait, what?" She opened her eyes. "I thought we were getting a real tree."

"Oh. I just figured we'd get a fake one. Seems easier."

"Fake trees are just so...fake," she lamely pointed out.

"Well put," I teased, scooting closer and draping my arm over her waist. "There's nothing wrong with a fake Christmas tree though," I insisted. "I'll even get you one of those pine scented air fresheners. You'll never know the difference."

"My nose might not know the difference, but my eyes will," she stated sadly. "If we can't come to an agreement, I say two Christmas trees is the way to go; one real, one fake. Then everyone is happy."

I squeezed her hip. "We can't have two Christmas trees, Bella."

"Says who?"

"The square footage of my living room," I replied dryly.

"Fine. I guess Christmas is going to be based on a lie this year," she said with a little too much emotion.

"You're being silly."

"You're being a Scr-"

"No. I'd be a Scrooge if I didn't want a tree at all," I pointed out, cutting her off.

"I have a feeling before I came along, you were one of those awkward people who told children there's no such thing as Santa."

"No, but I bet before I came along, you were one of those awkward people who thought the creepy dude at the mall who wears a Santa suit and smells like queso was one of Santa's helpers," I teased, loving how she merely rolled her eyes and readied herself to quip a response.

"The only truth to both of those statements is that we are both awkward people...and maybe that the guy at the mall actually does smell like queso."

We both laughed and I finally yawned as she rolled over to be spooned.

"Fine," I mumbled, "if it makes you happy, we can get a real Christmas tree."

"I knew I liked you for a reason, Puffy."

"But we're going all out," I warned. "We're going to string popcorn and...make other homemade ornaments that I can't think of right now."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I can't sleep, and it's not because those pesky sugarplums are dancing in my head. Thanks for reading though. Y'all make me smile :')  
><strong>

**For more Christmas spirit, check out Twilly's new story The Naughty Elf. She updates on the daily.  
><strong>

**Also, don't forget to check out Livie79's A Beautiful Mess...because she's beautiful and a mess...and going to side eye me when she reads this in the morning.  
><strong>


	31. December 15 6:43 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>December 15<strong>  
><strong>6:43 a.m.<strong>

"What are you doing to me, woman?" I grumbled as I opened one eye to see Bella straddling me, only wearing a smirk and...a Santa hat. She brought her lips to mine, then mumbled something incoherent about making coffee. She foolishly attempted to move to leave the bed, but, even in my sleepy state, I held her in place.

"Hey, where'd you get that?" I asked groggily, pointing at the Santa hat on her head.

"I have my ways," she said cryptically, slightly shifting, causing me to groan in response.

"Ah," I laughed, closing my eyes again. "You're never the first to wake up." It was true.

"That's not true," she argued.

I squeezed her hip, and would've rolled my eyes if they were open.

"Coffee," she whispered.

"Bella," I whispered back, opening both eyes. "You can't wake me up wearing nothing but a Santa hat and expect to get off that easily..."

She raised her eyebrows and leaned down, kissing my chest. "Oh, but I always do get off so easily."

I gave her a smirk and patted her thigh, not really wanting her to move off of me, but not really needing to be wearing these boxers. I yanked them off, tossing them across the room. Bella laid back and pulled the Santa hat off her head before placing it on mine.

"Really?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, really. You look hot," she mumbled as my needy hands trailed over her body.

And then her mumbles turned to pants as I scooted down the bed and replaced my hands with my mouth. I kissed the inside of her thigh, letting my scruff rub against her soft skin. She breathed out a laugh and wrapped her legs around my shoulders. I slowly flicked my tongue, slowly added a finger, because this didn't need to be fast. We had time.

She was trying to be quiet, too quiet. But, fuck, I couldn't have that, so I breathed warm air and hummed against her delicate skin, loving the way her hips lifted with anticipation. I let out a small, throaty laugh, which only made her moan again. She breathed my name, her pleading tone going straight to my dick.

"Please," she whimpered, making me groan with frustration, needing to make her feel good.

Feeling and hearing how fucking close she was, I added another finger and worked my tongue a little faster. She cried out as her body shook, and nothing had ever sounded so good. Nothing was ever this good. I stayed between her legs until she caught her breath, then kissed her thigh before she shakily unwrapped them

I pulled away and sat up, surprised that the Santa hat was still on my head. She usually pulled at my hair, tangling her fingers through the strands when it was all about her. She smiled lazily and opened her eyes as I leaned down to bury my face in her chest. Lowering myself, she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, already breathless because I knew this would be fast. She gave me a confused glare. "You'll be on the naughty list now..." I teasingly explained, watching as she broke out into a seductive smile.

"Oh, but I'm going to be so," she scraped her teeth against my neck, "so good."

I smiled against her lips because she was right. She was always so, so good. Slowly, I pushed into her as she scraped her nails against my shoulders, letting out a small gasp. I stilled for a moment, only for a moment, and then pulled out and pushed back in. I exhaled, lowly cursing because she felt so goddamn good.

"Fuck, baby," I panted, sucking on her neck; her whimpers only egging me on.

She moaned my name again and again, which only made me work harder, faster. I dropped my head against her shoulder as I thrusted and grunted incoherently, needing to tell her how much I wanted her.

Everything slowed and I kissed her before I rolled over, feeling sated as exhaustion quickly took over. We laid there for a second to catch our breath, and I smiled to myself that the hat was still on my fucking head.

"Coffee," she said, giving me a quick peck before crawling over me to leave the bed.

"Hey." I grabbed her arm as her feet planted on the floor. She looked at me, probably expecting me to say something about breakfast or coffee or omelets that tastes like tar. Instead, I pulled her to sit on the bed as I sat up and placed my hands on either side of her face and gave her a deep kiss.

"Wow," she breathed once we pulled away. I stared intensely as she mumbled, "Don't worry, I'm not going to make omelets, okay?"

I pulled off the Santa hat and nodded as she walked out of the room. And then I smiled to myself again because I hoped that kiss conveyed what I wasn't sure she was ready to hear just yet. Timewise, it didn't make sense. But since when was a heart able to tell time?

I was so in love with her.

**December 16  
>11:12 a.m.<br>**

After I was able to get some work done in the morning, I waited for Bella to get back home so we could go pick out a Christmas tree. She walked in, carrying a few grocery bags and immediately began laughing as she stared at my attire.

"Why? Just...why?" she asked and I grabbed the grocery bags from her hands.

"What?" I asked, trying not to react to _her_ reaction. "I thought we were going to go get a Christmas tree today?"

"Now you're a lumberjack? So, let me get this straight..." Bella trailed off as she gave me another once over. "You actually thought we were going to cut down a tree?"

I nodded, watching as she tried not to smile. "That was the plan."

"You're aware we live in Texas, right?" she questioned, unwrapping her scarf and following me into the kitchen.

"I'm aware," I assured with a sly smile, setting the bags on the floor.

"So, you were going to cut down a tree...with what, your bare hands?"

"An axe usually does the trick," I answered dryly, crossing my flannel-covered arms.

"But we don't have an axe," she tried pointing out.

"_I_ don't have an axe, but _you_ might have something of use," I cryptically insisted, cutting my eyes over to the box near the couch.

"For the first time since I've met you, I'm not following..." she trailed off in confusion.

"What tool did you use for the beheadings?" I questioned as she doubled over with laughter.

"You really need to get over that."

"I'm over it once you open the box," I pouted. "And isn't chopping down your own tree half the fun?"

"But...but, no. I don't know." She furrowed her brows then added, "You were wanting a fake tree for convenience, and now you want to cut down your own tree."

"I suppose it doesn't make sense," I said warily. "But, then again, when does anything we say or do make sense?"

"Point taken." She nodded. "Well, there's a place in Oak Hill with pre-cut trees. I think that'd be our best bet."

"Alright, alright. But I'm still wearing this lumberjack getup."

Bella stared appreciatively for only a moment. "You look like Al from Home Improvement," she deadpanned. Fuck, she was right.

"Yeah, but who doesn't have a thing for Al? Am I right?" I held my hand up in the air for her to high five. Instead, she walked closer and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I'm going to hug you and pretend you didn't just say that," she mumbled, burying her face against my plaid-covered chest.

"Smart girl."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: But, really...who doesn't have a thing for Al?**

**Thanks for reading! MERRY CHRISTMAS to you & yours!  
><strong>


	32. December 27 8:58 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>December 27<strong>  
><strong>8:58 p.m.<strong>

"I've got good news," Bella said immediately as she walked over to where Jasper and I sat at the bar.

"Your poor Uggs weren't salvageable?" I quipped with a grin, spinning the stool around to face her.

"You wear Uggs?" Jasper asked seriously, and I knew from that point on he'd never look at her the same.

"Both of you can shut up, or that's what y'all are getting for Christmas next year," she snipped.

I scoffed and lightly tugged on her hair as she stepped closer and stood between my thighs.

"As if you could make us wear them," Jasper argued.

"Careful," I warned Jasper. "Last time I said that, she responded with 'as if you could outrun me'."

Bella raised an eyebrow in challenge, lowering her voice. "I'd find a way."

"Your seriousness when it comes to Uggs scares me," I admitted as she covered my face with a hand, then kissed me. "Okay, okay. What's the good news?"

"I stopped by my apartment earlier to grab a few things, and I ran into the undead elderly lady in the hallway," she explained animatedly.

Jasper and I exchanged a look.

"Undead?" he questioned.

"So, the good news is that she's a zombie?" I asked this time.

She frowned in confusion. "What? No."

"I don't understand how seeing a zombie in a hallway could be considered good news," I pointed out in an all too serious tone.

"I meant 'undead' as in..." Bella trailed off, biting her lip. "Okay, I can see why you'd think that. 'Undead' wasn't the right word."

"Non-dead, maybe?" I jokingly offered as Jasper snorted.

"My head hurts," she complained. "The point is that she's not dead. That's the good news."

"Or maybe she is," I pointed out as Bella narrowed her eyes. "Maybe that was just her ghost roaming the halls. Maybe she was looking for the fruitcake. She can't rest until she finds the fruitcake...which is in my stomach."

Bella and Jasper stared blankly and simultaneously said 'ew'.

"You actually ate the fruitcake?" she asked, scrunching her nose in disgust.

I nodded, regretting absolutely nothing. "What did you think happened to it?"

"I don't know. I assumed you threw it way!" she shrieked.

I gulped my beer, then lazily shrugged at her repulsion. "Waste not, want not."

Again with the blank stare. "That phrase_ never_ applies to fruitcake! Now you're just being ridiculous," she hissed, stealing my beer.

"Says the person who stole a fruitcake from a ghost," Jasper added and I grinned widely.

"She wasn't a ghost before I stole the fruitcake," Bella pointed out. "And what the fuck, she isn't even a ghost. I saw her. She smiled!" She fell silent then added, "Okay, actually, it was more like a grimace. But that's almost a smile, right?"

"Did it look like this?" I tried my best at giving her a grimace.

"Maybe, like..." She handed me the beer before her hands were suddenly on my forehead, pushing the skin together. "And then..." She moved my lips with her fingers, causing me to pout.

"Better?" I asked, trying not to change my expression.

"I can't even be disgusted that you ate the entire fruitcake because you give hot grimace," she said in awe.

"What can I say? I'm talented." I shrugged like it wasn't odd in the least that Bella had just complimented my grimace. Instead, I smiled sincerely and used my thighs to pull her closer.

I turned and caught Jasper staring, looking all too amused. "Y'all are fucking weird."

"Says the guy who reads Zac Efron fan fiction," Bella blurted out.

"First of all," Jasper started, lowering his voice, "it's not Zac Efron fan fiction. If you're going to call someone out, make sure you have the correct information."

"But, I thought-"

"It's High School Musical fan fiction, okay? Troy, Gabriella, the whole gang," he admitted, shaking his head either in disgust for himself or annoyance for us. "I would never read Zefron fan fiction. Reading fiction stories based off a real person would freak me the fuck out."

And with that embarrassing bit of information information, I slid off the stool and looked expectantly at Bella. "So...you ready to go home?"

"Yep."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Just some random. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas! Thanks for reading.  
><strong>

**Oh, and my sweet friend Julie (twitter name: mshavisham79) just moved from Australia to Seattle! If you're in the area, send her a tweet and take her out for drinks! She's nice.  
><strong>

**And Livie79 updated A Beautiful Mess! You don't need to take her out for drinks because she has a liquor closet in her house. I've seen it with my own eyes.  
><strong>


	33. 11:57 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>11:57 p.m.<strong>

"Teeth."

"Are very important?"

"Yes and we forgot to brush them," she mumbled. I immediately pretended to be asleep by snoring loudly. "Whatever. Nice try." She laughed, covering my face with the sheet before I felt her leave the bed.

I pulled off the sheet, keeping my eyes closed. "I was imitating you."

She flipped on the bathroom light, blinding me. "Come on. I'll even put the toothpaste on the brush for you."

"I don't want to get up," I groaned into the pillow.

"Cavities," she sang.

"I'll have you know I've never had a cavity a day in my life," I said smugly, opening my eyes.

I heard the water turn on then off before she appeared in the doorway, wearing only a pair of boy shorts. I gave her a cheeky grin and stared at her breasts as she brushed her teeth.

She stopped brushing. "Did you really just brag about never having a cavity?"

"Wouldn't you?" I yawned, trying not to laugh as she rolled her eyes and walked back into the bathroom.

I kicked off the blanket and left the bed, running a hand over my face. She yelped as I lightly pinched her side, forcing her to step aside.

"Thanks," I said, grabbing my toothbrush that she'd left on the counter.

"I need to spit," she said with a mouthful of toothpaste. I laughed, not bothering to move. "You didn't even want to brush your teeth and now you're hogging the sink. Move it or lose it," she warned as she pulled down one side of my boxers.

"Always trying to get me naked," I said, shaking my head and stepping aside.

I rinsed my mouth and grabbed the floss, tearing off a string and handing it to her. She let out a small gasp and I looked up at her reflection in the mirror to catch her expression.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"You tore off a piece of floss for me. That's true love right there," she said in a teasing manner.

"Well, I really love people who floss," I stated, turning and staring down at her. "But I do, you know."

"What? Have a thing for flossers?" she asked, eying me suspiciously.

"Te amo, Bella," I confessed in Spanish for no reason other than I wasn't sure how she would react to hearing it in English. It's always best to confess things in a different language.

"Ha, ha." She rolled her eyes and I smiled sheepishly. "You just said that you love me in Spanish."

I pretended to look deep in thought. "Did I? No, I thought I was saying that...I...like to roller blade," I lied, softening my gaze at the way she narrowed her eyes.

"Whatever. You totally love me," she insisted with a satisfied grin. I leaned over, laughing, giving in to my need to kiss her. "Say it again."

"Once was enough," I mumbled before kissing her again. "You'll get a big head if I say it too often."

"Say it in English."

"You say it in Polish, and then I'll say it again in English," I instructed, watching her grow frustrated.

"That's...no." She frowned. "That's not how this works, Edward."

"No? And you're a professional at telling people you love them, so I guess I should listen to you."

"I've never told anyone that I love them before," she admitted, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Yes you have," I shot back.

"Really? Do tell, who have I said 'I love you' to?"

"Me."

"I-" She stopped talking and pursed her lips. "Que?"

"Yeah, you said it like...two nights ago in your sleep," I explained with a satisfied smirk. "It was cute."

"I talk in my sleep? That's creepy."

"It's cute in a creepy way, yeah."

"So, I just said 'I love you' and that was it? I stopped talking?" she questioned warily.

"No. We had a very deep conversation about frozen burritos," I admitted as she gasped and covered her face.

"I talked to you about frozen burritos?" she mumbled from behind her hands.

"Yeah. Apparently you're partial to them, even though they are soggy when you use a microwave."

"Are you making this up?"

I grabbed her wrists, forcing her to uncover her face. "Trust me," I laughed as she narrowed her eyes, "I couldn't make this up even if I tried."

"Damn," she hissed. "You're right. I'm legitimately embarrassed."

"Embarrassed that you talk in your sleep, or embarrassed that you love soggy burritos?" I asked, smiling slowly.

"I'm embarrassed for you! You're the one who loves a soggy burrito lover."

"Damn. You're right," I hissed this time, trying to look disappointed. "Oh well. I can't help it."

"Are you sure? There's still hope for you. Maybe this is just a crush."

"Bella," I said, shaking my head, "my DVR is filled with episodes of Glee. You should know by now that this isn't a crush."

"Having episodes of a shitty show on your DVR determines if you love someone or not?" she questioned, looking skeptical.

I wanted to laugh, but I held it back and gave her a playful look. "Of course it does. You didn't know that?"

"Then you must really, _really_ love me because I'm pretty sure I recorded The Bachelor the other night," she admitted, not looking the least bit apologetic.

All I could do was shrug. "If my DVR says I love you, then I must love you."

"Well. I don't have a DVR to determine the level of my affection, but you know that I love you, too," she said sincerely.

I grinned back at her and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss.

"You realize we just confessed we love each other in the bathroom, right?" she asked, pulling away.

"Ha. And people say we're not a charming couple," I scoffed. "I beg to differ."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	34. 6:07 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  
><strong>

**Summary: A story about wannabe hipsters, awkward moments, and soul mates... in Vegas.**

* * *

><p><strong>6:07 a.m.<strong>

"Wake up," Bella murmured softly in my ear before kissing my cheek. "We need to leave in thirty minutes."

"Breakfast," I grumbled, releasing a yawn.

"No time. Let's eat at the airport while we wait for our flight."

With a groan, I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, asking when she became such a morning person.

"I am most definitely _not_ a morning person," she argued with a chuckle. "I'm just pumped about Vegas, that's all."

I watched her move around the room, buzzing with excitement, and I smiled to myself.

A few weeks ago, when Ben sent me an email raving about the band he joined, and how if I wrote an article about them, it would skyrocket my music blogging career, I was less than enthused. In fact, I was a little fucking pissed. It was so _Ben_ to drop off the face of the planet after moving to Brooklyn, and then contact me out of the blue when he needed something.

So when my simple reply of _dude, you've never played an instrument in your life_ wasn't what he wanted to hear, he sent me a video of his band playing in some warehouse in Bushwick. And if I was being honest, they weren't that bad. But I didn't want to be honest. Because Ben was a dick.

After I ranted to Bella about this, she lit up. Like, _I have a great fucking idea you're going to love me even more when you hear this_ lit up. And when she suggested I use Ben's band as a guise for work to travel to Vegas, I jumped at the opportunity.

Long story short: I was excited about Vegas, too. And even though I'd been before, I hadn't been with Bella. And _that's_ why I was excited.

I stared dazedly as she zipped up our shared suitcase, asking, "Are we picking Jasper up on the way to the airport?"

I frowned.

After Bella and I booked our flight, Jasper informed me Ben had also invited him. And then a few days later, Bella informed me that Kate wanted to tag along, too, because Ben had apparently declined her Facebook friend request a few months ago. I wasn't sure what Kate planned on happening, especially after their failed hook up, but Bella didn't seem to mind about her coming with us. So, I didn't care, either.

Because when it came to Bella and me, things were simple. We never gave each other a hard time. She didn't fuss over the normal shit all other girls seemed to. And overall, I just enjoyed being around her.

She made it easy to love her.

"You seriously need some caffeine in you," she laughed, pulling me from my thoughts.

I grinned, sitting up against the headboard.

"I'll make some coffee. I already showered, so you can jump in," she said, disappearing from the room before I had a chance to convince her to climb back into bed with me.

"Hey!" I yelled in a slightly hoarse voice. "Get back in here, woman."

"I can't!" she yelled back, knowing exactly what I wanted. "We'll miss our flight."

"Bella." Silence. "Bella," I called out again.

She reappeared in the doorway, tilting her head and trying so hard not to smile as she slowly walked towards me.

"Edward." Her tone was meant to be stern, but I knew she'd give in. She always caved in the mornings. "You gotta get up," she ordered, stepping close enough to yank the blanket off of me, but not close enough so I could grab her.

"I am," I quipped, smug smile on my face as I looked down at which part of me was _up_.

She released a sigh, a look of defeat clear on her face because she was giving in. "We don't have time..."

"Just come here," I whispered, reaching out for her.

"Kate's going to be here any minute," she mumbled, crawling onto the bed, straddling me.

As if she needed further convincing, I slightly lifted my hips, pressing myself against her.

"I'll be fast," I murmured against her neck, hands sliding down her back and over her ass.

She shook her head, lips hovering over mine. "And what about me?"

"You'll be fast, too," I groaned, lifting her shirt over her head.

She rolled her eyes because she gave in. She caved, just like I knew she would, and I loved that she always wanted me as much as I wanted her.

Her lips stayed attached to my neck and her fingers played with the back of my hair, little moans egging me on as my hands itched to rip off her underwear.

But I didn't get the chance to because someone began knocking on the fucking door.

"Fuck. Seriously?" I complained, head falling back against the headboard.

Bella laughed quietly against my mouth, looking apologetic. "I told you Kate was on her way."

"No sex _and_ no breakfast," I muttered, dramatically slamming my hands against the mattress in defeat.

"Breakfast at the airport," she reminded, planting a quick kiss to my lips before leaving the bed.

"And sex on the plane?" I asked, hopeful, but mostly joking. Unless she wanted to.

"No snakes on this plane."

* * *

><p><strong>So, this was for some compilation a while back. The entire thing was like, 10k, so I'm just going to split it into shorter chapters... mostly because I'm ADD and I can't read 10k in one sitting. I might need medication, actually.<strong>

**Kim, Liv and Julie pre-read this back in August. Their feedback was that it wasn't completely shit, so.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	35. 9:12 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>9:12 a.m.<strong>

"Well, at least now we have time to eat breakfast," Kate said, offering a cheerful smile as we walked towards our gate.

"We could've eaten on the plane. You know, the flight we were supposed to be on right now?" Bella pointed out, plopping down into one of the empty seats near a plug outlet.

"Whatevs. We should make the best of this. Airport drinking is the bomb." Kate turned toward me, staring expectantly as I sat next to Bella. "Should I start with a mimosa or Bloody Mary first?" My reply was a blank stare. "You're right. I should just order both."

Jasper cut his eyes in my direction, and laughed. It was forced. He knew I was annoyed.

And then he had the balls to ask, "Dude, why do you look so pissed?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked in disbelief.

The problem wasn't that we were running late and missed our flight, _no_. The issue was that Jasper forgot about the liquid restriction for carry ons, and packed his 'expensive as fuck' shampoo and conditioner in his suitcase. When the security guard pointed out that he'd have to throw away his stuff to be allowed to bring his luggage on the plane, Jasper refused. I even heard him tell the guy to _fuck off _because he'd _never know what challenging follicle issues people are faced with._

The security dude was bald.

And Jasper was never a morning person.

So, instead of being on our way to Vegas, the four of us were sitting in the airport, cranky, annoyed, and waiting for the next flight out.

"Why didn't you just throw away the shampoo?" Bella mumbled a few minutes later, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I spent eighty dollars _each _for that shampoo and conditioner," Jasper said proudly, almost as if he were bragging. "Economically, it made more sense to pay the twenty-five dollars to check my bag and switch to a later flight."

"Yeah. Totally makes sense that you pay a hundred and sixty bucks for hair products," I said dryly.

"And who cares if we missed the flight? Besides, airplane food blows. I did y'all a favor," he decided after a minute, and I'd been waiting for him to give us his spiel about how this was a good thing. "Seriously, though. Didn't you hear about that dude who found a needle in his sandwich on a Delta flight? I potentially saved your lives."

With a shake of my head, I asked, "How did you save our lives? That guy didn't die."

"Semantics," he answered, pulling out his laptop.

I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up, but it'd be pointless. Jasper never knew when to stop, and there'd be no point in arguing with him over what was already done.

Bella gave me a look, one that said it wasn't worth it. So instead, I locked my jaw and watched in frustration as Jasper hummed contently and plugged in his laptop.

"Bored. Bored. Bored. Why are we still sitting here?" Kate piped up, typing away on her phone. "If I'm going to see Ben later tonight, I'm going to need a little liquid courage."

"The show isn't until after ten," I said, eliciting a soft chuckle from Bella. "What's the point in drinking right now?"

"Maybe you should pace yourself," Bella suggested. "I refuse to babysit you the entire trip."

It fell on deaf ears, because Kate stood up from her chair, tossing her purse over her shoulder. "I didn't ask you to _babysit_ me," she shot back, slightly defensive.

I gave Bella's thigh a small squeeze as she added, "Just thought I'd warn you."

Jasper ignored the somewhat awkward exchange and informed us that he was going to find a Starbucks so he could write in peace.

"You're writing a book? How did I not know this?" Kate asked, face lighting up with excitement.

I refrained from pointing out there were many things she didn't know.

"Just something I'm working on," he muttered, not revealing that the _something _he was writing had to do with Zac Efron.

Kate shrugged, seemingly no longer interested. "Okay. You'll go to Starbucks, and Bella and I will go to wherever is serving alcohol," she decided.

"And I'll just sit here," I grumbled, leaning forward and setting my elbows on my thighs.

Bella gave me a small, sympathetic smile. "I'm gonna stay here with Edward," she told Kate.

"Fine. Whatever. Be lame," Kate muttered, spinning on her heel, following behind Jasper.

"We fly out at twelve-thirty, you fuckers," I called out as they walked away.

"Maybe this was a bad idea," Bella said once we were alone. I gave her a small shrug, then leaned back in my chair, placing my arm along the back of her seat. "Are you okay?" she asked, searching my face.

I went from feeling sorry for myself to feeling a little guilty because it was apparent I was sulking, and I didn't want to ruin this for Bella. My fingers brushed against her shoulder and I offered her a reassuring smile.

"Honestly? I'm a little annoyed, but it's nothing that a little airplane bathroom sex can't fix." She laughed at this before kissing my cheek. "Or... _airport _bathroom sex?"

"Not happening."

"I tried."

"Why are you annoyed? Other than the fact that we're having to fly out a little later than expected?"

"I'm just frustrated because this is the first time we're traveling together, and we have two nimrods with us," I admitted in a soft voice, keeping my gaze on her face.

"Once we get to Vegas, we can ditch them," she promised. "But, I mean... without Jasper's hook-up, we wouldn't be staying in the penthouse at Palms for practically nothing."

"Perks of being friends with a nimrod," I conceded. "Although, I don't think it really matters _where _we stay. I'd still have fun with you." This earned me a kiss on the lips, one that I wanted to deepen, but didn't, because I was still thinking about how we missed out on morning sex and I wouldn't be able to pull off what I wanted to do to her in public.

"Oh, it matters where we stay," she said once we pulled away. "We need Jasper. Do you know how much dick I'd have to suck for us to afford the penthouse for three nights?"

I laughed at her ridiculous comment, my mood instantly lifting. "That's why I love you," I confessed.

"Why?" She pulled a face. "Because I talk about hypothetically sucking random dude's dicks?"

I frowned. "Why would I love you because of that?"

"I have no idea. You're the one who said it. That's why I'm asking."

"I was trying to say that I love you because you have the ability to make me laugh, even when I'm in a shitty fucking mood."

This made her smile. "That makes more sense. It's also a little sweet."

"A little?" I scoffed, raising my eyebrows in disbelief. "I thought it was a more than a _little _sweet. That comment should've earned me some points."

"Maybe a few."

"Enough to hook up in the airport bathroom?" I asked, because I had to.

"Not that many points."


	36. 12:17 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>12:17 p.m.<strong>

"Kate finally answered her phone," Bella told me once I returned from the bathroom. "Apparently Jasper's with her and they're about to head over here."

"That's good. We're only supposed to fly out in, oh, eight minutes," I muttered, nervously running both hands through my hair, because seeing the other passengers board the plane was making me fucking anxious.

I began gathering our shit, shoving my laptop into my bag before pulling it over my shoulder. I felt Bella's eyes on me and she laughed when I looked up, holding her gaze.

"Are you trying not to freak out right now?" With a light pinch to my side, she tried reassuring me by saying, "We'll make the flight."

She was right. I needed to stop worrying and, even though I hated these fucking phrases, I was going to go with the flow. I was going to roll with the punches. I was going to... fucking kill Jasper because he was walking towards us, and Kate was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Kate?" I snapped in frustration.

"Back at the Chili's bar," he said, not seeming the least bit concerned.

Bella intervened. "I _just _talked to her and she said the two of you were heading over."

Jasper released a low laugh, nodding in agreement. "That was the plan. Until she decided she didn't want to leave."

My laugh was humorless as I scrubbed a hand over my face. "Come on, man. Seriously? You didn't even _try_ to get her to come with you?"

"She's not _my _friend," he informed us, holding up his hands in defeat. I couldn't really blame him, actually. If it weren't for Bella, I wouldn't put up with Kate's shit, either.

Bella bit her thumbnail. "Okay. Fuck. Okay. I'll go get her."

"I'll go with you," I offered.

"Are you sure? I feel bad. I know you're frustrated—"

I squeezed her shoulder. "I have a feeling you're going to need help."

Jasper stayed with our shit while we walked through the airport until we spotted Chili's, and then we made our way through the restaurant until we heard Kate's donkey laugh.

"My friends!" she squealed once she saw us approaching her. She spun on the barstool, leaning over to tell some dude, "That's my bestest bestie, Bella, the one I was telling you about. And that guy with the messy hair? He's her lover."

I wasn't sure whether or not to laugh.

"Kate? It's time to go. Everyone's boarding the plane," Bella explained in a much nicer tone than I would've been able to muster.

"Give me a sec," she whined. "I need to finish my drink."

"You can drink on the plane," Bella suggested, sliding the drink away, only to have Kate slide it back.

"I can't waste it. There are starving children in... places." She leaned back over to the guy sitting next to her, who hadn't uttered a word or even looked her way since we arrived. "How ungrateful would I look? I care about things, you know."

Bella looked up at me, silently asking for help. So, I stepped in. Because even if I were frustrated with the current situation, what I hated more was seeing Bella upset.

"Hey, Kate? I'll let you use my Facebook to stalk Ben," I offered.

It seemed to do the trick to get her out of the restaurant. But actually walking with her to the gate was another story, and by the time we finally made it back to Jasper, we'd missed the flight. Again.

After I spoke to one of the attendants, explaining our situation, I was informed that the next flight to Vegas wasn't leaving until seven in the evening. With the time change and one layover, we'd be arriving around ten o'clock. And as pissed as I was, there was nothing I could do about it.

"Well, at least now we have time to eat lunch," Kate slurred.

**10:56 p.m.**

After an extremely uneventful plane ride—uneventful due to the fact that there was no sex in the bathroom—the four of us piled into the shuttle and headed to the hotel.

I sent Ben a text to let him know we finally made it and that we'd head over to Roxy's Lounge as soon as we could. Though the show was starting at eleven, Ben's band was the last act, which worked out in our favor, allowing us just enough time to drop off our luggage.

I was hesitant about checking in to the hotel, mostly because Jasper kept withholding information about how he got the room for so cheap. But once we finally walked into the penthouse, I visibly relaxed and let out a low whistle.

"Better than the place we stayed at last time, huh?" Jasper asked, laughing.

"We don't talk about that trip," I warned, causing Bella to playfully narrow her eyes in curiosity.

Before she could interrogate me about the last time I was in Vegas, Kate began imitating Elvis Presley, loudly singing _Viva Las Vegas_. Or, since she didn't know all of the lyrics, she just kept repeating the line _viva Las Vegas _over and over again.

Even if it was a little annoying to hear someone butcher an Elvis Presley song, I wasn't going to tell her to shut up, because we'd finally made it, and I could allow myself to relax and enjoy being here with Bella.

"I thought you sobered up on the plane," Jasper accused, stalking past Kate and into the living area of the suite.

"This _is _her sober," Bella answered, and I barked out a laugh.

Kate stopped singing. "I'm sober? Let's fix that."

The penthouse had a three bedrooms, a Jacuzzi, a pool table, flat screens in every room—including the bathrooms—and a fully stocked bar, which Kate and Bella were now standing behind, raiding.

I perched myself on one of the stools, blatantly staring at Bella's ass as she stood on her toes, reaching up to grab something from a shelf.

"Do you want this?" She turned around, grinning when she caught my eyes on her.

I smiled warmly. "I do."

She carefully poured whiskey into two glasses and nodded towards one of the rooms. I silently followed after her, and didn't even try containing my grin as I shut the door behind me.

She handed me a glass, clinking hers against mine before taking a sip. The whiskey burned my throat in a good way, and my smile was lazy as I watched Bella move across the room to sit on the bed.

I stepped forward, licking my lips while staring down at her. "You know..." I began, taking the glass from her hand and setting it on the nightstand along with mine. "You're kind of killing me right now."

"Am I?" She looked up at me with a sly smile, yanking on my belt loop and pulling me down to lie on top of her, between her legs.

My lips hovered over hers and I breathed into her mouth, "I want you. _Fuck_, I want you."

"I can tell," she chuckled, releasing a small moan as I nipped at her neck, slid my hand under her shirt, and thrusted my hips against hers.

And then Kate walked into the room without knocking, and I rolled off of Bella, groaning in frustration as I adjusted myself.

"Why don't we have a single-lane bowling alley in this place?" she asked, staring accusingly.

"Why would we?" I muttered as Bella sat up, fixing her shirt.

"I've seen it in movies!" Kate explained with a shriek. "We're supposed to have what they have in the movies."

And the moment she began lining up Jasper's shampoo and conditioner bottles to use as pins, and attempted to turn herself into a human bowling ball to knock them down, was the exact moment I decided it was time to head out.


	37. 11:43 pm

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>11:43 p.m.<strong>

"This place is a shithole," Jasper assessed a mere ten seconds after walking in to Roxy's Lounge.

The place wasn't _that _bad. Then again, he'd always been a judgmental motherfucker when it came to... well, everything.

But, I mean, the bar was located in a hotel in a sketchy part of town twenty minutes from where we were staying. And yeah, we had to make our way through a cheesy gambling hall to actually _find _Roxy's Lounge, which was basically just a closed off section of the casino, with dimmer lighting and a lower ceiling.

"It's not that bad," Bella offered, trying to appear enthusiastic.

"No, he's right. It's a shithole," Kate agreed loudly.

"This place is cramping my style. I'm gonna go do some gambling," Jasper announced, turning in the opposite direction.

I wasn't gonna try to stop him. And I wouldn't mind if he took Kate with him, too.

"You wanna go gamble?" I asked Kate, nodding in Jasper's direction as he walked away. Who gave a fuck if I was trying to get rid of her? Some alone time with Bella would've been nice.

"No way. I haven't even seen Ben yet," she complained, walking to stand next to Bella at the bar. "I'll have a—"

Bella clamped a hand over Kate's mouth, ordering her a glass of water, and a beer for us. Kate whined, but the fact that she had left her purse in the hotel meant she had no money to binge drink, which was some sort of miracle in disguise.

There weren't many people here—not that I expected there to be because this place really _was _a shithole—so we chose to stand close to the stage, just to really fuck with Ben.

"Did Ben mention when he joined the band?" Bella asked as a few shady looking people scattered in from the casino.

"I have no idea," I admitted, feeling somewhat sympathetic about the shitty turn out. "I swear I didn't even know he possessed any musical talent."

"Just because he's in a band, doesn't mean he has any talent," Bella pointed out. "Look at Nickelback."

I cringed. "And Creed."

She dropped her head, shaking it in dismay. "The mere mention of Creed makes me feel angry inside."

I snaked a hand around her waist, pulling her against my side. "I feel your pain."

We stood around and waited, joking about shitty music until the one light shining on the stage turned on. Two guys, one decked out in a sleeveless plaid shirt and the other in a teal corduroy jacket, appeared on stage and began setting up. A few minutes later, Ben came out, wearing a tie-dye shirt, suspenders, and... the tie I lent him the night before he left Austin. Fucker.

He spotted us immediately, but only acknowledged us by offering a small nod in our direction. I nodded back, Bella gave him a thumbs up, and Kate's eyes stayed glued to her phone.

"Look, it's your boy," I teased Kate, nudging her with my elbow.

"I'm trying to play it cool." She grudgingly sipped her water. "But if he wants to go to a chapel after the show and let an Elvis impersonator marry us, I wouldn't say no."

"You've got to be kidding me," I mumbled, swigging my beer.

Bella laughed. "She's not kidding."

"But you never fucking talk to him," I felt the need to point out.

"That doesn't mean we aren't meant for each other," Kate insisted, then stared at Bella expectantly. "I need to pee."

"You're a big girl," Bella insisted. "You can go to the bathroom yourself."

I fought back a smile as Kate headed in the direction of the bathrooms by herself.

Barely a minute later, the dude in the corduroy jacket took his place on stage, tapping the mic.

"Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out tonight," Corduroy said into the microphone in an overly raspy voice. "We're The Hipsters," he introduced, using air quotes around the word _hipsters_.

Bella's head jerked in my direction, and she mouthed _what the fuck_?

Corduroy picked up a guitar, the guy in plaid walked over to sit behind the drums, and Ben took his place, standing behind a keyboard synthesizer.

And then they began playing, singing a song about grilled cheese sandwiches. I _think_.

"This is so, so sad, and somehow better than anything I could've imagined," Bella whispered, holding back her laughter.

"Unbelievable," I whispered back, watching Ben pound away on the keyboard.

"They're not even trying to be ironic," she said in awe.

"I know."

On the third song, we migrated towards the bar and swiveled our stools to face the stage. I ordered us each a shot of whiskey and two more beers.

"Should you go check on Kate?" I asked after a minute. "She's been in there for a while."

"Nah. If she's puking, I'd rather not be in there."

I turned to face her, locking her knees between mine. "Good point."

"You know, you're kind of amazing," she murmured, staring down into her beer.

I tugged on a strand of her hair, grinning. "You're not already drunk, are you?"

She looked up, rolling her eyes. "I have to be drunk to tell you that you're amazing?" I shrugged, still smiling. "It's just... with Kate, I don't know. She's a handful, and kind of insane, but she's my friend, and you've been really tolerant of her this past year. So... thanks."

I softened my gaze. "You don't have to thank me, Bella."

"I know, I know. I just feel bad because I know you were excited about coming here, and things have been kind of stressful so far."

With a sigh, I leaned closer, pressing my lips against hers. "I only put up with her because I love you."

She fisted the front of my shirt, pulling me closer as she kissed me back. "I love you, too. Really. So much. Like, I'd marry you right now because I'm that impressed with how you're handling all of this."

I raised my eyebrows suggestively. "What about bathroom sex?"

"I don't love you _that_much," she teased.

The band only played three more songs before they thanked everyone—meaning the ten people in the room—for coming out, then began packing up all their shit.

"We should wait here and say hi to Ben," I suggested, finishing my beer.

Bella nodded in agreement. "And then what do you want to do?"

"Uh... I don't know. We could gamble."

"We could. Or... we could go to one of those chapels," she offered, eyes wide and sparkling, even in the dim bar.

I stared at her and narrowed my eyes, trying to gauge her smile. "Why are you suggesting that? Are you getting religious on me?"

Her eyes became squinty from grinning so wide, and I fucking loved seeing her smile like that.

"No, not religious. But I might be getting _matrimonial _on you."

Laughing loudly, I placed my hand on her knee and leaned over, kissing her cheek. "You wanna go to one of those cheesy ass chapels and let an Elvis impersonator marry us? You stole Kate's idea."

"And everyone else's who came to Vegas in love," she quipped.

I laughed again, telling her to shut up.

Her face fell. "Why are you laughing? You don't want to marry me?"

I gave her a look. "Come on. I never said that."

"But you're laughing."

"Because it's kind of insane."

"Marrying me is insane?"

It was my turn to frown. "No. Of course I want to marry you, but... Vegas?"

"Why not? It's not like we'd have some huge, elaborate wedding, anyway. That's not us."

"And Vegas is?"

She shrugged. "It could be."

"Are you serious right now?" I asked, both in shock and amusement.

"Of course I am. Why would I joke about marriage?"

"Why would you not? The first night we met, we convinced people we were engaged to be married."

"Good point," she agreed. "But I'm being serious now. I think we should get married tonight."

A few people came over to the bar, standing next to us as they ordered drinks. So, I slid off the stool and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her away so we could have a little more privacy.

"Dude," Bella uttered once we were standing alone in the dark corner of the bar, near the bathrooms, because that was the best place to have a serious conversation.

"Don't _dude _me," I scolded with a small smile, searching her face in the dim light.

"I'm going to have to convince you to marry me, aren't I?"

I didn't need her to convince me, because of course I wanted to fucking marry her. I probably thought about it more often than I'd like to admit. But I had a feeling whatever she was going to say to convince me would be amusing. So instead of telling her all of that and risking sounding like a pussy, I just smiled affectionately, fueling her annoyance.

"Fine." She folded her arms across her chest and began listing off reasons why we should get married. "One, we already live together. Two, I'm in love with you."

"Number two should be more important than number one."

"Well, yeah. But I'm not listing these in order of importance because I didn't prepare for this, Edward," she explained, sighing in exasperation. "I didn't think I'd have to come up with reasons to convince you to marry me."

"Okay. Continue."

"No, that was it."

"You only gave me two reasons."

"Don't be greedy."

"We don't have any married friends," I pointed out.

"Why does that matter?"

"It doesn't. I'm just trying to figure out what brought this on."

"Other than the fact that I love you?" she asked dryly.

"Yes."

With a huff she asked, "Why are you questioning me? Don't question this."

"I'm not questioning you," I laughed, grabbing her hip and giving her a small shake. "I have yet to ask you a single question."

"You're doing the whole questioning thing without asking any questions. It's tricky and infuriating and makes me want to marry you more than I already did."

"And you're doing the whole answering my questions with a question thing," I countered teasingly.

Bella cracked a smile. "Why don't you just put me out of my misery and marry me?"

"As far as proposals go, I think that one takes the cake."

"That would've been funnier if you said that one takes the _wedding _cake," she suggested, planting a small kiss on my chin. "But that's okay. I want to marry you more for your looks, not your wit."

"Are you sure you're doing this for the right reasons? Looks fade," I reminded her.

"So will my eyesight. It's okay."

I chuckled, uttering, "You really want to do this, Bella?"

"Yes."

"And you don't care if our parents get upset that we're not having a wedding?"

"No."

"Alright, then. I guess we're getting married tonight."

"Yeah?" Her lips curled into a smile, and I couldn't help but grin in return. I didn't exactly want to get married in Vegas, but if she wanted to, I would. I'd do anything she wanted if she just kept smiling at me like that.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and pulled her against me, burying my face in her neck. She shivered, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling my head down for a kiss.

"I don't have a ring," I realized, pulling back.

"I don't need one."

"Yes you do," I argued, because she needed a ring. "I liked it, so I wanna put a ring on it."

"Did you just quote Beyoncé?"

"Yeah. I did."

"Oddly enough, I still want to marry you."

"It's all part of my charm."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading, even though Kate is super obnoxious.<strong>

**You're probably thinking that Ben's band's name isn't very original, but get this: Roxy's Lounge is a real place in Vegas, and when I was checking out the site, there was a band who had an upcoming show, and guess what their name was? The Hipsters. So, obviously, I had to steal the name. Duh.**


	38. 12:32 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>12:32 a.m.<strong>

"So, we're really going to do this?" Bella questioned, eying me suspiciously.

Planting a small kiss on her lips, I asked, "You're not getting cold feet already, are you?"

She rolled her eyes, playfully shoving my chest. "Not a chance. You're fine with being stuck with me forever, right?"

My smile was affectionate, because, "That's what I'm planning on."

"Sup, man?" Ben appeared next to us. We exchanged a handshake, while Bella endured an awkward hug. "Where's Kate?" he asked, looking around.

That was a good fucking question.

Bella and I exchanged a look, suddenly realizing she had been gone for a while.

"I bet she's still in the bathroom," Bella guessed. "I'll be right back."

"She's probably barfing," Ben offered, laughing. I refrained from telling him he was probably right.

"Jasper's here, too," I told him, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "Somewhere."

"No shit?"

"He left, though. Not really his scene." As if Ben needed me to tell him that.

"What a dick," he muttered, actually looking a little hurt. "Whatev, I can't even care about that right now. Let's go take a shot. Band gets free drinks."

"Nice," I commented, following behind him to the bar. "Does a gig like this pay pretty well?" I asked, because I was a nosey motherfucker.

He looked somewhat uncomfortable. "I mean... I guess."

"What other shows do y'all have lined up?"

He released a chuckle, knocking his knuckles on the wood of the bar. "Actually, it's a pretty funny story," he began, then stopped speaking to order our shots.

"And two Hoegaarden," I added.

"I don't want beer."

"It's for Bell. So, what's the _funny story_?" I pushed.

"I'm not really in the band."

For some reason, this didn't surprise me. "No? So... what the fuck are you doing then?"

We downed the shots, stacking our glasses in one another before moving away from the bar.

"So, the dude who plays the keyboard has to lay low for a while," he said quietly, glancing around to make sure no one else heard. "They asked me to play a few shows; fill in for him, that sort of thing."

I laughed, taking a sip from both beers to keep them from spilling. "That works, I guess."

Bella walked over to us, grabbing her beer from my hand and taking a lengthy gulp. "Kate's not in the bathroom, and she's not answering her phone."

"What the fuck?" I asked in shock. But not really. Because it was Kate. I should've known she'd find a way to escape.

"How did we not see her walk out?" she asked in frustration.

"Alright. Don't worry. She's gotta be around here somewhere, right?"

Bella sighed. "So, do we go to the chapel first, or do we look for her? Because she was supposed to be a witness, er... maid of honor. Whatever."

Ben slapped my chest. "Bro. Y'all are getting married, bro?"

I nodded. "One too many _bros_, but yeah. We are."

"I gotta be the best man," he said animatedly, looking to Bella for approval.

I hadn't really thought that far ahead, but if anyone was going to be my best man, it wasn't going to be Ben. My face must've mirrored my thoughts, because his smile immediately disappeared.

"Fuck Jasper," he snapped. "I'm more of a man than he is. He sucks dick, which automatically makes him less of a man. It's a fact."

I rubbed my temple. "We should probably go find Kate and then we can figure all of this out," I suggested, trying to be the responsible one here as I chugged the remains of my beer.

"Good idea," Bella agreed. "I'm sure she's out there gambling or something. Maybe she's even with Jasper."

Ben waved. "Have fun."

"Dude." Bella stared expectantly. "You aren't going to help us?"

"Fuck no. That bitch is crazy. Do you know how many messages she sent me on Facebook, threatening to cut me if I didn't accept her friend request?"

"I'll write an article about the band and publish it on the blog if you help us," I offered, though it pained me to even think about.

"Let's go find that crazy bitch," he said, slapping my back as he walked past me to exit the bar.

**1:56 a.m.**

We'd spent an hour searching for Kate, with no luck.

Ben had offered to stay at Roxy's Lounge and said he'd keep an eye out around the gambling hall, just in case Kate hadn't really left. I figured he was just too lazy to actually leave, though, and wanted to stick around for the free drinks.

When I called Jasper, he informed me he was at The Bellagio and that he wasn't going to waste his night looking for Kate. I couldn't even get angry with him, because this was seriously getting old. At least he was making the most of his time in Vegas.

There was a high chance she could've gotten sick and decided to head back to the hotel, so that was the first place Bella and I looked. But when we got there, she was nowhere to be found. Not in the lobby, not in the casino, not in the hotel room.

"This is such bullshit," Bella muttered after we searched the penthouse. "She's not allowed to go anywhere with us again. Ever."

I sat on the couch, pulling her down with me. "Or maybe she shouldn't be allowed to drink again. Ever," I joked. But not really. I was fucking serious.

"Should we just wait here for her?" she asked, absentmindedly weaving her fingers through my hair. "Or, what? What should we do?"

I leaned over, burying my face in her neck, inhaling her scent. "I know what we could do," I mumbled, kissing her twice.

I pulled her to straddle my lap. Her laugh was soft and _she _was soft and... nothing about me was fucking soft.

"Edward," she whispered, and I knew she could feel my dick against her.

"Bella." I matched her tone. "What?"

She dropped her head against my shoulder. "We can't have sex before we get married," she mumbled against my shirt.

"Yes we can."

"We should do it right."

"We should do _it _right _now_," I corrected, offering her a smug grin.

"I really want to marry you," she uttered, her cheeks slightly reddening. "Like, now that the idea is in my head and there's a possibility we can get married tonight, it's all I can think about."

"I really want to marry you, too," I admitted, voice thick with honesty.

"Then let's go. Right now."

I sighed. "Now?"

"Come on. We'll take a cab over to the chapel, get married, and then you can have sex with your wife all night."

"What about Kate? I thought you wanted her to be your maid of honor?"

"Whatever. No. She has no honor anyway. I'm sure they have people there who can serve as our witnesses."

So, we brushed our teeth and tried to look presentable, arriving at the chapel twenty minutes later. The cab driver pulled into the dark parking lot, making no comment about how the place was fucking closed. That information would've been useful before we arrived.

"Well, shit."

A look of disappointment crossed Bella's face. "Maybe we can come back in the morning?"

I was about to suggest that no, maybe we shouldn't. That maybe we should do this the right way. That maybe I wanted her to wear her own dress and I wanted to see her walking down the aisle toward me, with no Elvis impersonator in sight. Because this just seemed cheap, and what we had wasn't cheap. It just wasn't.

I didn't have a chance to say any of that, because someone sitting on the ground on the side of the chapel caught my eye.

"Look who it fucking is," I said dryly.

I asked the cab driver to wait for us, and we exited the car, walking through the empty parking lot.

"Kate?"

She slowly looked up, recognition flickering on her face at an embarrassingly slow speed.

"Hi, people I know," she greeted, not making a move to stand from the ground. "What brings you here?"

"What the fuck brings _you _here?" Bella shot back. "We've been looking for you."

We reached down to help her up. Her hair was a fucking mess, there was black shit under her eyes, and she smelled like puke.

"I puked on my dress," she muttered, pointing at a damp orange and brown stain.

So, that explained the smell.

"How did you get here?" I asked, taking a precautionary step back. I learned my fucking lesson the night I met her.

"I walked."

"More importantly, _why _are you here?"

"I'm waiting for Ben and Elvis," she explained, without really explaining. "But the chapel is closed, so I'm just gonna wait here for a few more hours."

"No," Bella and I said simultaneously.

"You guys suck," she cried. Like, actual tears began streaming down her face.

"Come on," Bella sighed, tugging on her arm. "We're going back to the hotel."

"Is Elvis there?" she asked, tears stopping for a moment. But then Bella shook her head no, and the waterworks began again.

So, I gave her a half truth, something she probably wanted to hear. Something that would get her to cooperate with us.

"Ben's been looking for you," I told her. It wasn't even really a lie. He _was_ looking for her, but maybe not for the reason she was thinking.

This caused her tears to stop again, and she suddenly brightened, allowing us to lead her to the cab, where she fell asleep instantly.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a reminder: this is fiction. Bella probably (totally) would've given it up to Edward by now, and they both would've ditched Kate. I just like making things difficult for them. Its fun.<br>**

**THANKS FOR READING.**

**Two more chapter things to go, and I'm just going to add them together and post later tonight. Cool.**


	39. 2:49 am

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

><p><strong>2:49 a.m.<strong>

It was close to three in the morning when Kate finally passed the fuck out.

Bella and I walked into our room, and I locked the door behind me, just in case Kate were to wake up at any point and barge in.

With a sigh, Bella let herself fall against the mattress face first.

"Most comfortable bed ever," she mumbled against the comforter, closing her eyes.

I followed suit and lay next to her on my stomach, releasing an exhausted sigh. I didn't let my eyes close, because I knew I'd fall asleep, so I stared at her face, and rubbed a hand up and down her back. But then her breathing began to slow, and I hoped she wasn't falling asleep.

"Bella?" I whispered. "Are you asleep?"

She opened one eye. "No. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"How Kate is a shitty friend, and you're an amazing... fiancé? That just sounds weird. Boyfriend?"

I chuckled. "Doesn't matter what you call me, as long as I get to marry you."

It was her turn to laugh. "That was too cheesy."

"What? I'm in Vegas. I'm allowed to be cheesy."

She scooted closer, tangling her legs with mine. I moved to lay on my back and lifted my arm to pull her closer, tucking her against the side of my body.

"I'm so exhausted," she mumbled sleepily against my cheek.

I sighed into her hair. "Me too."

"I don't want to move."

"Me either."

"But we should get out of these clothes. Help," she whined.

My laugh was tired and low, and I slowly sat up, reaching behind my neck and fisting my shirt at the collar, removing it in one swift move.

"Now me," she ordered, sitting up and lifting her arms in the air.

Pulling at the hem of her shirt, I removed it for her and tossed it on a nearby chair, along with mine. And then she lay back against the mattress and unbuttoned her jeans, waiting for me to pull those off for her as well.

"I'm so lazy," she laughed as I yanked them down her legs, then jumped off the bed to remove my own jeans.

Unbuttoning and dropping them to the floor, she smiled widely, realizing what I'd been wearing underneath.

"Holey Batman," she laughed as I sat on the bed, making my way over to lie between her legs. "You haven't worn those in a while."

"I know."

"My soon-to-be husband wears holey Batman boxers."

I laughed lowly, resting my head against her chest.

"My soon-to-be wife loves these boxers," I murmured.

"I do."

"Practicing those words for tomorrow?"

"About that... I don't know..." she trailed off, playing with the back of my hair, and I lifted my head to stare at her.

"You don't know about _what_?"

"Maybe we shouldn't get married in Vegas. It's just, when I was holding Kate's hair back as she puked, I realized that none of this was romantic. Like, the way we went about it. I drunkenly proposed we get married... in a bar."

"So, you want to be wooed into marrying me?" I teased, but I'd do it.

She rambled through her laughter. "Okay, you don't have to make it sound so stupid. I'm just saying, I was caught up in the thought of being married to you, and I wasn't thinking about anything else. But then when I thought about it, I realized it didn't go the way I expected. There shouldn't be people drinking jäger within five feet of where you get engaged."

"Words to live by," I joked. "How did you expect it all to go, then?"

"I don't know. Just... _more_. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense," I agreed, pressing my lips to hers, kissing my way along the crook of her neck.

"So... you can propose to me now," she requested. "Make it official, you know?"

I lifted my head, grinning playfully. "What? No way. That's not how this works."

Her eyes narrowed. "I thought you wanted to marry me?"

"I do, but now that you want to be wooed into this, I get to do things my way. Which means, you don't get to know when I choose to propose."

"That's... so not fair," she whined.

"It's completely fair."

Her expression changed from thoughtful to devious in a matter of seconds. "Fine. No sex until you propose."

"_That's _not fair," I growled. "Besides, you want it just as much as I do, so why torture yourself?"

"You're so cocky," she accused.

"I know," I admitted, pressing which part of me was cocky against her, attaching my lips to her skin.

"Nothing you do is fair," she whispered, releasing a small whimper, and I knew she was aching just as bad as I was.

"That's not true," I countered, sitting up on my knees between her legs, hooking my fingers around her underwear to slip them down her thighs.

She watched me watch her. "I can't say no to you."

"You've been saying no all day," I laughed, kissing my way up her body.

"Yeah, but there was never a good time..." she trailed off, sitting up just enough to unhook her bra.

I left the bed and quickly stumbled out of my boxers, kicking them away.

"Lay back," I ordered in a rough voice, staring lustfully as she did what I said.

I crawled back onto the bed and kissed her knee then her thigh, making sure to rub my scruff against her soft skin because I knew she loved it.

I teased her for a minute, placing my mouth on every inch of her body except the one place she wanted me to. And when she was practically wiggling on the bed, I slid a finger inside her, then two, keeping my eyes on her face. And when she closed her eyes and her brows pulled together, I added my mouth, and the sounds she made went straight to my dick.

She moaned and hummed and fisted my hair as I curled my fingers, glancing up at her, feeling smug because I knew she was on the verge of losing control. I loved watching her, loved knowing that I was the one making her feel this way.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathed out, pulling me up and reaching between us to grab my dick.

My hands pressed into the mattress as I hovered over her. I tried my hardest to slowly push in, because I knew once my dick was right _there_, nothing about this would be slow.

But then her nails clawed at my back, and she didn't want it slow, which was fucking perfect because I couldn't hold back.

"Don't come yet," she ordered, already knowing that I was so, so close. But that wasn't my fucking fault. It was too good and I hadn't been inside her all day.

I lifted myself up on my elbows and pulled out, trying to catch my breath, and she rolled over underneath me, showing me how she wanted it.

I lay my front against her back, and grabbed her hips, sliding into her from behind, both of us losing our breath at the same moment.

"You feel so, so good. So fucking good," I breathed out, knowing I was anything but coherent.

Sliding one hand down to bend her knee, I slipped my hand between her body and the mattress. She hissed as I found her clit, still thrusting into her.

Sweat coated our bodies because we were both trying so hard to make this feeling last. Her hair was sticking to her face, and I knew she didn't care, but still. I pushed it out of the way, pressing open mouthed kisses on her cheek, shoulder, and neck.

I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. How much I wanted her. How much I couldn't wait for her to be mine. All I could think about was_ this _forever.

But I couldn't speak—could hardly think—so I tried my best to show her without words.

I moaned, a warning for her as my pace quickened, because I wasn't sure how much longer I could last.

"I'm close," she panted. "I'm so fucking close."

Our bodies moved together and my hand worked her faster. And when I felt her tighten around me, she moaned into the mattress and I groaned against her shoulder.

We both fell at the exact same moment, and it took everything I had not to fucking propose to her right then, because she deserved better than that.

And then we both lay there, trying to catch our breath. I removed my hand from between her legs, but stayed inside her, because I wasn't able to move any other part of my body.

"Propose," she whispered, tone slightly teasing.

"I love you," I confessed, kissing the back of her neck.

Because I did. That's why I was going to do this right.

**9:38 a.m.  
><strong>

I woke up, thankful to see that Bella was still asleep. I slipped out of bed, trying my hardest not to make too much noise.

Quickly and quietly, I pulled my laptop out of its case and set it on the glass desk, not bothering to sit as I waited for it to turn on. I was too fucking antsy to sit still.

Once I was connected to the hotel's Wi-Fi, I sent my editor a quick text, getting the okay for what I was about to do. I knew it wouldn't be a big deal, but I didn't want anything to fuck this up.

I opened a new document, the blinking cursor mocking me as I waited for my phone to light up with a responding text.

But then Bella woke up, yawned, and asked me what I was doing.

"I'm just..." I blanked.

"Oh, God. Don't tell me you're actually going to post something about The Hipsters," she uttered, releasing a groggy laugh.

"Yeah," I quickly agreed. "That's exactly what I'm doing."

My phone buzzed, and my palms grew sweaty once I read that I had the okay.

"What could you possibly write about them?"

"I don't know... but I told Ben I would do it if he helped look for Kate, remember?"

I heard her leave the bed, and then her arms were wrapping around my waist and her lips were on my back and she was too fucking distracting.

"Well, can I read before you post it?" she asked.

"Sure, I guess."

Her grip loosened and stood next to me, scowling. "What's wrong? You're acting weird."

"No, I'm not," I refuted, because I wasn't.

"Whatever." Her eyes rolled. "Do you not want me to read it? Did you secretly enjoy the band last night and you're afraid I'll stop reading the blog if I know you have shit taste in music?"

"No." She was talking, _a lot_, and my thoughts were elsewhere. I just needed her to walk away for a second so I could concentrate on what I needed to do.

"Maybe you need to go back to bed. You're in a mood," she snipped.

"Okay. I will," I agreed, watching as she disappeared into the bathroom. I listened for a minute, not hearing the shower turn on, so I knew I didn't have long.

I also knew Bella. I knew she wouldn't want a huge, sappy proposal in front of a ton of people. That was all for show. That wasn't _us_.

So, I typed three words: _Marry me, Bella_.

The three words I wanted to say out loud, but knew would mean so much more this way. Because, as weird as it was, it was this blog that brought us together, so it only made sense that this be the way I propose.

I saved the document, uploaded it, hit publish and waited for it to post.

And time was on my fucking side, because not a minute later, Bella walked out of the bathroom, still looking a little annoyed.

I closed out the browser, but left my laptop open.

She tried walking past me without looking my way, but I grabbed her hips and pulled her back against my chest, leaning my head over her shoulder and placing a kiss on the side of her neck.

"Oh, now you're in a good mood?" she asked, leaning into my touch.

"I wasn't in a bad mood," I countered.

"I thought you were writing?" she asked, eyeing the laptop.

"I was. I'm done. I already posted it," I told her, fighting a smile as she turned around and glared.

"But I didn't get to read!"

"You can read now."

"You're such a dick sometimes," she pouted, walking towards the desk, her back facing me. "I always read before you post."

I shrugged. She opened the site. I grinned.

She didn't react at first, which was fine. I didn't expect her to scream or cry hysterically or jump into my arms.

"Bella," I said softly, needing her to turn around.

"Really?" was all she said.

"Bella. Turn around," I commanded.

"Are you serious?" she asked quietly, finally turning to face me.

I closed the distance between us and towered over her, placing my hand on the side of her neck as I said, "Of course I'm serious."

"You know, like, a shit ton of people read this blog, right?"

"I do know that."

"And... not even a minute ago I called you a dick," she mumbled. "I called you a dick and you proposed."

I laughed, because she was cute and maybe on the verge of freaking out, despite the fact that last night she was dead set on marrying me in a chapel, with her alcoholic friend as her maid of honor, and Elvis as the officiant.

She didn't say anything else, but her eyes became glassy and I grabbed her face with both hands, because I needed her to know how much I loved her.

"You're supposed to say yes," I reminded her, kissing her gently.

"I want to hear you say it," she murmured.

"Will you marry me, Bella?" I asked, sincerity coating my words.

She nodded, entire face lighting up.

"Yes," she answered, and as cheesy as it was, that one simple word had never made me happier. Ever.

"I still don't have a ring." I glanced around the room, looking for something that I could use to make this proposal official. I looked down at my boxers, pulled them off and said, "Here. Put these on."

And because she's Bella, she put on my holey Batman boxers, which only made me love her more than I already did.

"There. Now it's official. Those boxers serve as a symbol of our love and affection," I proclaimed.

She stared down at her lower half, then looked up at me, laughter bubbling out of her. "You just proposed, I'm wearing your boxers, and you're naked."

I sat on the bed, pulling her to stand between my legs, and grinned slowly.

She leaned down to kiss me, whispering, "But it's kind of perfect, though."

And it really kind of was.

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><p><strong>The end.<strong>

**For now.**

**Um, really though. Thanks for reading and reviewing and letting me continue this silly story. Who knows if I will post anything else regarding these two weirdos. I mean, I guess _I _should know... but I don't.**

**Anyway, thanks again. I seriously had so much fun revisiting these guys, and y'all are just super nice and now I'm getting sappy, so.**


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